Over and over again.
I cry out in pain, watching my hand being nailed to the ground.
The anger and pain make me lash out at them but to no avail.
“Fuck!” I keep yelling as the man moves to my foot and slams one nail in.
“This is only the beginning,” Vladim glances at me with a sickening smile on his face as if it’s a just a game to him.
The man moves to my other leg and repeats the same thing. The pain is intense, and with each nail, I feel like I’m one step closer to dying. It fucking hurts so badly. I don’t wanna think it, but if I’m gonna die, I hope it’ll be quick.
“Fuck, I shouldn’t have—”
“Too late, Viktor!” Vladim yells. “Remorse won’t do you any good. It’s time for you to pay in blood.”
My final free hand is nailed to the ground.
I stare up at the sky with blood and tears in my eyes, panting from the ordeal.
But I know it’s not over yet. Far from it.
I know what Vladim is capable of. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. And now, it’s my turn to face his rage.
Why did I do it? Why couldn’t I just leave it alone?
My conscience played me, tempted me … and it’s given me only pain in return.
“Do you regret it already?” Vladim says.
“Yes,” I say, trying to ignore the searing pain in my limbs.
“You should’ve thought of that before you betrayed me!” he screams. “You leave me no choice but to make an example of you.” He looks at one of his men and then nods. “Do it.”
The guy with the hammer walks away, only to be replaced by a man who carries a flask, which he pours on one side of my face. Then he pulls out a lighter.
“No …” I mutter as he flicks it and the flame ignites. “Don’t do this.”
“Didn’t I say it, Viktor? Too late. You should’ve thought of this before you decided to go ahead with your stupid plan.”
“It was a mistake,” I mutter, watching the flame come closer.
“Accept your punishment with dignity,” Vladim hisses.
I can’t look, but I can’t close my eyes either as the man brings the flame to my face.
And sets me on fire.
I scream from the pain and choke from the smoke. It doesn’t last long, but it’s enough for me to beg to die. “Kill me!” I yell.
Nobody responds.
The smell of burned flesh and singed hair fills my nose and makes me puke. There’s no time to recover, though, as another man brings out a knife and cuts into my skin.
Not once, but multiple times.
All along my body, but only the left side.
Like they want to spare one-half of me while cutting up the other half.
My voice is shrill as I keep screaming, but no one will hear me. In this open field, no one is around to hear my cries for help. No one to fight for me. And if they don’t kill me soon, I think I might do it myself.
I fade in and out of consciousness, the blackness a comforting void. When I come back, I realize I ended up in hell on Earth. The fire and cuts alternate until they reach my waist. Only then do they stop.
My breathing has slowed to the point I’m not sure I can still speak. Vladim comes over and inspects me before telling his men something. I don’t know what he says. I can’t listen. Can’t hear. Can’t feel. Can’t see anything but pain and numbness at the same time.
“Kill … me …” The words slip from my tongue like poison. “Please.”
He smiles as he leans in. “No. You will live with this for the rest of your life, knowing I caused it. And you will keep working for me whenever the fuck I demand it. But I don’t want you anywhere near me ever again, do you understand?” he hisses.
With a croaky voice, I ask. “Why?”
“Because I want you to live with the pain.” He grabs my face and forces me to look at him. “I want you to look in the mirror every morning and see what you did to yourself when you chose to defy me. I want you to wake up reliving this nightmare over and over again. I want you to suffer for the rest of your miserable little life.” He spits on me again and releases me.
My head thuds back on the muddy ground.
“Let’s go,” I hear him say, and his men disappear out of my sight.
Their footsteps fade into the distance, just like my mind.
I lie in the grass with nothing but pain to accompany me, wondering what it all means.
I’m alive … but never the same again.
As the time passes, the pain does too, and all I feel is emptiness. Regret. Guilt.
I did the right thing.
But I should never have done it … because it destroyed my soul.
With every passing minute, my lips feel drier and my eyes burn. In the light of the sun, I won’t survive for long.