He stays there, head on my shoulder, holding me tight, as both our bodies twitch with aftershocks.
Then, we’re just silent, two sweaty bodies connected by our most vital parts, while our hearts pound against our chests, and we try to catch our breaths.
I’m falling for him.
I can’t.
I can’t do this. I have too much to lose.
My job…I not only love my job, but I’ve worked damn hard, sacrificed so much, to get to where I am. And I need my income. I have a son to care for, bills to pay.
Reality leaves me feeling cold. “Leandro…”
“Don’t…” He lifts his head, staring me straight in the eyes. “Don’t ruin this, India.”
I swallow against the pain in my chest, knowing what I have to do. “I have to. I’m sorry.” I place my hand against his chest, gently pushing him away.
“Jesus Christ…” he growls, his eyes closing.
Then, he snaps his eyes back open and lets me down to my feet, slipping out of me. The loss of him inside me affects me deeper than I expected. Hurting, holding back the tears, I wrap my robe around myself and tie the belt, and I watch as he angrily pulls his clothes back on.
“You need to leave,” I tell him in a whisper of a voice.
UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE!
She wants me to leave.
Normally, that would have me feeling relieved. Not that it’s ever happened before. Women usually beg me to stay.
But not her, the one I want, and she wants me gone.
“Leave? Are you fucking kidding me?” I all but yell.
She shakes her head. Tears shimmering in her eyes, she looks like she’s about to cry.
Seeing her like this…it hurts and confuses the fuck out of me.
If pushing me away is hurting her, then why is she doing it at all?
“India…why are you doing this?”
I reach for her, but she moves away from my touch.
My hand curls into a fist, coming back to my side.
“I have to.”
My anger and frustration get the better of me. “You have to? Why? Explain this to me because I just don’t fucking get it! You clearly want me, but you’re telling me to leave? And don’t you dare fucking say it’s because you’re my therapist. You no longer are, remember?” I jab my finger in the direction of the crumpled letter on the floor.
“I might not be your therapist anymore, but I was. That matters.”
“To whom?”
“To the Health and Care Professions Council and…to me. You were my patient. I treated you. That doesn’t just go away because of a letter. If people find out that I’m sleeping with a former patient, I’ll be done for. If the HCPC gets ahold of that information, I’ll lose my license to practice.”
Controlling my frustration, I try to soften my voice as I ask, “How long would it take for this to be okay—you and me?”
“Never.”
My anger flares right back up. “This is fucking bullshit!” I growl.
“No, it’s the truth. I abused my power. I’ve become what I despise.” A tear slides down her cheek. She brushes it away. “I’m a doctor, a therapist…who just had sex with a person I was treating.”
“Jesus, India.” I rub my head in frustration. “I am not some fucking kid who didn’t know what he was doing. I am a grown man and I know exactly what I am doing, and what I want. And what I want is you.”
I wrap my hands around her arms, not letting her move away. I stare into her face until she’s forced to look back at me.
“I want you,” I repeat. “Not just for tonight. I want to be with you. I want an us.”
“I can’t—”
“Listen—”
“No. Listen to me.”
She tries to pull away, but I don’t let go. If I let her go, I know I won’t get her back.
“You might be a grown man and in control, but when I met you, you were in a bad place, and in some ways, you’re still healing. I had an influence on you, on your recovery.”
I stare deep into her eyes. “People influence one another every second of every day. That doesn’t mean they can’t be together.”
“But those people didn’t take an oath like I did.”
My body is rigid with frustration. It’s like talking to a wall. She won’t hear me.
“So, by becoming a doctor, that means you’re also a fucking nun?”
“No, but it means I can’t fuck my patients!” she snaps.
I drop my hands from her arms. Her hands cover her face. I watch her, listening to her shallow breaths.
Slowly, she lowers her hands from her face and looks at me. I can see her words in her eyes before she says them, and my stomach twists.