Storm and Fury(72)

“What?”

I shook my head again, heart pounding and my throat boarding as I looked up at him. “Did you want to do that with me last night or were you thinking of her?”

His eyes widened. “Jesus, is that a serious question?”

“The first time I kissed you, you launched yourself off me like a rocket, and any other time we’ve gotten close, you’ve pulled away. It wasn’t like you jumped my bones last night. I had to... I had to convince you,” I whispered, stomach twisting as I realized that was true and I couldn’t look at him. “You listed all these reasons and I—”

“You didn’t have to convince me. What I feel for Layla—what I’ve felt for her had nothing to do with last night. At all. What we shared was damn near perfect,” he continued, and I felt the couch shift when he sat next to me. I jerked when I felt his fingers under my chin. “Sorry,” he murmured, tilting my gaze back to his. “There isn’t a fucking moment of last night that I regret.”

I blinked.

He held my gaze for a moment longer and then looked away. “I’ve known Layla for what feels like half my life. Longer, really. She was... She was just this little girl at first, following me around and being...well, a nuisance. I imagine it was a lot like you and Misha.”

Squeezing my eyes shut, I took a ragged breath. I wanted him to shut up. I wanted him to keep talking. I wanted...

I didn’t know what I wanted.

But Zayne kept talking. “As she grew older and so did I, I knew she had a crush on me, and it was easy to ignore at first, because she was younger, but then she wasn’t and she was going to public school, something she’d begged and pleaded for my father to allow, and I looked forward to her coming home each day and telling me about her day. I knew she liked me, but it wasn’t something either of us acted on.”

“Because she wasn’t a full-blooded Warden?” I opened my eyes.

He was still staring down at his hands when he let out a rough laugh. “No. Because her mother’s abilities manifested differently in her. You know about some of them, but she can’t kiss anything with a soul. She’ll feed that way.”

My eyes widened.

“That would make pursuing a relationship...difficult, but I trusted her. I never feared that she’d harm me. She just didn’t trust herself,” he said, tipping his head back. His throat worked on a swallow. “I don’t know exactly when I realized that how I felt for her wasn’t anything...brotherly. It was before Roth came into the picture. That I do know, and I dated, but I just wasn’t into anyone because of her. I would flirt with her, but she never thought I saw her like that. No matter how many times I flirted with her or dropped hints that I was...I was into her, feeling the same way, she just didn’t see it. Then Roth came along.”

“I... Roth said you two were together at some point?”

He lowered his chin and nodded. “We were. We tried. It’s a long story, but Roth pushed her away because my father threatened him to get him to stay away from her. Roth obeyed out of fear for her, and it was my chance—it was our chance to try to make it work. We both saw that and we took it, but it didn’t last.”

“Because you tried to kiss her?” I asked, thinking that not being able to kiss would suck, but there were all kinds of things you could do that didn’t involve mouth on mouth.

“We were actually able to kiss. We’d thought it was because she was able to control her abilities, but she had Roth’s familiar on her at the time, and it altered her abilities—”

“Bambi?” I asked. “Or another one?”

“Bambi.” He looked at me. “How did you know?”

“I met her tonight. She was on that witch.”

“That damn snake kind of grew on me.” A faint smile appeared and then faded. “When Layla got hurt by my clan, she was dying. The witches had a cure and Roth bartered for it. They wanted Bambi, and he gave her to them. I hear losing a familiar is like losing a part of yourself, but that’s how much he loves Layla.”

“Oh,” I murmured.

“Anyway, the last time I kissed her, Bambi wasn’t on her, and she accidentally fed on me,” he said. “Took just a small piece of my soul, but that wasn’t what ended us. She chose Roth, and the whole time she was with me, she really just wanted him. She loved me. She still loves me, but she...she just loves Roth more.”

I winced. That was the same thing Roth had said.

“Afterward, I was pissed. I felt like I’d been used and then discarded.” A muscle flexed along his jaw. “I was angry at her for a long time.”

