“Thanks.” A pause. “I think.”
“You’re...a good guy,” I said. “So, just surprised that you’re single.”
Zayne seemed to ponder that. “You know Wardens are expected to mate. I’m almost twenty-two. Most males of my age are already mated with one child on the way.”
“Yes. So, why haven’t you mated and got to baby making?”
He shifted beside me. “If you ask my clansmen, they’ll say I have little respect for tradition, but no one is going to force me into a lifelong commitment, even if that life isn’t going to be that long.”
My heart dropped. “Are you planning to die soon?”
“I wake up every day knowing it could be the last. I don’t plan for it. I just accept it,” he answered. “It was what I was trained from birth to do.”
I mulled that over, realizing that what he spoke was the truth. Not a lot of Wardens made it to retirement age. It was one of the reasons they mated and had children so quickly. “Have you ever wanted to do anything else?”
He sighed. “You do ask a lot of questions.”
“I do.” My hands relaxed on my stomach. “I understand you have this huge, important duty, but was there ever a time when you didn’t want to be out there? That you wanted to do something else? Is being a warrior what you want?”
“Whoa. Okay. That was a lot of questions. Do I want to be out there? Is this what I want?” He repeated my questions and then let out a little laugh. “You know, no one has ever asked me that. Not even—” He cut himself off, and I wondered how he would’ve finished that sentence. “It’s all I know, Trinity.”
I bit down on my lip. “That doesn’t answer my questions.”
“I know,” he replied.
The pressure on my chest increased. “What...what would you do if you weren’t a Warden?”
“I can’t answer that.”
“Try.” I nudged his leg with my knee.
“I really can’t.” His arm moved out of my reach. “I’ve never thought about it. I’ve never even considered it.”
What kind of life was that without any options, even impossible dreams? I’d had them before I knew what I was. I still had dreams of doing more than what I was born to do, even if my options were seriously limited.
Silence fell between us, and after a moment, I asked, “Tell me... Tell me what it’s like growing up here, in the city.” I paused. “Please?”
There was that rough chuckle again and then he told me what it was like growing up as the only child in a large house with nothing but trained warriors to keep him company until Layla came along. He didn’t talk about her much, though. Instead, he spoke about how he spent afternoons shadowing his father, learning all the streets and the different buildings. I don’t know how long we talked, but after a while, I started to feel myself slip under.
I fell asleep with a smile.
27
I sat on the bed, cross-legged, and stared at the photo of Mom and me. I’d just gotten off the phone with Jada and Ty. Peanut was in the living room, jamming out to music only he could hear while Zayne spoke to someone on the phone. It was in the afternoon, around three, and we still had several hours before we would start patrolling.
Over the last several days, we hadn’t seen anything but Fiends. No Hellions. No Ravers. No strange creature killing both Wardens and demons. The nights had been rather long and boring, but when we got back to his place, usually close to three in the morning? Anything but boring. Ever since the night my nightmare had wakened him, he had been coming into the bedroom and staying up with me until I fell asleep. He was always gone in the morning, and although we talked about everything in the sometimes minutes, sometimes hours it took me to fall asleep, when we were awake and the sun was out, he didn’t mention visiting with me and I didn’t bring it up.
I didn’t know what it was, Zayne just being kind and keeping me distracted or something else, but I’d quickly found myself looking forward to it and the end of each patrol.
I missed Misha with every fiber of my being and there were only a few minutes of every day that I didn’t think about him, but once I found him, things would change between Zayne and me. I wouldn’t leave the city, not until I held up my end of the bargain, but I doubted I’d be staying with Zayne. Would Misha and I move into the compound? I was sure I’d see Zayne again, but things...things would be different.
I shoved those thoughts aside.
Tomorrow we would meet with Roth and the witches, and hopefully we’d find out something that would lead us to Misha.
Placing the phone on the bed, I glanced at the open door. Zayne had been gone when I woke up this morning, and him coming to me in the middle of the night felt like a dream.
