How could she tell him that it did? That it mattered very much?
‘No.’
‘Why?’ he asked, in a slightly more abrasive tone. ‘Because it’s only sex?’
Magenta could scarcely speak now. ‘Yes.’
How hard it was to lie!
‘In that case you won’t be too upset,’ he said, plucking one of the honeysuckle flowers, ‘if I tell you that...’ He hesitated, tossing the delicate creamy flower aside. ‘I’m thinking of getting married.’
The earth seemed to freeze on its axis, and with it every stirring leaf and insect.
‘No, of course not.’ How could she say that and not reveal how much her voice was trembling?
‘Honestly?’ Was that relief in his eyes? Surprise?
She wanted to say, No, I’m happy for you. After all she had had her chance with him a long time ago and she had thrown it right back in his face.
Instead she uttered, ‘Wh-who is it? Lana?’
‘Lana?’ He laughed out loud. ‘I’m sure she’s very pretty, and has hidden depths that will make some man a very good wife one day,’ he remarked, coming away from the flowers, ‘but not for me, I’m afraid. No...’ He spoke with that hesitation again, as though he was finding it difficult telling her. ‘She’s a woman I met some time ago.’
‘You never mentioned her.’
‘No...’ He slipped his hands into his trouser pockets, glancing at the dipping sun that was only half visible now above the western horizon. ‘The time hasn’t been right.’
Involuntarily Magenta nodded, lifting a shaky hand to her dishevelled hair. Somehow, it seemed, since his startling revelation she’d forgotten how to breathe, and after a deep inhalation, she said, ‘Wouldn’t she be rather upset to think that you...that we’ve just...?’ Unable to say it, she caught the quizzical sidelong glance he sent her way. ‘Are you going to tell her?’
She gave a half-shake of her head and felt the throb of an incipient headache at her temples. Suddenly the last bursts of flame from the fast disappearing sun seemed too glaring, much too painful for her to look at.
‘Have you made love with her?’ Dear heaven! Why was she asking him this? ‘I mean recently? Since we...?’
‘Yes.’
His answer really did almost take her breath away. Well, what had she expected? she thought, wondering how he could make such amazing love to her when there was another woman—a woman he loved more—in his life. But why was it so surprising that he should have so little respect for her that he could bed her as if it didn’t matter and then go off with someone else? He probably still believed that she had done the very same thing to him.
‘It does mean,’ he said, ‘that there will be someone here all the time to help me with Theo when he’s here, and you must agree that that will make for a far better situation all round.’
Oh, God! She couldn’t bear it! Suddenly her eyes were welling with scalding tears.
‘Gosh! This sun’s unbearable! It’s making my eyes water!’ And her voice was thickening with so much emotion that she had to get away.
As she brushed hastily past him, intent only on putting as much distance between them as she could, he was springing after her.
‘Magenta!’
‘Let me go!’
His hand was like a vice around her wrist. She was crying now, and it was too late for her to run from him, although she kept her face averted to try and delay the moment when he would eventually see.
‘Magenta, look at me?’
‘Why? Isn’t it enough that you had my humiliation once without putting the knife in and twisting it round for one final time?’
‘You’re crying?’ His hand was cupping her face, fingers touching her tears. His brow was furrowing in the gathering dusk.
‘So I am!’ Her tone was wounded; indignant. ‘Are you going to make an issue of that too?’
‘I thought you said it was the sun.’ Something like amusement coloured his deep voice. ‘But lo and behold! “Tears fall in my heart like the rain...”!’
Was he mocking her? Ridiculing her with some quotation or other? How could he?
‘It isn’t funny!’
‘No, it damn well isn’t!’ His tone had changed in an instant, and with it his expression. ‘But you’ll do anything rather than admit it, won’t you?’ His chest was puffed out in anger now as he forced her to face him. ‘Won’t you?’ he rasped, almost shaking her.
‘Admit what?’ It was a hopeless attempt to maintain her dignity.
‘How you feel?’
‘How I feel?’ She tried to wriggle free but he wouldn’t let her. ‘You don’t know how I feel!’