Storm and Fury(73)

I might not know what it was like to be in love or to love someone like he had, but I thought... I thought you knew if you really liked someone, that if there was a potential for that, even if you didn’t know a person for weeks, months or years, you just knew. And if you knew you really liked someone, you’d reach out and seize it. You’d chase after it.

And I knew that I really liked him, and I knew that even as messed up as things were right now, if he felt the same way, I’d reach out and seize it. I’d chase after it.

But I was pretty sure that, even with everything he’d said, he wasn’t going to go down that road with me. He wasn’t seizing or chasing anything. He wasn’t ready.

“It’s okay,” I said, and I forced a smile even though this didn’t feel okay.

It felt horrible.

Zayne’s fingers splayed across my cheek, and my eyes drifted shut. “Trin...”

My smile started to wobble, and I knew it was time for me to get some space. Everything had to be okay. I needed his help. He was going to need mine, and me crying wasn’t going to make things okay or any less awkward.

His thumb slid over my chin, just below my lip, causing me to suck in a shallow breath. I felt that gentle sweep all the way to the tips of my toes. “Are things really okay?”

I nodded, opening my eyes. “Yeah, I understand.”

Doubt clouded those beautiful eyes of his, but he smiled as he dipped his chin, pressing his lips to the center of my forehead. The kiss was like the one earlier in the garage, sweet and gentle, and completely devastating.

Pulling back, I slipped free and rose on unsteady legs. “I think... I’m tired. I mean, I am tired. I’m just going to head to bed.” It wasn’t even eleven o’clock yet. “Thank you for talking to me.”

He opened his mouth, but seemed at a loss for what to say. Finally, he a managed with a dry rasp, “Please don’t thank me right now.”

My chest spasmed as I nodded. I turned before I could do something...impulsive and reckless, like say screw the real, painful heartbreak that was sure to come down the road and climb into his arms, because I thought he’d let me do just that.

That he’d welcome it.

I couldn’t do that...because I was already starting to fall for him, and I couldn’t let that happen.

I had to be smarter than that.

I would be smarter than that.

Because I’d finally found someone I wanted, I yearned for, and I wasn’t going to play second fiddle to a past he was still working through.

Hurrying around the couch, I went straight for the bedroom, stopping at the opening. “Good night, Zayne.”

He remained on the couch, and as I started to close the door, he said, “Good night.”

I closed the door.

And I locked it.





32


I didn’t cry.

I wanted to, but the tears built and built and went nowhere as I lay on my back, wishing I was looking at stars.

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d let myself cry. When Mom died? No. Holy crap, even then, I’d held it in. Sure, I’d felt the burn of tears in my throat and in my eyes, but I’d never let them out.

I couldn’t let them out now.

I didn’t get much sleep. Every time I did fall asleep, I jerked awake what felt like minutes later, pulling myself out of nightmares surrounding a bleeding, dying Misha or dreams where I was following Zayne but could never reach him no matter how fast I ran or how many times I called his name. That happened all night, so when I finally awoke in the early morning and could see the faint light of dawn seeping under the heavy blinds, I gave up on sleep.

I rolled onto my other side and reached for the worn book on the nightstand. Curling my fingers around the frail binding, I pulled it close to my chest and held it there as I closed my eyes.

I needed to get my life right.

That’s what I realized in those early-morning hours as I lay in Zayne’s bed, holding my mother’s book to my chest. I thought about what had happened last night between Zayne and me. I thought about what the witch had told Roth and me, and I thought about what could be happening to Misha at this very moment.

I didn’t for one second think that Bael just wanted to capture, kill and then sell me in pieces to the coven. There had to be more behind this, and that was what I needed to focus on. Not whatever had happened between Zayne and me.

I was going to find Misha, and then I’d help Zayne and his clan find this thing that was killing them, and then Misha and I would go home. Zayne... He would just be a memory. Hopefully, when I had some distance, it would be a good memory, but even if it was still a sad one, it wouldn’t matter, because I would have Misha and Jada. I would have my duty—Misha and I would have our duty.

