“Yes, I did tell you not to work, because I love you, because I want the best for you. I want you to enjoy life. You should be grateful rather than talk shit.” He drew closer to me. “This is what’s going to happen from now on. You will stop taking the pill and we’ll make a baby as we planned. Now that you’ve betrayed me, things are going to change around here. You will no longer have access to the accounts. All your cards are now useless. If you want money, you ask me.” Before his words had the chance to sink in, he narrowed his eyes. “And you will no longer go anywhere alone. Nolan will accompany you everywhere. Get that? Betray me again and you’ll see what I’m capable of.”
Jude was not only snatching away the last piece of freedom I had, he was making me completely, financially, dependent on him. “You can’t do that.” My lip trembled.
“I can do anything I damn well please. And there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.” He backed away from me and approached the kitchen door. But before leaving he turned around, his eyes still hot coals. “Don’t you ever lie to me again or you’ll be sorry.”
When he left, I sank to the floor. He was right. He had total power over me, and there was absolutely no way out. Leaving him was not an option, it had never been. He had the weapons to destroy me if he chose to. The only thing to do was suffer silently. But a baby? A baby I wasn’t ready for? How would I be able to get out of that? There had to be a way. A baby was no option for me. Not now that he’d shown me a dark side to him, a side I never knew existed. Just as I had no choice but to stay with him, I had no choice but to continue lying to him. I just had to be more careful.
I lay with my head resting against my knees as tears soaked my new jeans. A few moments passed before I heard footsteps on the marble floor. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and raised my head.
Jude was back and the anger in his eyes had subsided. He was a completely different person, almost resembling the man I had trusted and fallen in love with.
He stretched out his hand and I hesitated but then reached for it. He pulled me to my feet and wiped my cheeks with his thumbs. Then he brushed his lips against my forehead. “Don’t cry, sweetheart. I don’t like seeing you like this. Come on, we have a gala to attend. Go and clean up and put that smile back on your beautiful face.” He ran a finger from my temple to my chin, which he tipped upward. He planted a tender kiss on my mouth. “I love you. Everything I do, I do for your own good.”
I nodded. I was too confused to do anything else.
“I promise to be the best father to our baby. And you’ll be an amazing mother.” He rested the palm of his hand on my stomach and I held my breath. “I want this baby because I love you so much. I want more of you. Don’t deny me that, okay?”
One tear and then another trickled down my cheek as I nodded again. I cried for the man I used to know, the man I used to love until his love killed mine. Today he’d said some things that proved to me that there was no going back to what we had before. Ever. Not as long as he forced me to love him, to have a baby I didn’t want.
“Forget the gala,” he said. “Go and pack. I’m taking you to Paris for the weekend.”
Some girls would have swooned at the idea of flying across the globe to one of the most romantic cities in the world, but I’d had enough of those trips. Right now, what would make me happy would be the freedom to just sit back and relax, to take a long bath and read a book, to cook my own meals, to clean my own floors, to wash my own clothes, to walk around without someone looking over my shoulder. But if today had shown me anything, it was that my husband didn’t tolerate not having things his way.
From now on, my life was not my own. I’d just blown the last bit of freedom I had.
***
Paris was beautiful as usual. I’d been there at least seven times already, accompanying Jude to one of his meetings or events, and for romantic rendezvous. This time he tried extra hard to cheer me up and I did my best to force a smile, but my heart was breaking with each breath.
We stayed at the Shangri-La Hotel, dined at Le Meurice, and he showered me with even more diamonds. As we walked the streets of Paris or sat in the backseat of a limousine, he held my hand the whole time and kissed me every chance he got.
In our luxurious bedroom, believing he had succeeded at making me forgive him for speaking to me the way he had done yesterday, he peeled off my clingy gold sheath and laid me on the bed. He made love to me, slowly, carefully. After he came, I faked an orgasm so he would stop and roll off my body. I sighed inwardly and went into the bathroom to cry softly. Even in a luxury hotel, I felt trapped. An animal in a golden cage.