Vengeance(35)

“I didn’t mean to offend you.”

I returned from my thoughts to find Jonovan halfway out of his chair. He must have assumed that I was about to toss him out for real.

“It’s okay. No need to slide out your seat. You’re not the first person to go down that road with me, and you won’t be the last. It’s simple. I only discuss what I care to discuss and if people want to take it upon themselves to speculate or make up things about me, they can do them. I won’t be forced to feel a need to reply to foolishness.”

“Well, it’s not my intention to make anything up,” he said. “I’ll only talk about whatever you want to discuss in the article.”

I smirked. “If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard that.” I paused. “For the record, I wasn’t implying that you would. I was referring to some others who believe that writing lies about me, sensationalizing rumors, will somehow catapult their careers. Funny thing is, they write their bullshit, it’s tossed around by my other haters for a few weeks or months, I am still talented, my fans are still here, and no one even bothers to read their names on the bylines and they definitely don’t give a damn about them.”

“Yeah, that’s one reason I decided to start G-Clef. I wanted to put a positive spin on the industry. There is so much negative circulating about people who don’t deserve it.”

I smirked. “Some of them orchestrate their own drama. Don’t get it twisted. A lot of celebrities are encouraged to engage in fuckery in public, or to get into Twitter battles with each other, in order to stay relevant. A lot of them have to act a fool because their talent is mediocre. I’ve only seen a few who are exceptional do such things, and I’m convinced it is because of deeply rooted issues.”

I was talking mad shit, but I always did. I had my own demons, secrets, and debauchery going on in my private life, but I planned to keep it private. There was always that chance that someone would “blow up my spot.” My money was on Piece of Shit, which was why I made sure that he always had thick pockets so that temptation wouldn’t be there. Glaze seemed more faithful.

As for what happened to me that night at homecoming, the only living person who knew that I was Caprice Tatum was Daddy and, now, Dr. Marcella Spencer. I had yet to tell her everything, but I had already told her the truth about my identity. There was something about her that made me feel comfortable. Even during therapy as a teen, I never told the psychiatrists everything about my past; just enough about my thoughts and behavior to be diagnosed with intermittent explosive disorder.

I had never discussed the fact with them that I would not allow any man to touch me in a sexual manner. I never revealed that I had sex only with inanimate objects or sex toys. I damn sure never talked about my BDSM life with them and my sex slaves that I enjoyed dehumanizing as I watched. I had tried dating a few men in my lifetime—all fine, successful, and kind—but when it came down to being intimate, I could never go through with it.

As I sat there looking at Jonovan, I couldn’t help but wonder what his story was. Was he married? I didn’t see a ring, but that meant nothing. Tons of married men stopped wearing their rings by the end of year one, if their wives tolerated it. They did it so they could troll for pussy and their sidechicks could always say down the road that they never knew the men were married. Game; all game. Was he seriously involved? Shacking? Someone’s baby daddy? Gay? Bisexual? Did he like to be blindfolded, whipped, and did he get off if a woman put a finger up his ass? So many questions I wanted to ask the one person who cared enough to save me in October 1987. My childhood crush who I had often thought about over the years. I had even tried to find him on Facebook a few years back, not that I would have said anything if I did come across his page.

“Yeah, that’s definitely true,” Jonovan said in response to my analysis of some other celebrities. “Those Twitter battles can be something else.”

I giggled. “I like the ones where thirsty chicks will post photos of them in bed with a male celebrity to prove that they’re manpooling with his other women.”

“Manpooling?” Jonovan was lost.

“Yes, that’s actually one of the songs on the new album I’m working on. A lot of women manpool like they carpool. Basically, the song is about sharing dick.”

He grinned. “Can’t wait to hear that one.”

“Oh, it’s fire. And nothing but the truth.”

“You’re a cold piece of work. You know that a lot of women are going to get in their feelings over that?”