Suddenly, Han took a deep breath and opened his eyes. His hazy gaze searched the darkness before finding her.
A small sound of joy cracked her throat. “Han!”
His eyes were bright and wide. “Lilette.”
Her hands fluttered over him, wanting to touch him, but not daring to. She finally took his face between her palms. “Does it hurt?”
He spit out the wad of herbs Jolin had put in his cheek. “Lilette—it’s not over yet.”
Tears pricked the back of her eyes. “Of course it’s not over. We have our whole lives before us.”
He slowly shook his head. “You cannot defeat Kalari. You must retreat.”
She smoothed back his hair. “I’ll let you work that out. You’re the great military mind.”
“I won’t be here.”
Something in Lilette tightened, so tight she was sure it would break her. She met Jolin’s gaze. “Fix him.”
“I can’t.”
Lilette snatched her arm, squeezing so hard Jolin winced. “You fixed me. You created potions and songs no one else could. You can fix him!”
Someone touched Lilette’s arm, and she whipped around, ready to pummel whoever had dared lay a hand on her, but it was Han. “She’s right,” he said, his face so chalky she barely recognized him. “I’m falling.”
Lilette took his hand and pressed it to her cheek. “Don’t. Please don’t.”
He wasn’t looking at her anymore. His face was distant, his gaze fixed on the stars above him. “I have fallen every day since the day I met you. Following a falling star.”
“Please.” She had hovered in the space between life and death before. If her mother had brought her back, she could bring back Han. Lilette closed her eyes. She’d never begged for anything, but she was begging now. Please, Mama, don’t take him from me.
“You always were my downfall,” he said softly. “I went willingly to it, and would do so again.”
A scream built in her chest, but she forced it down. “No. Fight it, Han. You’re the strongest man I know. The best man I know.”
He turned to her, a stillness stealing over his face. “Remember what I told you, little dragon? Fight the battles you can win. Retreat from the ones you cannot.”
The tension in his hand went soft, and his eyes grew unfocused. Something shattered in Lilette, wounding her so deep no one would ever heal it. “Han?” Her voice came out shaky and pleading.
She reached out and touched his face, his stubble scraping against the pads of her fingers. He felt alive. His flesh was warm and giving beneath her, but the emptiness in his eyes said something had gone. Whatever was left wasn’t Han. He had moved beyond her reach. All the fight went out of Lilette, and she collapsed on top of his body. Somewhere, someone was screaming, screaming, screaming.
It wasn’t until Lilette tasted blood on the back of her tongue that she realized it was her.
Chapter 40
Han was right. He did fall.
I believe he saw the pattern—that those who loved Lilette, truly loved her, always saved her life at the cost of their own. In the end, he accepted his fate long before his death. ~Jolin
Lilette rubbed her soil-caked thumb over her whole pendant. She leaned heavily on her cane as Galon settled the last shovel full of earth. Next to it, Fa’s grave had settled, becoming indistinguishable from the rest of the jungle floor.
Beside her, Jolin cried softy. Lilette couldn’t bring herself to. Crying meant she had accepted Han’s death, and she would never do so.
Days would pass and Han’s grave would look just like Fa’s. It was like they were never here. Never living and breathing and loving.
“Lilette?”
She turned to see Pan standing at the edge of the village, a bowl of fruit in her hands. She dropped it, mangoes and coconuts rolling around her feet. She rushed forward, a light coming on in her face. “It is you.” Then her gaze faltered over the new grave and she halted. “What happened?”
Lilette took a deep breath and let it out in a rush, but the words wouldn’t come. “I can’t . . .” She lifted her hands helplessly at her sides.
“Her husband died,” Jolin said for her.
Pan took the last step and enveloped Lilette in her arms. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what I did and for what you’ve been through. I’m sorry.”
Some of the pain Lilette had shoved behind a barrier of her own making leaked out, making her eyes tear. She shook her head. She couldn’t let this barrier fall, not if she was to keep going. She stepped away from Pan.
Beside her, Jolin shifted from one foot to the other. “Lilette, what are we going to do?”