James grins and holds up his hands. “Sorry, sorry. I’m here to be supportive.”
“Thanks,” Griffin says, and turns back to me. “You sure you’re okay?” he asks softly.
“I’m okay,” I answer. “I’m excited.” I smile up at him, and it’s true. I am excited to become his wife, even if it isn’t for real, even if I am wearing a pretty casual outfit instead of a big white formal dress.
The big doors open and a couple walks out, smiling huge. The secretary calls in the next couple, which unfortunately isn’t us, and so we’re left to wait. Griffin squeezes my hand reassuringly again, and I try to smile up at him.
I can’t pretend like I don’t have reservations about this. We are involved with each other, though I don’t know how seriously we’re involved yet. But when this is all over, we’ll really be married. We’re going to have to have the awkward conversation about whether we want to divorce or not, and what if we can’t agree on what to do? Part of me is afraid that I won’t want to divorce, but he’ll insist on it.
In the end, I owe him this. I know that I do after everything. I came clean and even protected him, but I still went through with the dirty plan from the start. I trusted my father, which was my real mistake, and now I’m atoning for it. After this ceremony and everything’s done, I’ll consider us square and equal. But right now, I still owe him, and I’m going through with this to help him.
Although there is some voice in the back of my mind that really does want to be his wife. There’s a part of me that’s doing this because I want to marry him and be a part of his family. He’s shown me that it’s possible to have a happy family that’s normal and functioning, the total opposite of what I’ve grown up with. Griffin has shown me that I can be happy with a man and I can even help him raise his daughter. I can have a real life outside of my own family, one that’s happy and balanced and normal.
Even though this isn’t normal, not at all, but still.
James looks bored and nervous as we kill time, and I can only imagine what he’s thinking right now. I don’t know how involved he is with my father and what their deal is, but I’m positive he’s already told my father about this little ceremony. I haven’t heard anything from him, and I’m basically living with Griffin right now. I packed my bags last night after everyone went to sleep and moved them over to Griffin’s apartment, and once we’re married, I’m staying there with my husband.
That’ll drive my father nuts. He won’t be able to control me while I’m living with Griffin. That’s what my father wants above all else, total control over everything I do. He doesn’t care about me or my happiness, he just wants to control what I say and what I do. But if I’m not living in his house and using his money, he can’t do a thing to touch me anymore.
Maybe ten minutes pass and the other couple finally emerges. The secretary looks down at her clipboard and calls our names.
Panic jolts through me, but Griffin just stand calmly. He smiles down at me. “Ready?” he asks.
I look up at him and nod. “I’m ready.” I stand up and take his hand.
“It’s going to be easy,” he whispers. “Trust me.”
I squeeze his hand and take a deep breath. We follow the secretary back into the judge’s chambers, James bringing up the rear. Once inside, we gather in front of the judge’s desk.
He’s an old man wearing big black robes. He looks almost comical in them, but I don’t much feel like laughing. I’m nervous as hell when he makes me stand facing Griffin and we hold each other’s hands as James and the secretary stand off to one side and witness the ceremony.
The judge does it quick and simple. He says some words, clearly a little rehearsed speech on love, and then we do the vows. We exchange rings, simple gold bands that Griffin bought yesterday. When we’re finished with the vows and the rings, we kiss, and finally we sign some paperwork. James has to sign as well as the witness, the secretary signs and notarizes it, and finally the judge signs it.
“Congratulations,” he says, smiling. “You’re now husband and wife.”
Griffin grins at me, pulls me into his arms, and kisses me again. James laughs but it sounds hollow.
The whole thing takes ten minutes at most. When we walk out of the room, the paperwork signed and all the fees paid, Griffin and I are married.
“How do you feel?” James asks Griffin.
“I feel married.” We walk together out of the courthouse and we pause on the front steps.