“I wouldn’t go that far. And kimonos are Japanese.”
I waved my hand in dismissal. “It’s all Asia.”
Sandy stared at me. “Oh my God, you’re already starting to talk like him.”
Crap. “Shut up.”
“Paul’s got a boyfriend,” he sang.
I blushed, unable to stop myself.
“You have arrived at your destination,” That Damn Bitch said.
“We’re in the middle of the freeway!” I shouted at her.
“Recalculating,” she growled.
“She just wanted us to stop so we’d get hit by a tractor-trailer,” I muttered.
“Maybe you should see if your psychic ex-boyfriend knows any mediums so we can see if your car is haunted too.”
“Ugh, like the period ghost took over my GPS? I’m not going to put a tampon in the tailpipe. I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t be good for the ozone. Might have one of Vince’s nocturnal emissions.”
Sandy giggled. “Or maybe it’s a whole new ghost, one that died on a lonely and dusty stretch of road when her jealous lover killed her in a fit of rage. Now she tries to exact her revenge by going after men who remind her of her killer.”
“And I remind her of her straight, jealous boyfriend?”
“Lover,” Sandy corrects me. “She had a boyfriend, too, but in the end, she decided she wouldn’t leave him for the jealous lover, which caused him to murder her. It’s all really hypothetically tragic.”
“And now she’s hypothetically haunting my Prius?”
He sighed forlornly. “She’s waiting until the moment when you finally listen to her and drive off the edge of a cliff so she can move on to her next victim.”
“If I die, I’m coming back to haunt you.”
“Or,” he said, “you’ll get reincarnated as the makeup tape I use to hold my junk back when I’m performing.”
I grimaced. “I really could have done without that thought.”
“Well, don’t die, then.”
“You hear that, That Damn Bitch? You can’t murder me because I don’t want to be ball tape.”
“Please make a U-turn,” That Damn Bitch said.
Sandy stared at the GPS. “Isn’t she supposed to say to make a U-turn when it’s safe to do so?”
I shook my head. “She used to say that, but for some reason she stopped. I thought it was a malfunction at first, but now I know she just wants me to die.”
He looked out the window, a slight frown on his face.
“Are you okay with this?” I asked him suddenly, before I could stop myself.
He looked surprised. “Going to the bike store? I told you I was. I wouldn’t be going if I didn’t have to. I’m a big girl, Paul. I know how to say no. Or, please don’t stop, Daddy.”
I grinned at him. “I love you, you know?”
He smiled sweetly at me. “I know, baby doll. And I love you.”
“I wasn’t talking about the bike store, though.”
“Oh?”
“I was talking about… you know.” This is so stupid.
“What?” He looked perplexed.
“Me and Vince.”
Sandy cocked his head at me. “What about you and Vince?”
“That we’re… you know.”
“In lurve?”
“Gross. Shut up. No. That we’re… dating. Or whatever.”
“Paul, are you trying to ask me if I’m mad that you have a boyfriend?”
“It sounds so stupid when you say it like that.”
“But that’s what you’re asking?”
“Yes.”
He reached over and grabbed my hand, holding it gently. It felt safe. Comfortable. Like he was my home. “Sugar, I am over the moon for you,” he said quietly. “If there is anyone I know that deserves happiness, it’s you. You are the bestest friend I’ve ever had, and if someone else finally gets to see what I get to see, then you will never find me jealous of him for taking up some of your time. But know this: if he hurts you in any way, shape, or form, no one will ever be able to find his body. You get me?” A bit of Helena flashed in his eyes.
I squeezed his hand. “I get you. And I’m not going to let things change. Things will be just like they’ve always been.”
Sandy’s smile took on a melancholic curve. “Everything changes sometime.”
“Not us,” I insisted. “I won’t let that happen. It’ll still be you and me against the world.”
“And Vince.”
“No. Not and Vince. You’ve been here practically my whole life. I’ve known Vince a few days.” Even though it feels like so much longer, was the thing that went unsaid. We both heard it, but didn’t address it.