Virgin(81)

“What’s a mooncupcat?” she asked. “Oh, never mind. I’m going to text Jez so he can come and get me. Or at least pay for my cab to his place.” She paused. “Wow, I’m basically a voluntary call girl.” She shrugged her shoulders and started tapping out a message on her phone.

“Okay,” I said. “I’m going to leave you here so I can get Jack on his own and explain we need to go now.”

She grunted at me in response and I walked back out to find Jack. He was chatting to Emma while Luke and Sergio laughed hysterically over something on Luke’s phone. Emma and I exchanged a look so silent and subtle that the CIA would have hired us on the spot if they’d seen it. She gave me a tiny nod in comprehension and slipped away.

I grinned at Jack, realizing it was the first time during the whole night that we’d been left alone. “Hey,” I said.

He smiled. “How’s it going?” he asked.

“Meh, I’m feeling a bit tired now,” I said. “Shall we go?”

He looked startled. “Go? Um, what do you mean?”

“You know. Let’s go. We can go back to my place. I only live a couple of tube stops away. Oh wait, the tube’s closed. Well, there’s definitely a bus,” I said.

A look of something I didn’t understand flashed across his face. Did he not want to come home with me? “Um, okay,” he said. I breathed a sigh of relief.

Emma winked at me as we left and I managed to wave bye to Lara before Jack and I walked out into the cold.

“Wow, it’s freezing,” I said as I tucked my arm into his so we could walk close together. He didn’t say anything in response as we walked in silence.

We walked a bit more and then I tried again. “So, did you enjoy your night?” I asked finally.

“Yeah, it was good, thanks,” he said amiably, but then fell silent again. This was definitely weird. Something was wrong. I slipped my arm out from under his and tucked my hands into my pockets. I started to feel cold but this time it was a deep chill that had nothing to do with the weather.

I wanted to ask if something was wrong, but I felt too nervous. What if he didn’t really want to come home with me? I shook the thought from my mind as we reached the bus stop. The silence was killing me. I braced my nerves and asked him, “Jack, is something wrong?”

“No, everything’s fine,” he said quietly, and my drunkenness died. Nothing was fine. It was the opposite of fine.

Oh my God. He didn’t want to go home with me. The thought flashed across my head and I realized it was true. I hadn’t given him a choice. We hadn’t even kissed tonight. I’d completely assumed he wanted to be with me—without asking him. Oh my God. Now he was on his way back to my place and he didn’t want to be there.

I was still trying to understand this when my bus pulled up. “Isn’t this the bus?” he asked.

I stood in silence as the urgency of the situation hit me.

“Let’s miss this one,” I said finally. I turned to face him. I took a deep breath. I needed to be a grown-up. I needed to ask him straight out. “Jack . . . do you not want to come home with me? Because you really don’t have to,” I blurted out.

He let out a short, abrupt laugh even though nothing was funny. He ran his hand through his hair awkwardly. “No, of course I do.”

“Seriously, Jack,” I said. “Honestly. I can get the bus alone right here, right now and you can walk back to the party. It will just be nice of you to have walked me to the bus stop. It’s fine, honestly. Please,” I said desperately. I didn’t even know what I was desperate for. I just wanted this to end.

He paused. Then a look of relief came over his face. “Really? Are you sure, Ellie? I’m just . . . I’m just not feeling up to it tonight.”

I felt sick. The bile was climbing up my throat. I swallowed and put on the bravest face I could. “Jack, seriously, don’t worry,” I trilled. “I’m tired; I want to go home. Just go back to the party.”

He sighed in relief. Oh God, he’d genuinely felt like I’d forced him into leaving with me. I wanted to cry. Instead I grinned and gave him a hug and smiled extra brightly at him. Then I turned around and pretended to read the bus stop sign while tears started to swim in my eyes.

“Hey,” he called out in a voice laced with guilt. “Ellie, no. Don’t . . . don’t be like that.”

I took a deep gulp, wiped the space under my eyes with my fingers and forced my face into another bright smile before I whirled round to face him again. “Like what?” I asked innocently.