“Why are you apologizing?”
“This never would have happened to you if it hadn’t been for me.”
Pulling away, she stared up at me. “You can’t blame yourself.”
“If you hadn’t been involved in my world, you would be at home right now, sleeping in your bed with your dog at your side,” I argued.
With a defeated sigh, she said, “Maybe that’s true. But if me being attacked saved Willow from any harm, then it was worth it. Just as it was worth it to be a part of her life … and yours.”
Cupping her face in my hands, I said, “It’ll fucking haunt me forever that I didn’t keep you safe enough. I thought I was doing enough having Archer follow you home.”
Her brows shot up in surprise. “You had him follow me?”
I nodded. “I wanted to make sure you got home all right.” Jerking a hand through my hair, I sighed. “But you have my word that with everything I have in me, you’ll never be hurt again.”
“Are you sure you can promise that, Jesse James?” When I opened my mouth to protest, she shook her head. “You’re an outlaw. You and your club live by a different code that I can’t even begin to understand.”
“That outlaw code you’re talking about? I’m going to use it to ensure that you’re never harmed again and that the fucker who dared to touch you pays.” I stared into her face, searching her expression. “You get me?”
She sucked in a harsh breath as her eyes widened. I knew then she understood what I was going to do to the fucker who had hurt her. “No one is ever going to hurt you again,” I reiterated.
“I want to believe you, Deacon. But with everything that has happened to me in my life, I’m a realist. I don’t see how that’s possible.” In a low voice, she said, “How we’re possible.”
A crippling panic worked itself over my body. I didn’t like what I thought Alex was saying or what she might be implying. “So what are you trying to say? You don’t want to be a part of my world?”
Reaching past me, she picked up Mama Beth’s body wash. Taking my hand, she squirted some in my palm. “I don’t think I can take a washcloth on my skin right now. Will you be easy?”
I cocked my brows at her. “Will you answer my question?”
She raised her eyes to meet mine. “I can’t right now.”
“You can’t or won’t?”
“I just can’t,” she whispered.
“Fine.” I swallowed the lump in my throat and took a deep breath. Although I couldn’t imagine her not in my world, I had to admit that it made sense she might not want to be in it. Without another word, I rubbed my hands together to make a lather. “Turn around,” I instructed.
Slowly, she pivoted to where her back faced me. As gently as I could, I reached my hands out to touch the broken and puckered skin where that bastard must have hit her with his belt. I knew the look of the marks all too well from when my old man used to beat me when I was a kid. She jumped the moment I touched her. I don’t know if it was from the pain or from how intimately my hands were on her. Glancing over her shoulder at me, she threw me a shy glance. “That okay?”
“Yes. Thank you.”
I washed down her arms and her lower back. When I got to her buttocks, I drew in a breath. Although sex should have been the farthest thing from my mind, I couldn’t help admiring the swell of her ass, the way the globes felt when I rubbed over them. Silently, I willed myself to think of anything but sex. Instead, I focused on how I was going to pick her attacker to pieces just as soon as I could get a moment alone with him.
When I finished the backs of her legs, I stood up. “Turn,” I commanded again. She obediently followed my instructions. As if on autopilot, her arms came up to cross over her breasts, modestly covering them from me. “Babe, I had my mouth on those earlier tonight, if you remember correctly.”
Her cheeks flushed, and she ducked her head. I groaned and ran a soapy hand through my hair. “Shit, I’m sorry. That was a bastard move to remind you of earlier, considering what all you’ve been through.”
“It’s okay,” she whispered.
“No, it’s not. It’s exactly why I wanted Mama Beth or Kim in here with you. I’m fucking this up and hurting you.”
Her gaze jerked to mine. “How many times do I have to say that it’s only you I want? I need you, Deacon. I really do.”
Cocking my brows at her, I countered, “Yeah, and not five minutes ago you were acting like you were gonna bail on me and this outlaw life just as fast as you could.”