She raised her haughty little nose. “Why should I?”
I turned to shadow for a split second to glide through the desk, then I grabbed her by the throat while my eyes turned red with rage. “Because I demand it.”
We stared each other down, her body glowing with light and power as she faced me. The high and mighty Jophiel and I had never gotten along. For years, she’d blamed me for killing her former lover, Archangel Michael, even though I never would’ve done such a thing. He and I had once been enemies, that much was true, but we’d worked too hard to end the war and establish peace between angels and demons. Why would I kill him after all that effort? His death nearly undid the treaties as it was. Now we knew Archangel Azrael was behind Michael’s death, and he was in Penumbra Prison—a place where the angels, demons, and fae kept the worst supernaturals locked up. Yet she still hated me.
“I don’t take orders from you,” she finally gritted out.
I tightened my fingers around her throat, my darkness filling the room like ink. “Not even you can resist an order from the devil.”
“Villain,” she muttered. “All you do is lie and kill.”
I arched an eyebrow. “Enlighten me on the truth then. You know I didn’t kill Michael.”
“But you did kill my father!”
I rolled my eyes. Not that old excuse for her continued behavior. “Phanuel attacked me, as you well know. It was self-defense and we were at war then. We aren’t any longer.”
That only made her glare harder at me. “Not at war? Tell that to the angels and demons who died at Seraphim Academy last year.”
“We both know that was Azrael’s doing.” I cocked my head. “Wasn’t he your former lover as well? I heard the other Archangels have been suspicious about your loyalties lately.”
“My loyalties are to other angels and to my family,” she snapped. “Including Hannah. It’s your fault she’s doomed to die, over and over. I won’t let you hurt her again.”
I sensed she was talking about something specific, something from this past life of Hannah’s that I couldn’t remember. My anger exploded and wrapped inky darkness around her. “Show me,” I demanded, and even the Archangel Jophiel couldn’t deny a command from the King of Hell.
She finally relented with a sharp nod, and I let go of her. She drew in a ragged breath and then reached up to touch my forehead. Light burst in front of my eyes and warmth flooded my skull, radiating out from Jophiel’s touch as memories rushed through my mind. My anger washed away, replaced with a potent mix of happiness, pain, and grief, and I nearly stumbled under the weight of it. Within seconds I was hit with everything from the relief of finding my mate alive again, to the joy of being with her every moment I could, to the heartbreak of losing her.
I stepped back and bent over, gripping my head, as the memories consumed me. Our first meeting, our first kiss, our first time making love. Long talks into the night where she made me question my beliefs. Flying together, her wings silvery white against the moonlight. And then losing her in a way too painful to even focus on.
When all of it faded to a bearable level, I was left with the true knowledge of Hannah’s angelic life, and what the two of us had shared together.
And everything we’d lost.
My anger returned with greater fervor than before, making it hard for me to even think. An entire life with Hannah had been erased from my memories by Jophiel, who had no right to do such a thing. I held myself tense as I spoke through gritted teeth, then lifted my red eyes to Jophiel again. “How dare you? You’ve hidden this from me for years. Not to mention what you did to Hannah…”
“I only did it to protect her!” Jophiel said, as she stepped back from my rising darkness. There was nowhere for her to go. Her back hit the door and she glowed brighter, but she wasn’t a fighter. Not really. We both knew she had no chance against me.
“I should make you pay for what you’ve done.” My magic gathered around me as my wings unfurled, my darkness eager to do my bidding. I breathed through it, the desire to lash out and punish her for her actions almost overwhelming every other thought in my head. It would be so easy to let the darkness tear her apart limb by limb, a fitting punishment for her crimes, which I now knew went above and beyond erasing memories. But then I thought of Hannah in the other room, and the way she’d jumped in front of me to save this wretched angel. No matter what Jophiel had done, they were sisters, and I couldn’t hurt her.