I hoped it wasn’t.
Rising from the bed, I walked to the window and opened the blinds just enough to see outside. The day was bright and the weather looked warm. Exhaling heavily, I rested my forehead against the wall. I closed my eyes as I folded my arms across my waist.
I missed Mom.
I missed Misha.
I missed Jada and Ty.
I missed Thierry and Matthew.
Mom was gone and I knew that everyone else was safe except for Misha, and I... God, I couldn’t help but think about what Jada had said before. What kind of condition was Misha going to be in? Physically, I suspected a mess. The same emotionally and mentality, but I could help him get better.
With Jada and everyone, we could... We could make him better if he needed it. Misha was so strong, so I knew he was doing the best that he could. I knew he wasn’t breaking. He was surviving—
“Trinity?”
Opening my eyes, I turned to the sound of Zayne’s voice. He was in the doorway of the bedroom. “Hey,” I said, waving awkwardly.
He stepped into the room. “You okay?”
I nodded. “Of course.”
“Are you busy?” he asked. “Leaning against the wall?”
“Extremely busy. I try to do this at least once a day.”
“Sorry to interrupt.” He started to turn.
“What’s up?” I pushed away from the wall and hurried toward him. Misjudging how far the bed jutted out, my calf smacked off the leg. “Ouch!”
“Damn, I heard that.” He stepped toward me, his light blue eyes wide. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” I muttered. “So, what’s up?”
A look of doubt crossed his face. “Nicolai needs me to check in. Thought you might want to join me.”
“Really?” My eyes widened.
“Sure,” he said, and I was close enough to see the faint smile. “You’d asked if you’d get to meet Jasmine or Danika. Now’s the perfect time. I can’t guarantee both will be there, but I’m sure one of them will.”
“I didn’t...” I trailed off, realizing just then I hadn’t believed him when he said I could meet them. I wasn’t even sure why I had thought he wasn’t being serious. “Okay. Am I dressed fine?” I glanced down at myself. Black leggings and tunic tank top may be too casual. “I can change.”
“You look fine.” Zayne chuckled. “We’re only going to the compound, not the opera.”
Picking up my phone, I narrowed my eyes on his back as he walked out the room. “I just want to make a good impression. I mean, I don’t want them to look at me and think, Who’s this messy-looking chick?”
Zayne chuckled as he went over to the island and grabbed his keys.
“It’s not funny.” I turned, finding Peanut draped over the punching bag. I shook my head. “What if they don’t like me?”
Zayne looked over his shoulder at me, brows knitted. “I don’t see how they wouldn’t like you, but why would it matter if they didn’t? They’re not your clan, Trinity. They’re barely even mine at this point.”
The drive to the Warden compound was mostly quiet as I mulled over what Zayne had said. I wasn’t all that bothered over him saying that these people weren’t my clan. It was true, and who knew when I would see them again? What bothered me was what he’d said about himself. He didn’t feel a part of his clan—his family? I didn’t know what to say about that as I stared out the window. In a way, I knew how he felt, because I did know what it felt like to live with but not be part of a clan, but I also wasn’t a Warden. For him to feel that way was a big deal.
I toyed with the hem of my shirt as we neared a bridge. In the distance, I saw something tall and white against the blue skies. I squinted. “Is that the...Washington Monument?”
“What? Yeah. That’s it.”
“Wow,” I whispered, wishing I could see it more clearly.
“That’s the first time you’ve noticed it?” he asked. “You should’ve been able to see it every night while we’ve been patrolling.”
“I guess I wasn’t paying attention,” I lied, shoulders heavy. “One of these days when we have Misha back, I would love to see it up close and maybe visit the museums.”
Zayne kept a hand on the steering wheel as he glanced over at me. “I would tell you I think that would be fun, but I have a feeling Misha wouldn’t want me around while you explore DC.”