What were you supposed to do when a friend looked angry and sad but you didn’t know why?
“You’re the Trailblazer,” Simon said. “You have answers, and we need answers.”
“He’s right,” Merri Lee said.
Meg compared Merri Lee’s face to training images. Pale. Sick. Upset.
She knows why Simon is upset. It’s because of the prophecy, because of the thing she didn’t want to tell me about.
Ruth, on the other hand, looked concerned, but she didn’t look knowing.
“This is what we figured out.” Merri Lee set a series of photographs on the sorting table. “Meg has created a framework of tangible things that acts as an anchor and keeps her from being overwhelmed by visual and auditory stimuli. The framework is a combination of big things like the sorting table and smaller things like where the CD player and the stack of CDs are placed on the counter. These are the constant things that can’t change because Meg needs to count on them being exactly where they are.”
“It’s like the furnishings in Meg’s room at the compound—,” Ruth began.
“Cells,” Meg said tightly. “They were called cells. They locked from the outside, and we only had what the Walking Names allowed us to have.”
Ruth nodded to indicate understanding. “The cells’ contents didn’t change for as long as the girl lived in the compound. We think that lack of change balanced all the new images and videos the girls were shown as part of their training to describe the visions.”
Meg didn’t add her personal bit of speculation: that the sterility of the cells made the girls want to study the images—and made them more willing to cut in order to experience some stimulus. The addiction was still there, the craving for the razor and how the euphoria made her feel. It still veiled her mind to protect her from the visions, but the euphoria didn’t feel as intense as the sensations she’d felt a few months ago. Or maybe she wanted to believe that because there were so many other kinds of pleasant stimulation now.
Something she needed to think about a while longer.
“We can’t say if it’s because of the training or simply how their brains work, but we think that, because they absorb everything around them, blood prophets suffer from information overload much faster than other people, and they zone out in order to give their minds a rest,” Merri Lee said.
Meg could tell by the way Simon’s ears had gotten a little furry and more Wolf shaped that he was listening hard to everything they were saying, but she wasn’t sure if he understood what they were saying.
“When pups are young, they have to absorb everything too in order to learn about the world,” he said. “Their constant things are the den and the pack.”
“What happens when their little brains get tired?” Merri Lee asked.
Simon narrowed his eyes at Meg. “They curl up and take a nap.”
Meg narrowed her eyes right back at him. He didn’t look impressed. “Well, humans aren’t built to take these quick little snoozes throughout the day.”
His only comment was a huffed tch sound that told all of them what he thought of that human failing.
“The point,” Ruth said, “is we tried to determine what makes up a constant and what makes something acceptable even when it changes.”
Merri Lee pointed to the photos again. “For example, a vase could have flowers or not have flowers. A vase with flowers was different, but it didn’t cause anxiety. The gate to Henry’s yard could be open or closed. There could be food in the fridge here or not. But Meg chose where she put the CDs, and if someone changes the placement, that does cause Meg to feel upset.”