I reined in my dark desires with effort. When I folded my wings and snapped them away, the shadows receded. “I won’t punish you.” Then I smiled, and not in a nice way. “No, I’ll let Hannah do that when she learns what you’ve done.”
Jophiel shuddered a little, but then looked me in the eye. “We both know my actions have kept her alive this long. Leave Hannah here with me. I can protect her better than you can.”
“Never,” I growled. “Her place is by my side.”
The second I said the words, doubt crept in. Perhaps the angels could do a better job of keeping Hannah safe. I’d done a shit job at it for thousands of years, after all. This newly remembered life of hers only proved that even more. Every time she was reborn, I swore to myself I’d protect her and that this time it would be different, and then I failed. Over and over.
My memories weighed heavily on me as though they were as fresh as the day they were created, and though I detested Jophiel, I knew she would protect Hannah with her life. Yet I couldn’t give up my mate completely either.
I moved to the window beside Jophiel’s desk. “I’ll leave Hannah with you…for now. But when she wishes to return to me, you must allow her to do so.”
She sniffed, back to being haughty. “Shall we make a deal for her time, like you did with Demeter over Persephone?”
I should have known she’d get in one last jab by reminding me of that mistake. “I’m done making deals.”
I pinned her with a dark look, before turning to shadows once again and heading outside, into the night. I hovered there, invisible to any mortal who might look up at the sky, as I watched Hannah through the library windows.
Children walked along the street below me in their costumes, many of them dressed as the creatures of the night I ruled over, while Hannah leafed through book after book. Reading about me, no doubt.
Halloween had always been my favorite of Earth’s holidays—a night when everyone embraced their inner wickedness and allowed themselves to love the darkness. Tonight though, it was me who was haunted.
My chest ached as I watched Hannah, wishing I could go to her, but doing my best to respect her wishes. I reached out as though I could touch her, imagining her soft skin under my fingertips, then clenched my hand into a fist. Damn this curse. It had killed her hundreds of times, putting her through so much agony, more than any one mind could possibly bear. No wonder she could only see glimpses of her past in her dreams. Anything more would shatter her mind. And me? The curse had destroyed me emotionally over and over, hundreds of times throughout the years, and would continue to destroy me still.
Could I go through this again? Could she? How many more times must we suffer?
Perhaps it was time to end this curse…but I didn’t know if I could bring myself to do the only thing that would stop it.
The price was far too high. A sacrifice, and one I’m not sure I could make.
28
Hannah
Sunlight wanted me to wake up, but I clamped my pillow over my head and ignored the bright, shining ball of fire in the sky. After Lucifer had left, I’d sat at the table in the library, reading about angels and demons until well into the night. When my eyelids had started drooping, I’d come to lie down in the bedroom Jo had let me use, hoping that staying up so late would help me sleep better.
I should have known that wouldn’t work. It never did.
Violence had crowded my dreams, and what I now knew were events from my past lives had echoed through my head, leaving me sweaty, rumpled, and still tired. Gadreel had been in one of them, wielding a sword, presumably from my life as Lenore. I didn’t remember any of the other dreams except in snippets that disappeared like fog when I tried to chase them.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get back to sleep. I rolled over and groaned. In all the time since the accident, only when I slept beside Lucifer had I slept well.
Lucifer… My heart ached at the thought of him. After only a few days of knowing him, I already missed his presence, even though I wasn’t sure how I felt about him. Or what my place in the world was anymore.
When I walked into the huge, white, gleaming kitchen, Jo looked up in surprise. “I was just about to wake you. I made breakfast, if you’re hungry. Eggs, bacon, and toast.”
“Thanks,” I mumbled, as I headed straight for the coffee pot. I still wasn’t happy with my ‘sister,’ and I couldn’t pretend otherwise. She’d hidden so much from me, and I suspected there were so many more things she hadn’t told me yet. But she was an angel…one of the good guys? Right? Or was that a lie too?
“You made the right choice by staying here,” Jo said with a self-righteous smile, as she made up a plate for me. “I can protect you from Lucifer.”