He nods.
“I thought so. I just didn’t wanna believe it.”
“I’ve lied about a lot of things, but that isn’t one of them. I wish it were, but it’s not.”
“I guess it’s just kind of hard for me to come to terms with it. I mean, who wants to hear that they were born in some kind of fucked-up institution built on lies? Besides, it’s not like I remember a lot of it.”
“What do you remember?”
I frown, trying to pull back some of the memories. “Little bits and pieces. Mostly my mom and my sister. And the room we were in. I thought it was our home. Can you imagine?” I muffle a laugh, realizing how stupid it all sounds.
“I can, actually,” he says.
“Yeah, because you worked with them.”
His eyes turn stone cold. “I hate that part of myself and my life. I wish I could erase it from my memory … and all the memories of the girls and boys who went through it.”
My brows draw together. “Why did you do it then?”
“Because I was like you, a scared kid just looking for someone to watch over him. I had no one. Then Vladim took me in. He made me feel at home. Finally, I had a purpose. I was gonna be like him. Strong. Powerful. I grew up in that environment, so it’s all I knew.” He shrugs. “I just didn’t realize what it would cost me.”
“Your humanity,” I say.
“All of it. Even this.” He points at his face. “It’s the only proof I have of knowing what happened in the company.”
I look at him and realize his scars might have been the product of him finally growing a conscience. The price he paid for fixing his moral compass.
“So do you believe me now?” he asks.
I nod. “I don’t think you’d lie about this. You want to keep me at all costs and lying wouldn’t help with that, so I believe you.”
“That sounds twisted but in a good way.” He smiles. “Thank you for believing me.”
“Yeah … well, it still doesn’t mean I forgive you. And you’ve got to tell me everything about them.”
“Someday,” he says, sighing. “Better take it slow. I don’t want you to pass out.”
“Me? Pass out?” I raise a brow.
“You don’t know all the shit we’ve done,” he says.
“All the shit you did …” I add.
He slams his lips together and nods. Things grow quiet between us.
He glowers and sighs too. “Tell me about your past.”
“Why?” I ask.
He kisses my forehead. “Because I want to know what you’ve been through, so I can understand you better. So I can make myself work harder for you because of all the shit you’ve already been through. I don’t want to add onto that.”
It’s sweet, really, even though it’s fucked up too.
But maybe telling him what I’ve been through will help him understand why I do what I do. Why I am who I am. Why I can never give up the fight to be free.
Chapter 19
Alexis
Years ago
The first months after losing our mom were the hardest.
When we ran … we had nothing.
I don’t remember much of my past, but this I do remember.
The hunger. The pain.
There were weeks on end when we lived on scraps from the dumpsters. Those were the hard days, but it didn’t take us long to learn. We discovered quickly that we couldn’t wait for help … we needed to create our own. So we started stealing. We learned how to survive.
At the time, we were still young, but we know how to play it now. Sometimes, we’re able to steal something from the local grocery store. Alisha’s always the best at it. Once, I almost got caught, so I never tried again, but no one pays attention to Alisha. She’s small and thin, like a stick, and everyone is so oblivious of her. Not of me, though. It seems like everyone always notices me.
Like now, when we’re being watched by a man sitting across from us on a bench at the park. We’re eating leftovers from the local diner a few blocks away, and he keeps eyeing me from afar. I keep getting stares from creeps like him, and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because my tits are growing. Or maybe it’s because I always stare back.
I’m not afraid of them.
I’m not afraid of anything.
There’s nothing to be afraid when you’ve already hit rock bottom because you have nothing to lose. We are the bottom.
When we were taken away from our home and lost everything we knew, we had to learn how to live again. Nothing makes you feel more powerful than to be responsible for your own life. Even as a kid, I knew that much.
So when the man gets up and walks toward us, I nudge my sister and cock my head, signaling her to pay attention. He stands in front of us with a strange smile on his face.