That's right; he had retreated for protection from the cannonballs. The artillery fire must have caused the front part of the cave to collapse, so his withdrawal had saved him from being crushed.
But to what purpose? Dear God, to what purpose?
Heart hammering, he investigated the debris that had fallen, and found that the tunnel was sealed boulders with too massive to shift. He was trapped and would die alone in the dark.
How many days would it take for starvation or thirst to kill him? How many hours and minutes without light?
The panic that had receded surged back. For his sins he must now endure all of his deepest, most shameful fears. Fear of darkness, of being trapped, of being alone. Anguish knotted his belly, then rose, expanding until it wrenched from his throat in a wordless howl.
The sound clamored from the walls, then died away, absorbed by the tons of stone and soil around him. He fell to his knees, unable to breathe. The weight of the mountain was pressing down on him, crushing his life inch by hideous inch.
Another scream ripped from his throat. He jammed his wrist in his mouth, muffling his terror against his filthy sleeve.
Escape was as close as the sash at his waist. Beyond thought, he reached under his loose coat and grasped the cool steel of his revolver. No one would ever know that he had taken the coward's way out.
He cocked the hammer, then raised the barrel to his temple and squeezed the trigger.
* * *
David's softly insistent voice said, "Laura, can you walk? We need to get out of the pass.''
She still leaned against the cliff face, so she straightened up. "I can walk," she said dully.
The sun was winter bright. It was a lovely, if chilly day, but as she started stumbling along the rough track, all she could think of was Ian, lying still and cold beneath the earth.
Your husband will be beneath the earth.
Shocked, Laura came to such an abrupt halt that David, who was behind, bumped into her. She didn't notice.
Srinivasa had never said that Ian would die. Hindus burned their dead; for a Brahmin priest, the image of being under the earth would not have the implication of being dead and buried that it had for a Christian or Muslim. Why hadn't she thought of that before?
Furiously she realized that it was because she had refused to think about it at all. Instead, she had reacted with the same childish terror that had ruled her whenever she thought of passion and her parents' tragedy. Like an ostrich, she had tried to hide from what she could not endure.
"Laura, are you all right?" David asked sharply.
She spun around and stared at the mountain where she had too quickly assumed Ian had died. The time for childish terror was over. If Ian was to have a chance, she must fight for him with English logic and Russian tenacity.
Her brother-in-law took a firm grip on her arm. "We'll rig a litter for you."
She pulled her arm away. "David, he isn't necessarily dead," she said, voice shaking. "The cave he was in was deep. He could have retreated into it, beyond the point of collapse."
"I hope to God he didn't," David said, his own pain showing. "We couldn't possibly get him out in time to save his life, even if we knew where on that damned cliff to dig."
In the throbbing silence, she knew that his thoughts were the same as hers: to die trapped under the earth was too much like Ian's cruel imprisonment in Bokhara. And while David didn't know that Ian had almost been buried alive, Laura did.
She swallowed hard, refusing to think that her husband might already be dead. Far better to remember that Srinivasa had said she would have a long and happy life, which wouldn't be the case unless Ian was alive. He must be—she would not believe he was dead until all hope was gone.
"There was air flowing through the cave—Ian mentioned it. Doesn't that mean there's another entrance?"
"There could be," David admitted. "But it might only be a narrow crack that wouldn't help Ian even if he did manage to survive the rockslide."
She frowned, thinking hard. "We must look for the other entrance so we can go in after him."
He shook his head. "Laura, you don't understand what's involved. Cave systems can be enormously complex and run on many levels. Even if we found another cave in the same area, there's no guarantee that it would connect with the one Ian was in."
Her eyes narrowed with calculation. "You sound knowledgeable."
"Ian and I explored caves in the Midlands a couple of times during school holidays," he said. "That's why I know the difficulties involved."
"Your experience will be useful. At least, it will be if you're willing to help." Her mouth tightened. "And if you aren't, I'll find another entrance and go in alone."
"It isn't a matter of being willing," he said, exasperated. "I'll do anything I can if there's a possibility that we might find Ian alive. But the chance is remote, and getting more so with every minute. Now that the pass is closed, I can't linger here. My men are needed in Jallalabad."