“No.” Those lips brushed over a swell as his hair tickled the side of my ribs. “It isn’t, but it can be.”
I dragged my hands down his arms, nervous anticipation replacing the sated languidness. “And what if...what if I wanted it all?”
Zayne lifted his head, his features almost stark. He didn’t speak.
“Do you want that?” I whispered.
“God. Yes.” His voice was rough. “I do.”
My heart jumped as I took a shallow breath. “I’m ready.”
“So am I,” he said, and I knew what that meant for him. I knew what it meant for me. I felt it all when he kissed me again. “One second.”
I didn’t quite know what to do with myself as he rolled off and stood, his jeans hanging indecently low as he went to a dresser. I sort of just lay there, curling my legs up as he opened a drawer.
“A condom?” I flushed. Which was stupid. If I couldn’t say condom, then I probably shouldn’t be doing what one needed a condom for.
“Yeah.” He turned, holding a small foil between his fingers. “I know that neither of us can pass diseases even if we’d been with anyone, but...”
“Pregnancy,” I whispered, arching a brow. That I hadn’t thought of it was alarming, mainly because I wasn’t sure that could even happen. “Is that possible?”
“I don’t know. You’re not completely human,” he said, coming back to the bed. He tossed it on the comforter, and for some reason I wanted to giggle. “So, probably wise to be safe.”
“Yes.” I nodded, because, hello, not only would a baby be a terrible idea at the moment, there was a good chance I’d be the absolute worse parent known to the history of the world.
Even I could recognize that.
Zayne grinned and reached for his pants. I thought maybe I should look away, but I couldn’t. Not even if a chupacabra tap-danced across the room.
When his pants hit the floor, I had a feeling I would’ve also hit the floor if I’d been standing. The first time we’d kissed—that we’d done anything—the room had been dark, and neither of us had been standing. I hadn’t seen him.
I saw him now, and my mouth sort of dried. I felt a little dizzy and hot—really hot.
“If you keep staring at me like that,” he said, pressing a knee onto the bed and then a hand by my shoulder. “Then this is going to be very disappointing for you.”
“I don’t see how.” I dragged my gaze to his face. “At all.”
He laughed as he settled beside me, placing his hand on my stomach. “Because it would end fairly quickly.”
“Have faith,” I teased. “You got this.”
And he did.
Starting over like it was the first time he’d touched me, he got reacquainted with all the dips and swells of my body with his hands and his lips. It wasn’t until my breaths were coming in short, shallow pants that he reached for that foil and then, after a moment, shifted so that he was over me, his weight braced on one arm as his lower body lined up with mine.
I knew this was it. There was no more pumping the brakes or pulling away, even though I knew if I did, he’d stop. But that wasn’t what I wanted.
Zayne stared down at me, eyes so pale and yet so bright. His lips parted, and I thought... I thought he might say something, but then he kissed me as he reached between us.
There was a pinch, a feeling of pressure and fullness. The feeling stole my breath and Zayne’s. He stilled above me, arms and body trembling.
Waiting.
Waiting until I told him it was okay, and when I did, he moved again, and within a heartbeat, there was no space between our bodies. There was a sharp, burning bite that snapped my eyes open wide.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, kissing my left cheek, then my right. Another dropped on the tip of my nose and then glanced over my damp brow. “I’m sorry.”
Hands shaking, I smoothed them down his back, feeling his muscles bunched and tensed. “It’s okay. It...it happens.”
“I wish it didn’t.” He pressed his forehead against mine. “I don’t want you to feel pain.”
Pain was a part of life. Sometimes it left scars, physical and mental. Sometimes it led to something worse, and sometimes, like this, I thought it might be a necessary step toward something amazing.
“It’s not bad,” I told him, and it really wasn’t. It was mostly just uncomfortable as his heart pounded against mine.
And slowly, it did become better. For a few minutes, I didn’t think that would be possible, but it did, and when I tentatively moved, the sharp breath that left him sounded like a different kind of pain.