But what if tonight led us nowhere?

The demon took Misha to get to me. He’d already sent Hellions and imps after me. What if the only way I was going to find Misha was to give Bael what he wanted?

Me.

I squeezed the book to my chest as my stomach dipped and twisted. That sounded...insane and reckless, but I would be willing to do it. If we didn’t get answers tonight...

I must’ve dozed off again, because I woke to find Peanut sitting on the edge of the bed and my mother’s paperback stuck under my chest.

“Morning,” Peanut said, swinging transparent legs. “Well, it’s almost afternoon. You should get up and, I don’t know, do something productive.”

I frowned at him.

“And you may want to get up soon, because I think Mr. Brooding Hot Gargoyle Man-Boy is making bacon.”

Bacon?

I’d get up and face Zayne completely naked for some bacon.

I shifted onto my back, pulling the book out and placing it on the nightstand. “What time is it?”

“Time for you to get right with your life.”

I rolled my eyes.

“It’s almost noon,” he replied. “Is everything okay with you and Zayne? When I came back, you two weren’t all snuggled up like little cuddle bugs.”

I didn’t want to even think about the fact that he’d seen us together, and I also didn’t want to acknowledge the way my chest spasmed. “Things are fine,” I said finally.

“Sure didn’t seem like that last night.”

“Speaking of last night...” I sat up and pushed my hair out of my face. “Who is this girl you’ve been talking to?”

“Gena? Oh, she’s awesome. She saw me a couple of days ago when I was checking out the lobby. She’s introduced me to Stranger Things and I’ve introduced her to Star Wars. You know, the original three, which are the only ones that count.”

I didn’t know how I felt about someone else being able to see Peanut. “How old is she?”

“Fourteen? I think? She’s cool. You’d like her. I should introduce you two.”

My stomach pitched. “You haven’t said anything about me—about what I am?”

He rolled his eyes. “Duh. No. I’m not dumb. But if she can see me, doesn’t that mean she’s like you?”

“Not exactly.” I rose. “She’s probably got an angelic ancestor somewhere down the family line, but it’s not the same. I’m—”

“A special snowflake?”

I shot him a narrowed glare. “No. I’m first generation. I’d like to meet her at some point, but right now I’m going to shower and start getting my life right.”

“About time.”

Ignoring that, I went into the bathroom and took a quick shower, letting the hot water wash away what felt like a layer of funk. When I was done, I combed out the knots in my hair and changed into a pair of leggings and a lightweight, comfy shirt with a happy face in the center of the chest.

Peanut was gone from the bedroom. I stopped at the door and took a deep, calming breath.

I can do this.

I could walk out there, see Zayne and act...act right. I could do it. I had to do it.

So I did it.

As I opened the door, my stomach grumbled at the scent of bacon. Zayne was at the kitchen island, plucking the crispy strips out of the pan. My steps slowed as he lifted his head and looked at me. Even though I couldn’t see his eyes from where I was, I could feel the intensity in his stare.

A wave of awareness shimmied over my skin as I forced myself to keep walking toward. “Morning,” I murmured. “Or afternoon.”

Zayne placed a couple of strips of bacon on a plate, and as I drew closer, I saw the faint smile on his lips as he tucked a strand of hair back behind his ear. “I was just about to see if you were awake.”

“I am,” I said, and then realized how stupid that sounded. I went to the fridge and pulled out the bottle of juice. “Did you sleep well last night?”

“Yeah.” He turned, placed the tongs in the pan and dropped his hands on the island. “Actually, that’s a lie. I slept terrible last night.”

My gaze flicked to his, and I sucked in an unsteady breath. “I didn’t sleep all that well, either.”

“Sorry,” he murmured, lowering his gaze. “Hopefully the bacon and the news I have for you will make up for it.”

“Bacon pretty much fixes everything.” I sat on the stool, tucking my bare feet on the rail. “What news do you have?”

“Gideon called this morning,” he said, speaking of the Warden from his clan. “He got us the address of this senator. His primary address is in Tennessee, but he’s got a house just across the river, near the restaurant where we met Roth.”