“You seem like you’re still angry at her.”

Zayne looked over at me. “I’m not.”

“Really?”

“No. If anything, I’m angry at the situation, because I didn’t just lose a relationship with her, I lost someone who was basically my closest friend. Things changed. They changed for her. They changed for me,” he said. “And I know I’ve seemed angry with her, and I have been, but not because she broke up with me. It’s because she still tries to treat me like nothing has changed. Like she can demand to know what’s going on in my life and who I’m with. I was hanging out with a girl, and Layla got in the middle of that.”

“Stacey?”

“God, what didn’t Roth tell you?”

“Sorry,” I muttered. “He made it sound like Stacey had lost someone?”

“She did. Her boyfriend. He was also Layla’s friend.” He dragged a hand through his hair. “Stacey and I are friends. We...made out a few times. Things were kind of awkward afterward, because of us both being close to Layla. I haven’t seen her a while.” He lifted a shoulder. “Anyway, Layla thinks I owe her... I don’t know what. Acceptance? I’ve already accepted that she’s with Roth. Forgiveness? It took me a while to get there, but I have gotten there. To go back to the way things were before, like none of this happened? I’m not sure if that’s ever going to be possible, and it’s kind of messed up that she expects that of me.”

“Kind of?” I repeated. “I kind of think it’s super-messed-up, to be honest. I mean, this wasn’t that long ago, right?”

“December,” he said. “Not forever ago, but not yesterday.”

“No.” I studied his profile, unsure how I felt after hearing all of this. That was seven months ago, not six, and I didn’t know how long it took to get over a broken heart. “I don’t know what to say right now.”

That was true, because knowing this helped me understand, but it didn’t ease the ache in my chest. Or the simmer of jealousy in my gut, because I wanted...what Zayne felt for Layla, for him to feel that for me.

How could Layla not have chosen Zayne?

He was loyal and kind. He was smart and funny. He was strong and protective. He was the good guy with a very wicked side, if last night was any indication.

Zayne wasn’t perfect, but damn, he was close.

“Roth should’ve kept his damn mouth shut, because how in the Hell is he supposed to know how I feel or know what I want when I don’t even know?”

I clutched my knees. “What do you mean?”

Zayne shook his head. “I thought... I thought I did. Hell. For the last seven months, I thought I would only ever really want one person. Like really want to be with her, and that was how I felt until you laid my ass out in the training room. I wanted you then. Right there, on the damn mats. You have no idea how much restraint I had to use to not...” His hand curled in his lap, his knuckles bleaching white. “I don’t even think I ever wanted her like that. It was like a damn punch to the gut.”

My lips parted.

“It shocked me. That’s why I jumped off you. I’ve never felt such a...raw reaction to someone. I...I don’t know what I’m doing when it comes to you. When I’m with you, I don’t think about her, and I sure as Hell don’t see her. I see only you. I just don’t know what that means. All I do know is that I never meant to hurt you.”

I believed him.

Tears crowded the back of my throat as I nodded. I did believe him, and somehow that made me want to let go and cry. I looked away, having no idea where that left me—left us.

No, that was a lie.

I did know.

“I like you, Trin, and I care about you. I do, and I know it means something,” he said, and when I didn’t look at him, I felt his fingers curl around my jaw, tilting my head back until I met his gaze. “And I do want you. Hell, I’m coming out of my skin from wanting you, and I feel like I’m... Like I’m drawn to you. It’s the craziest thing. Like I know where you are in the room without looking. When I told you back in the Potomac compound that I felt like I knew you, I wasn’t full of shit then. I do feel like that, and I...I can’t explain that.”

But.

There was a but lingering between us.

Zayne liked me. He cared for me. He wanted me. But he’d been burned. Badly. There was a fortress around him that didn’t just have to do with Layla, but also with his father and his own reckoning with his clan’s responsibilities. He didn’t know what he really needed.