Shiver(32)
“You think that’s all I’m after? Your body?” He scoffed. “Don’t sell yourself short. You have so much more to offer.”
Her hands tightened on the wheel, the only outward sign of his words affecting her.
The sun rose over the hills, turning everything a brilliant white. Clean, pure, yet brutal in its beauty.
“Tell me what you have in those boxes back there.” He needed to get her to talk to him. They used to be able to talk about everything.
“Pottery.”
“Come on. It’s a long drive. Talk to me. How did you get into pottery? Are we talking molds, wheel-thrown items? Hand-building?”
She slid him a glance. He registered her surprise before she once again turned back to the road. “We could just enjoy the quiet and scenery.”
“I’d rather get to know who you are now.”
“Why? You’ll be leaving soon. Getting back to your life.”
He didn’t really have a life. Other than his pretend one. And he could pretend anywhere. “Humor me. What will it hurt?”
“Fine.” She sighed. “When I found out I was pregnant, I had to give up the scholarship to Berkeley. I enrolled at the University of Alaska Fairbanks instead. On a whim I took a pottery class. As it turned out, I had a knack.”
“Did you graduate?”
“What, because I was pregnant you assume that I never finished my education?”
“No. That isn’t it. But since you found your knack, I wanted to know if you took it further? That’s all.”
“Sorry. I’m a little touchy on the subject since so many people pressured me to quit and get a real job to support the both of us.” She shrugged as though it wasn’t a big deal now, but he knew better.
“Who pressured you?”
“Everyone, except Tern and Grandma Coho.”
“Fiona?”
“She was the toughest. She wanted me to stay and work at the lodge. That way I could be with Fox every day.”
“How did you do it?”
“My teacher, Mrs. Bailey.” She smiled now, and it caused his heart to jump. “She believed in me so much she rented me the apartment over her garage for next to nothing and helped me with scholarships that supported us until I graduated with an arts degree. For repayment, she calls me in as a guest teacher a few times a semester, and I also do a summer class, where students come out to the lodge and we do Raku firings and the like.”
“You really enjoy it, don’t you?” When she looked at him in confusion he expanded, “I hear it in your voice, see it in your face, the love you have for your craft.”
“Yes. I do love it.” She gestured with her hands, lifting them off the wheel for a moment before returning them. “It’s hard to explain, and most people don’t understand, but to create something from the earth, something that is art yet has form and function, a simple casserole dish that has been molded, fired twice at extreme temperatures and comes through it stronger, more resilient, able to last centuries, thousands of years. It’s amazing.” She stopped and blushed. “I can get carried away.”
“Don’t apologize. We should all feel that way about what we do.”
“Do you?” She looked at him. “Do you feel that way?”
He took a moment to gather his thoughts. She’d been honest in her answers and it had shown as bright and pure as the sunlight hitting the snow around them. “I love it, yet, hate it too.” He laughed when she looked at him funny. “I know it doesn’t make sense. When everything is going right, it’s a rush, like a drug. But when it’s going bad, it can be very bad.”
“How bad?”
“Like bashing your head into a wall every day. Fighting with words that won’t form the way you want them to. Characters who refuse to cooperate. But the worst is the silence. When nobody wants to talk. When that happens, life seems like it’s over.” His voice had turned quiet at the end. He hadn’t meant to reveal so much.
“Is that the way it’s been lately?” she asked softly.
He’d known she’d see more than he wanted her to. He took a deep breath. “Yeah, lately it’s been tough.”
“Because of Earl’s death?”
Time for a change of subject. Maybe her idea of quiet and enjoying the scenery had more merit than he’d first given it credit. He didn’t want to bring Earl into their conversation. Anything to do with his father would ruin their day and any progress he might have made with Raven. “That and other things. I’ve had some life-altering experiences lately.” He laughed, knowing the sound came out sarcastic but he couldn’t help himself. “Stepping into a bear trap being one of them. Nothing like facing your own mortality to help you reevaluate your life.”