“Yeah.” I looked away.
“Named Wheels.”
“Uh. Yeah. Because he has a wheeled cart attached to his butt that helps him get around. It seemed appropriate.”
“And you think your house is haunted by a ghost on her period?”
“Well, no. I don’t think so. That one guy did.”
“But you put tampons out for her.”
“I thought she might need them,” I said defensively. “You don’t know how much courage it took for me to go buy those things. I felt like an idiot when I had to ask a woman in the aisle the difference between the ones with applicators and the ones that looked like those bath toys we played with as kids that you’d drop them in the water and they’d expand into animal shapes. I told her I couldn’t take it if it was going to blow up to look like a bloody duck-billed platypus. That would have been way too much for me to deal with.”
“Paul?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t take this the wrong way.”
I tried not to flinch. Here it comes.
Vince sighed. “I think I’m going to fall in love with you.” He made it sound as if it was inevitable. And wonderful.
I choked on air. And my tongue. And my saliva. And my thoughts.
It took all that I had to turn back and look at him again, my heart thundering in my chest.
He was asleep, his head against the window. A soft little snore escaped from his mouth. I didn’t think anyone died from going to sleep with a concussion no matter what doctors wanted us to think, so I let him be.
My hands shook as I started the car and headed for home.
WHEELS turned out to be the biggest traitor of all.
We got back to the house and I woke Vince gently, letting him know he had to wake up. His eyes fluttered open and he smiled at me as he awoke, and it was all I could do to keep from taking off my clothes right then and screaming, “Take me!” Somehow, I was able to restrain myself.
Barely.
I helped him out of the car, and he leaned on me far more than was necessary, but for some reason I let it slide. What can I say, I’m a nice guy.
I could hear Wheels even before we got to the front door, obviously overly confused and excited as to why I’d be back so early in the day. His thrilled yips made it sound like he was giving birth to a dog twice his size, and I knew if it went on, most likely his heart would explode
“He’s a little dog, isn’t he?” Vince asked as I fumbled with my keys. His arm went around my waist as he leaned in and nuzzled my neck. I cursed under my breath as I tried to put my car key in the lock on the door.
“Er. Yeah.” I suddenly felt the need to defend my tiny dog. “Kind of. I was going to get a golden lab, but he was a jerk.”
“The dog was a jerk?”
I almost dropped the keys. “Yeah. I guess. He thought he was better than everyone else. And he was mean to Wheels, so I picked Wheels over him instead.”
“You picked your little dog as revenge to another dog?”
“Not revenge. Wheels needed a home.” I finally found the right key and opened the door.
Wheels attempted to spin in circles when he saw me walk through the door, his cart rocking up onto one wheel as he turned. He spun three times before he stopped, becoming painfully aware that there was someone with me. He froze, glaring up at me as if I’d betrayed him completely.
“Don’t you give me that look,” I scolded him as I helped Vince through the door. “I don’t have time to deal with you right now.”
Vince started laughing quite hard. “Ow!” he said, holding his side as he huffed out laughter. “Ow!”
“What’s so funny?”
“He doesn’t have a tail!”
I scowled. “That’s not his fault. He got hit by a car.”
“He looks like he hates me already.” He chuckled.
“You’re laughing at him. You got hit by a car and I didn’t laugh at you.”
Vince smirked tiredly. “Nah. You just made out with me.”
“I was trying to give you mouth to mouth!”
“Dude, I was still breathing.”
“I panicked,” I defended myself.
He squeezed me tighter. “You can panic on my tongue anytime.”
I helped him to the couch rather than say anything in response. It seemed safer. Everything felt all topsy-turvy, and I didn’t want to risk opening my mouth and making it worse. I tended to do that quite often, and this situation felt perilous.
I could hear Wheels following us, his toenails clacking on the tile, his wheels squeaking as he rolled behind us. He was sniffing in these short, tiny bursts, and I knew he was smelling Vince, trying to figure out who the fuck I’d brought into his house. I also wanted to sniff Vince repeatedly, but that was something I figured I’d better keep to myself. He wasn’t cocaine, after all. Well, not that I did cocaine or anything. I’d seen Scarface. I knew what it did to people.