My eyes scan the room. Tulips ignoring me. Tulips laughing at me. Tulips scooping up all the bronze coins and letting them slip between their fingers with carelessness. I need those coins. I need them because I can't stay here any longer, and I can't start over without more money to my name, either. I'm not strong enough.
I can handle this, if only you'll let me, Wilson coos.
No, I can fix this myself.
My pulse beats inside my neck as I race toward Poppet's and my bedroom. White sheets, white curtains, white slip chair-orange spray paint. I grab it from my dresser and hurry back into the Tulips' drawing room. Once there, I watch on, breathing hard, as the girls and customers and even the moon glowing through the window ignores me.
I'm tired of being a Tulip.
Tired of being invisible.
Tired of unanswered questions and Madam Karina's veiled threats and strange hands roaming across my body without ever seeing my face.
I raise the can to a virginal white wall. I pop the top and shake what little remains-click, clank, click, clank. Then I start spraying. Almost immediately, I hear the Point Girl for the Tulips yelling. But I keep going. It takes only a matter of seconds. I'm not worried about shadows or dripping paint.
My arm moves quickly, my tongue pressed into my cheek.
Wilson holds his breath.
When I'm done, I turn and face the room. Every last person is eyeballing me. It's what I wanted, but now it feels unbearable. All those browns and greens and blues trying to burrow inside my mind. The woman whose dog I was drawing stands and smiles. She doesn't come toward me, but she seems pleased by this sudden outburst.
The Point Girl speaks up. "What in God's name do you think you're doing? You've got a lot of nerve destroying property that isn't yours. Wait until I tell the madam what you … "
I run from the room as her voice trails off.
I leave Poppet behind. I leave her behind with the giant block letters I wrote along the wall.
SEE ME
Wilson claps inside my head. I would have taken a more physical approach, but not bad.
It's Jack who stops my retreat. He's all smiles and sunshine, and it feels wrong. I need to be alone right now, but his hands slide around my waist like we're two years into a committed relationship. But we're not in a relationship. He's a customer, and I'm a Tulip. That's all this is.
He licks his lips and dips his head. "Domino."
"I need to be alone."
"I understand," he says. "But right now, I need to kiss you."
I stiffen in his arms. It's not like I didn't know where this was headed. Wilson never trusted Jack, not for a moment. And if I become a Lily, I'll have to get over being afraid of a simple kiss. But right now, with fury coursing through my body, I'd be more inclined to disembowel him.
He must sense my hesitation, because he brushes his lips against my ear and says, "I see you, Domino. I saw you the first time I walked into this messed-up place, and I see you now."
I close my eyes against his words, but my heart still thumps painfully from adrenaline. He's saying the right things. Does he know it the same way Madam Karina does? "I've worked hard to ensure you move up. Because that's what you wanted. But now … now I'd like to kiss you."
Without asking for permission, he moves his mouth to mine. I gasp against his lips, but I don't pull away. Not when the tip of his tongue touches my tongue, and not when his fingers crawl down my sides, inching over my serpent tattoo. He sees me. He sees me.
But as his hands move closer to my chest than my sides, my brain begins to spin. Did he really help me because that's what I wanted? Or was it because this was what he wanted? After all, he couldn't be touching me this way if I were still a Carnation. And am I forgetting the way he drugged me when I was a Daisy?
I don't trust Jack.
I don't trust him, and I don't want this.
I can help with that, Wilson says.
No sooner do I think this than my knee jerks upward. I hit him in the junk, and he bends at the waist, groaning in pain.
"What the hell?" he snarls as he fights to catch his breath.
Touch her again, Wilson snarls. Do it. I dare you!
I turn and run down the stairs. Behind me, Jack yells hollow words. He cares about me. He's sorry. But mostly, what I hear is the last part.
The part where he says I owe him.
Chapter Forty-Five
Property
Near the bottom of the stairs, I hear the muffled sounds of people whispering.
Ignore them, I think to myself. Find Cain.
But as the voices grow louder, curiosity gets the better of me. I edge closer, keeping myself hidden. It isn't until I'm outside the foyer that I recognize the voices of Madam Karina and Candy, the Carnation that Poppet and I roomed with. The madam is scolding her for something, but I can't make out what.