Her Guardians Lost(53)

I hated that feeling. The feeling of guilt. I knew Billy was only saying that because he wanted me to see sense. He wanted me to know he was there for me. In fact, he was telling me he was there for me. I didn’t have a choice in the matter.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner. A lot has happened over the past few days.”

Rising out of his chair, I looked up at him. “I’m going to put the kettle on and, when I get back, I expect to hear everything, Cassie. Your problems are my problems.”

Smiling, I nodded as I watched Billy retreat to the kitchen. Just being here with him and knowing I could tell him everything made me feel better. Billy was not only my uncle, he was my father and my best friend. He never judged me. Growing up, he never once treated me like a child. His motto was to treat me as an individual and let me make my own mistakes. The only thing he asked in return was that I came to him whenever I felt sad or lonely, to tell him if I had any problems. I was never to suffer alone.

And I broke that promise. I had been keeping things from him. But no more. Considering he had done so much for me, it was the least I could give in return. It was only what he had always asked of me. It wasn’t too much.

Once Billy returned with the tea, we settled down so I could begin my story. I told him everything from start to finish, ending with Michael leaving with Luana this morning.

“You’re an angel?” Billy asked in disbelief.

I chuckled. “Yeah. Go figure, huh?”

“It sounds unbelievable.”

“I know, but you do believe me, don’t you?”

Billy looked incredulous. It was almost as if he couldn’t believe I asked him that question. “Of course, that goes without question. I know you would never lie to me. It’s just hard to comprehend. It’s hard to wrap my head around the fact that angels exist. I must admit, though, it does fill me with a sense of calm and hope.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because now I truly know there is life after death. It always scared me that when we were gone, there was nothing. That we just ceased to exist.”

The thought made me shudder. It would be a very frightening to think that once you left this life, that was it. You just became nothing.

“That is a horrible thought, Billy. I’m not sure if I could even consider that even if I didn’t know it was wrong. It would frighten me to death.” I chuckled. “Excuse the pun.”

Billy laughed along with me, but then looked serious again. “How are you coping without him?”

I sighed, letting the pain grip me. “If I’m being completely honest, I’m not doing well. I think I have to remember who I was in order for Stephen to return but, apparently, that’s impossible.”

Looking up at the ceiling, Billy sat in silence. “You have to remember you as an angel?” I nodded. “Has anything come to you? Have you felt anything? Remembered anything, even if you didn’t think it’s yours to remember?”

I looked off into the distance, trying to think. There were things happening I couldn’t explain, but it just made me think I was going mad. Can I admit that to Billy?

“I hear voices.” The words just naturally slipped out.

“Voices? What voices?”

Shaking my head, I tried to think. There was always something there teasing me, guiding me to the point of no return—to the direction of my life as an angel.

“It’s my voice, but it’s not. I thought I was going mad, Billy, but I think it’s my subconscious trying to tell me something.”

“What is the voice telling you?”

“To remember.”

“Well, that’s a lot of help,” he snorted.

I couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped me. Despite the severity of the situation, I could always rely on Billy to be my rock.

“I’m having dreams of being outside a door and hearing children laughing. I keep trying to open the door, but I can never get in.”

“Can I ask what you do to try and unlock the door?”

“I kick and punch with all my might, but it never budges. Somehow, I know if I open it, I will see what I need to and be able to remember.”

Silence filled the room as Billy and I contemplated this dilemma. How can I remember something I was supposed to forget? I obviously wanted it this way, but why? Maybe I was forced, like Stephen. Maybe I didn’t have a choice. But Stephen was allowed to keep his memories. He was just stuck down here to roam the earth on his own, clinging to the fact that maybe he would be able to find others like him one day. Surely Michael must have been his beacon on his search for others. That was why he was here. That was why he entered my life.