Virgin(66)

“Yeah, I know. But it does mean that a lot of people do end up with STDs and I really don’t want you to be one of them.”

“Well, I appreciate the concern, but I’m definitely okay for now,” I assured him. “And I promise I’ll use proper protection when he actually pops my cherry.”

“Okay, so long as you do . . .”

“Oh my God, and you too!” I added quickly. “If you get HIV I will literally die. I’ll be like those people who get sympathy illnesses and I’ll get phantom symptoms for you.”

It was his turn to laugh. “All right, I’ll be careful too. Sorry, I just feel like I should say these things to you because we’re both in similar positions.”

“No, don’t apologize! I love that we have such huge things—well, virginity—in common and that we can both be really open about stuff.”

“Yeah, me too,” he said. “I never really expected this friendship to happen, but I’m glad it did. Even if it started off on a pretty weird note . . .”

“Um, that never happened. Remember?” I replied. “Anyway, did I tell you my mum’s convinced we’re dating now?”

“Yeah, about that . . . ,” he said sheepishly.

“Paul, what did you do?”

“I told my mum I saw you that Friday and she got all excited . . . I denied everything, I swear, but she didn’t believe me so this is probably my fault.”

I sighed. “Oh well, at least my mum’s being nicer to me now. It’s going to be awkward for your parents when they realize you’re gay, though.”

“If that ever happens,” he replied with a sigh. “Anyway, good to catch up, Ellie. I’m going out now but keep in touch. Hope it goes well with Jack.”

“Thanks, Paul. Same for you and Vladi!”

I hung up and got back to work. I was meant to meet Emma in the library that afternoon so we could work solidly all evening and get dinner together, but the dissertation wasn’t going so well. Besides, I now had more urgent things to think about. Obviously I’d thought about protection. I didn’t want to be breaking my water for real anytime soon, and there was no way I wanted lumps of gonorrhea all over my precious VJ. I’d always figured I’d go on the Pill, but that would require a trip back to Dr. E. Bowers. I shivered at the thought.

The Pill could wait a while. It was definitely more boyfriend-style contraception, and even though Jack and I were on target and slowly creeping up the relationship ladder, it seemed a bit premature. Condoms would be sufficient. Besides, I was kind of excited to use a condom. We’d spent years learning how to put them onto plastic penises in secondary school, but I’d never had a chance to put my skills into practice. It seemed like a rite of passage I had to go through, and soon I could be one of the sassy girls-about-town who keep a spare condom in their wallets. The vow I’d taken after visiting Gower Street Practice was going to be completed. I would use a condom on an actual penis and it would actually go inside me and I would never ever ever be a virgin again.

Then I realized I had only the one condom I got for free in Freshers’ Week. Shit. Why hadn’t I picked some up from the floor of the doctor’s office days ago when I was surrounded by them? It was too risky to have only one, in case it broke—and once I started, I planned on having as much sex with Jack as possible. I couldn’t leave it up to him to have them either. What if we had sex at my place and he didn’t bring them with him? It was safer to just brave a trip to a pharmacy to get some. Thank God I wasn’t in Guildford, where someone would be sure to see me and report back to my mum. Here I could just slip into the chemist, another anonymous student practicing safe sex, and no one would ever know.



A few hours later, I was ready to go. I had put a lot of thought into my outfit. It needed to be subtle, but not so subtle that it looked like I bought condoms every day. I wanted it to shout out Girl Next Door meets Ambitious Young Woman. In the end, I decided to go for black tights, a black skirt and a cream polo-neck jumper. I looked like I was going to a job interview.

I wandered down Camden High Street to the pharmacy, where I quickly found my required aisle. It wasn’t hard to miss. There were rows and rows of family planning items looking at me. Alarmed, I realized how many types of sexual accompaniments were available in the local pharmacy. Surely all these lubes should only be available in dark shops in Soho?

I browsed the condom selection, trying to ooze casual calmness as I read the labels. Fetherlite . . . Jesus, what did that mean? Ribbed for extra pleasure? I stared in confusion at the array before me and decided to start eliminating. Colored condoms were not for me. The flavored ones seemed a bit too intense. Ribbed would just add width to the penis and that would create extra discomfort, not pleasure. In the end, I decided to go for the thinnest ones. It meant I would hopefully not notice it.