So with my last bit of strength, I let out my final scream … and fade into oblivion.
Chapter 22
Alexis
I grab his arm and turn him until he’s facing me. His face is blank, but his eyes glint with unreleased tears. He lets me pull him closer until his body is against mine and my arms fold around him, his face pressed against my shoulder.
There, I hold him.
Just there.
Where the sounds of our hearts connect and our breathing synchronizes.
Where his pain becomes mine.
When I saw his scars for the first time, I knew his whole life revolved around them, but I didn’t realize just how horrible the story behind them were. Goose bumps scatter across my skin as I shiver from the thought of having to go through all that and then survive. To look in the mirror every day knowing you’d never look the same again.
I couldn’t do it.
As strong as I think I am, I could never live with that … but he can.
It only makes me admire him more.
I smile as I think about how he just shared his most painful, soul-crushing memory with me. Me, of all people. Is it wrong to feel good about that? Like we’re finally opening up to each other and reaching out to each other. Like we’re in this for more than just sex.
“I’m proud of you,” I say.
He shakes his head. “No. I was a coward.”
“You’re still here. Alive. Fighting them. If that doesn’t make you the hero, I don’t know what will.”
He leans back. “Don’t call me a hero. I’m not. Just because I went against them doesn’t erase all the shit I’ve done.”
“No, but it does mean you’re good … there.” I press a finger against his chest, where his heart is. “And that’s something to admire.”
“Admire?” He frowns. “Funny. I’d never call someone begging for his life admirable.”
“I’m not admiring that. I’m admiring your persistence to live. To not surrender.”
He turns his head away. “I did surrender.”
“What do you mean?”
He sighs. “What do you think I did all those years? After being burned and nailed, I still fucking went back to work for him.”
“Because he threatened you,” I say.
“Because it was the easy way!” he yells. “The only way to stop this from ever happening again.”
“You did that to save your life,” I say softly.
He grinds his teeth. “I should’ve quit sooner. Should’ve said no when he demanded I start working for him again. Should’ve had the guts to tell him enough was enough.”
“It’s okay …” I try to reach for his face, but he turns away from me.
“No. It’s not, and you know it.”
“Sometimes, we do things because they’re the best option for ourselves, even though they’re not always the right one. Not everything is black and white. Right and wrong. Sometimes, picking gray is the only thing you can do.”
“Hmpf.” He grunts, sighing out loud again.
“But you did the right thing in the end,” I add. “Your conscience told you to so that means you’re a good guy.”
After a while, he says, “You really think so?”
I smile when he glances at me over his shoulder. “Yeah.”
“Even though I forced you to stay in my house?”
I laugh. “You’re a grumpy bastard looking for love.”
He smiles but then hums, “Love …”
The word seems odd, almost scary, when it rolls off his tongue.
But it makes me blush too.
“Come back to bed,” I say, patting the mattress.
Reluctantly, he plops back down, and I wrap my arms around him again.
“I can’t sleep,” he says after a while.
“Just rest,” I say, closing my eyes. “Tomorrow’s another day.”
“Is that how you get through the tough times?” he asks.
“My sister and I used to say this to each other every day.” I sigh. “One day … everything will all be better.”
***
A few weeks later
The leaves crackle under my feet as I walk behind Viktor through the woods right next to his house. We’re searching for twigs and branches for the fire. It’s a bit old-fashioned, and I don’t get why he doesn’t just turn the heat up in the house. Although I have seen him sitting near the fireplace often. He seems to like to drink his coffee there and poke at his jewelry.
I don’t know. Something about him is oddly calming, and I gravitate toward that, even though he’s usually angry and stomping through the house. Right now, he’s collected with a smile on his face. He almost looks happy.