And what, really, was I waiting for? The only thing between him and me was me. I could get it over with now instead of wondering forever what could have happened.
He must have seen he had calmed me down when I met his eyes again because when he kissed me, it was instantly a dirty thing, nibbling on my bottom lip with his teeth, stretching it slightly then chasing it again as he let go. Through it all, his eyes remained open and on mine, so close to each other that I could make out myself in the reflection.
This wasn’t going to be an easy thing. There wasn’t going to be some miraculous fix. I was still scared shitless, but I was tired of being that way. I was tired of waiting. I was tired of wondering. I didn’t want to do that anymore, at least not with him.
I let go of his hands.
He kept them at his sides for a moment, as if making sure I wouldn’t grab them again or push him away from me. He widened his eyes imperceptibly when I reached out and grasped his waist. Then his eyes fluttered closed as I kneaded the skin.
Vince’s erection had started to flag, but perked up again at the attention. He started his movements against me, and I rocked with him, pulling him flush with my body as he humped my leg.
“I’m going to take your shirt off now,” he said to me.
I froze.
He waited, but when I didn’t move to stop him, he reached for the hem and pulled it up. His hands found the skin of my back and he rubbed upward gently, just a whisper of his nails on my skin causing my nipples to harden and goose bumps to prickle along my arms. He pushed my shirt up until we were chest to chest, then wrapped his strong arms around me. My bare stomach pressed against his. He looked me in the eyes and then slid the shirt up and over my head, dropping it to the floor once my arms were cleared.
I’d never felt more exposed in front of another person before, and I had to fight down the urge to shove him out of the way and run out of the room. As it stood, I couldn’t decide what to do with my arms, either crossing them over my chest or folding them around my stomach. I felt my face start to burn as I looked toward the floor between us, ignoring his cock and focusing on my feet. I wasn’t ashamed of myself, just… I didn’t think I could compare. We’d never talked about any of his past boyfriends, and from what little I knew it was more of a string of one-offs that hadn’t manifested into anything more, but given how Vince had looked at that twinkie Eric and Bear Dude, I didn’t understand how he could look at me the same.
As if he could hear my thoughts, he said, “Look at me.”
I shook my head.
“Paul.”
I looked up at him. Somehow. Someway.
There was no pity in his eyes. There was no disgust. There was no hesitation. There was only hunger as he watched me, a flared lust that almost knocked me flat as his gaze traveled the length of my exposed torso. I tried to take a step back, to put some distance between him and myself, but I was against the door. I could feel his cock jutting out against my thigh.
Before I could speak, he dropped his hand to the fly of my jeans and with an expert flick of his wrist, the buttons came undone. Without stopping, he reached in past my nonsexy underwear and circled his hand around my dick, giving a sharp pull. I throbbed in his hand and laid my head back against the door, trying to clear my thoughts to be able to say something, to do something.
His lips came to my exposed neck as he jerked me off against the door. “I want to fuck you,” he murmured into my skin. “Can I fuck you, Paul?”
“Yeah,” I said hoarsely.
He let me go and left me near the door, going to the bare nightstand next to his bed. I felt bereft at the loss of his touch, the room a tad cold. I’m sure I looked ridiculous standing there, shirtless, with my dick hanging out of my unbuttoned jeans, watching the way his ass moved in the soft light coming in through the single window. He glanced back at me, a lazy smile on his face as he waved his hand at the bed. He flicked on a lamp near his bed and started rooting around in his drawer.
I reached back and put my hand on the doorknob and gave it an experimental tug. I needed the reassurance that it was there, that I could leave if I needed to. The knob twisted in my hand. I could leave. I could leave.
But then Vince found what he was looking for in the drawer and set it near the pillow, flopped down on the bed, and looked over at me. He gave his dick a gentle tug as he watched me. “You coming?” he asked.
I almost choked. “You keep jerking off like that, probably.”
“That’s the idea, yeah?”
“I guess.”
“Paul?”
“Yeah?”
“It’s real.”
“Okay.”
“We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want.”