Hope that one day, someone will be able to look at me without complete contempt.
Most fear me, but not her. She looked with curiosity … without regrets.
And I fucking loved it.
God, the moment I first saw her, I knew I wanted to have her … but I didn’t know what lengths I’d go to make it happen.
I’m a sick bastard.
She’s the girl who exchanged her own freedom to set her sister free, and I’m the man who made her cry. Who gladly agreed to keep her here instead of her sister just to make a point. Just to have an excuse to make her stay with me.
I didn’t count on her coming back. Hell, when she left, I didn’t think she’d ever want to come to my house again, not even if I paid her to do it. But then her sister came to steal something from me. Just like that, she gave me an opportunity … and I took it.
I took it because I felt like it. Because I’m greedy. Because I can’t say no to my needs anymore.
She called me a monster … and she’s right. I am a monster.
Thunder is my only companion as I sit in my red leather chair in the darkness. Each boom another reminder of my past. I can see everything in front of me, happening all over again.
Pain.
Searing pain.
I can still feel the burn on my skin, in my hands … on my face. I can still see the scorching sun blinding me. I can still remember the need to make it all end.
All I remember is pain.
I wish it could fucking disappear.
I throw the piece of glass against the wall, crushing it to bits, and roar.
“You’ll wake up the girl if you make that much noise.” Winston walks in and grabs a broom to sweep up the mess I’ve made.
“She won’t sleep tonight,” I growl.
“You’re probably right, but still …”
“Hmpf …” I turn my head away from him and stare off into the distance.
“Viktor, are you sure this is the right thing to do?”
“I don’t give a damn.”
“She’s an innocent girl.”
“A trespasser isn’t innocent.” His whining makes me turn my head.
“She was probably only trying to stop her sister from making a huge mistake.”
“The girl already had my watch in her hand,” I say. “I doubt they’re innocent.”
“You could’ve let them go.”
“No.” My voice sounds more like a grumble than actual words, but he’s pissing me off.
“Right … If that’s how you feel …” Winston shakes his head and continues sweeping. “Well—”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, will you just give it a rest?” I frown at him. “I’m not in the mood for one of your lectures tonight, Stan.”
“How many times have I told you not to call me Stan?”
“And how many times have I told you not to fucking piss me off?”
He sighs. “You could’ve called the cops.”
“She begged me not to.” I shrug. “So I listened.”
Winston narrows his eyes at me. “You know, I think you’re just bored … and in need of a friend.”
“A friend?” I laugh, but when I notice he isn’t laughing with me, I stop. “I’ve got more than enough ‘friends.’”
“I count just one … Me.”
“And it’s more than enough.”
He shakes his head at me. “Keep lying to yourself, Viktor. I know what you want.”
“Oh yeah, and what’s that?”
“You may act like an animal sometimes, but you’re still a man underneath. And a man needs affection.”
I throw him a look. “Oh, shut up, gramps.”
He lets out another sigh and puts the broom back into place after cleaning my mess. “You disappoint me, Viktor.”
“What’s new?” I muse, but I’m only saying it to say something back. I hate it when he confronts me like this.
“I know you can do better than this,” he adds. “Be nice. For once.”
I growl and turn my head away but don’t respond. I get where he’s going. I know what I did.
“Good night,” he says, as he leaves the room. “Oh, and if you’re in a better mood tomorrow, maybe you can ask her to eat breakfast with you. To make it up.”
“G’night, gramps!” I yell as he closes the door.
God-fucking-dammit.
Now, he’s made me feel guilty.
But he’s right to … and damn, do I hate it when he’s right about me.
***
Night
I’m outside, striding through the city, hiding under a hood. I’m here but not really. I know it’s a dream, but I can’t make it go away either. I’m forced to witness my own past over and over again as memories flood my mind.