“Why the fuck did you do it? Why did you leave me?” His voice was hoarse and his grip around my chin was so tight I was unable to move my head.
I licked my lips and wondered what to say to him. Whatever I said would eventually end up hurting me. But not answering could cause me more harm. Why was he asking anyway? He had known all this time that I was unhappy, that he made me unhappy. Did he just choose to ignore the truth before his eyes? Was he that blinded by his obsession?
Jude’s gaze bore into mine like lasers as he waited for answers he knew already.
What the hell, I thought. He had found me. Whether I said anything or didn’t say a word, he would punish me. The truth would be best. “I was,” my bottom lip trembled, “I was afraid.”
He laughed out loud, his reaction throwing me off guard. “Afraid?” He released my chin and raked a hand through his greasy hair. “What the fuck did you have to be afraid of?”
“Of … of you, Jude. I was afraid of you.” I dipped my head and my chin hit my chest.
His laughter died. He looked back at me, his eyes narrowed. “You have no reason to be afraid of me, Haley. Not if you do exactly as I say.”
“You hurt me.” A tear trickled down my cheek. Now that I was able to talk, I wanted him to know just in case it made a difference, in case it lessened my punishment even a fraction.
The photos on the wall behind him were still urging me to look at them, but I couldn’t look away from Jude’s face. I needed to see his reactions to my words, needed him to see the naked fear in my eyes.
He came and took my hands in his. I winced as his grip crushed my injured hands. He didn’t seem to notice, or maybe he just didn’t care. He yanked me closer to him, still holding my hands tight. I started to cry from pain then, both physical and emotional.
“Haley,” he said. I could smell a mixture of alcohol and coffee on his breath. “It’s your fault. You make me hurt you. I love you so damn much, but you drive me crazy sometimes.” The final word was spoken through gritted teeth. “You left me.” He dropped my hands and wrapped a hand around the back of my head, squeezing so tight I felt the pressure inside my head. He pressed his forehead to mine and closed his eyes. I kept mine open, still aware of the pen knife in his free hand. What if he stabbed me right now? No one would ever know because he had done an awesome job with keeping me isolated. No one would come looking for me. Not even Diana because she probably thought I was somewhere safe by now.
“Why did you do it?” he whispered. “Why did you make me hurt you? Why did you make me hurt you enough to make you want to leave me?”
“I … I don’t know.” I sobbed. I had no idea who I was when I was with him, didn’t know what had triggered his outbursts, didn’t know how to protect myself from his blows. I didn’t know anything anymore.
He unglued his forehead from mine and shoved me back so hard I fell back to the floor on my butt. “You fuckin’ whore,” he barked, flames of anger exploding in his eyes. “You good-for-nothing fuckin’ cunt. You wanted to sleep with other men, didn’t you? What’s his name?”
“I … No. Who?” I covered my face with my hands, catching the tears. My mind drifted to our anniversary lunch. Had he seen Dustin? Even if there was nothing between us, Jude would have seen what he wanted to see.
“The man you were running off to be with?” He closed the pen knife and shoved it back into his pocket.
I looked up at him, vigorously shaking my head. “Honest to God, Jude. I didn’t have … I would never cheat on you.”
“Liar, you stupid, stupid liar.” His face grew puce with anger and his eyes bulged out of his head. “Tell me his name or I’ll cut your throat right now. Then I’ll hunt him down and kill him as well. Maybe I’ll bury you both in a ditch somewhere so you can rot together.” He paused. “When you try to turn your back on me, Haley, people get hurt. Remember that.”
I swallowed hard as tears poured down my cheeks and mixed with some of the snot coming out of my nose. “Jude. Really. I never. I’ll never …”
He stopped pacing and came to tower over me again. “Want to see what I do to lying, cheating whores?” He grabbed me by the hair again. Would I even have any hair left after his torture? I scrambled to my feet quickly. He released his grip and shoved me toward the wall I had seen from where I had been sitting. I felt dizzy for a moment, but I begged my body not to crumble. Not yet.
“Look long and hard, bitch.” He pushed my head into the wall, my sore forehead pressed hard again the glossy photos of the women. The images were so close that my vision blurred. He let me go and I backed away from the wall to a distance that allowed me to see. I was heaving and panting by now, and shivering all over.