Her dark eyes narrowed at me. “Is it always only about you and your own personal revenge and vendettas, Deacon? Can you for a moment think about what it was like for me when I found out Sigel murdered my parents? The way I see it, I had just as much reason to take him out as you did.”
“You sure as hell didn’t! After what he did to Preacher Man, I deserved to take him out, not you. Dammit, Alex. You knew how much it meant to me!”
“If we’re tallying up body counts for revenge, he took out both my mother and my father. I think I had the greater claim.”
“They were just civilians. We had a club history that—” My words were cut off when Alexandra hauled off and slapped the hell out of me.
“You unimaginable bastard. How dare you stand there and spout that bullshit to me? Yeah, my parents weren’t in your precious club. They were honorable and decent people who lost their lives simply for standing up for what was right—a kid who was being abused.” She shook her head. “You know, I expected you to be fighting mad when you saw me again, but this is beyond my realm of comprehension.”
Leaning closer to me, she hissed, “I killed a man tonight. With my own hands. Hands that used to cut construction-paper hearts and point out sight words to innocent children. I did it for my parents, but I also did it for you. If I had died tonight taking out Sigel, you would still be alive for Willow. I made a sacrifice for you. And even though you’re an undeserving asshole, I would do it again so that sweet little girl wouldn’t be parentless.”
As I weighed her words, I realized what a stupid, egotistical, self-centered bastard I truly was. Staring at her, I could only shake my head. After all, what could you say befitting a woman who had gone toe to toe with a psycho to save your life and your daughter’s?
At my silence, Alex sighed. “Once they discharge me, I’ll come by the compound to get my things.”
I blinked my eyes in disbelief. “Why would you do that?”
With a mirthless laugh, Alex said, “You can’t be serious. Did you actually think after the way you just behaved that I was going to suck it up and come home with you?”
“Well, yeah.”
“Incredible,” she muttered before turning away.
I couldn’t let her go. I cared too much about her. Willow cared too much about her. “Alex, wait.”
Ignoring me, she kept walking. Desperately, I tried to think of what might get her attention. Then I blurted, “Marry me.”
Her steps faltered on the pavement. Slowly, she turned around to stare open-mouthed and wide-eyed at me. “What did you just say?”
“I asked you to marry me.”
“I think I liked it better when I thought I was hearing things.”
Scratching the back of my neck, I closed the gap between us. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry for the way I treated you earlier. It’s just …” I licked my lips, as my mouth had run dry from fucking nerves. “You scared the hell out of me going after Sigel and leaving me where I couldn’t help you. It isn’t in me to have women on the front lines, least of all my old lady—the woman I fucking love. I didn’t know how to deal. You were right to call me a bastard and an asshole because I was—I am. No matter how hard I try, I always seem to fuck things up when it comes to you.” Shaking my head, I said, “Jesus, I’m blabbering.”
“Keep going,” Alex urged.
“You’re also right to call me a selfish bastard. Before Willow, I thought only of myself, and then she came along and opened me up a little. Then you came barging in and forced me to put my own needs and desires behind those I cared about.” Reaching out, I touched her unmarred cheek. “And I do care about you, Alexandra. When I thought that I might lose you to Sigel, I thought I would die—I wanted to die. I don’t want to live without you. I love you too much.”
“You really mean that?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I do.”
Time ticked agonizingly by as she seemed to weigh her words. “I have one condition.”
“Name it. Anything.” When she nibbled on her lip, signaling her nervousness, I took her hands in mine. “What is it?”
“I want you to make the Raiders legitimate. If I’m going to be your wife, then I want to be married to David Malloy, not Jesse James.”
Her demand was something I hadn’t anticipated. While I knew she had every reason to request it, I wasn’t sure I could make it happen—or if I truly wanted it to happen. “I’m not the president, babe. I can’t make that decision.”
“No, but I know it would be something Rev would support.”