“Trinity,” he gasped as I tilted my hips up once more, and between the sound of my name and the interesting friction, it was becoming more than just better. “I’m trying to give you time.”
“I’ve had enough time.”
“Okay.” His eyes opened. “I’m trying to give myself time so this isn’t over before it even gets started.”
A grin tugged at my lips and then a wild laugh bubbled out of me. I moved, lifting my arms and wrapping them around his shoulders. I kissed his cheek.
“Have I told you that you drive me crazy?” he asked.
“Maybe.” Then, because there was a strange giddiness in me, I nipped his earlobe.
Zayne’s restraint snapped, and I guess he’d given himself enough time. He was moving. I was moving. Hands. Arms. Mouths. Hips. Legs. Wrapped together, there seemed to be no end or beginning, and everything swirled around the way we were joined together and that inexplicable deep coiling sensation.
When he lost all sense of rhythm, his back bowing, it happened. That moment. The rush of raw pleasure roaring through the bond, coming from him, coming from me, washing over us in endless waves and waves. We weren’t two. We were one.
As if it was always meant to be.
33
Sex changed nothing and everything.
It wasn’t like I was suddenly different, even though I did feel like I’d changed. That a small, hidden part that was just for me would never be the same again. It was a good feeling. It was also a strange feeling, and I didn’t know what to make of it.
It was even more strange, I thought, as I lay in bed and Zayne went to the kitchen, that when I’d gotten up this morning, I’d had no idea that this was going to happen.
Part of me still couldn’t believe it had happened. That we’d done it, and neither of us had been smitten or set on fire. My father hadn’t arrived—thank God—while Zayne and I had lain together afterward, arms and legs tangled, exploring each other in a different, less hurried but even more intense kind of way.
The grin on my face grew as I snuggled down under the comforter. There was a delicious heaviness to my limbs, and the moment I closed my eyes, I felt him, as if he was still with me. Cheeks burning, I rolled over and planted my face in the pillow and stayed that way, my giggle smothered.
After a few minutes, I heard Zayne ask, “What are you doing?”
“Meditating,” I said, repeating what Peanut had claimed earlier.
He laughed. “Interesting technique.”
Lifting my head, I rolled onto my side. Zayne had pulled on a pair of sweats, and that was it, so all I got at first was an eyeful of chest.
And that was nice.
More than nice.
Then I saw what he held in his hands.
I sat up so fast, I almost hurt myself. “You have cookies,” I said. “Cookies and soda.”
“Yeah. I was hungry. Figured you would be, too.”
“I’m always hungry.” I lifted a hand, wiggling my fingers. “But you’re eating cookies and drinking soda?”
“Thought tonight was the perfect night for gluttony.” His eyes had a hooded quality to them as he stared at me. “I’m sorry, what are we talking about? I’m so distracted now.”
Glancing down, I realized the comforter had pooled around my waist. “Oh.” I folded my arm over my chest. “Sorry.” I wiggled my fingers again. “Cookie?”
“I’m not.” Instead of handing over one of those amazing double-chocolate-chunk cookies I’d ordered, he placed them on the nightstand next to the two cans of soda. “Scoot up.”
Doing as he asked, I tugged the blanket up as I wiggled forward. The bed dipped behind me as Zayne settled in, propped against the headboard. I started to turn, but he snagged an arm around my waist and tugged me back between his legs. My bare back pressed to his chest, and as he reached for the cookies, I was struck by how infinitely more intimate this was than anything else we’d shared.
“Here.” He offered the cookie. “Let me know when you want your drink, and I’ll get it for you.”
“Thanks,” I whispered, taking one bite and then another. I heard the bag crinkle as Zayne fished out a cookie for himself. After a few minutes, I relaxed into him.
“Something I thought about when I was getting this stuff,” Zayne said, and I liked being this close when he talked. I could feel his words. “I hope to God Peanut wasn’t hanging around.”
I laughed, almost choking on my cookie. “If he was, I wasn’t aware.”
“That’s not the confirmation I was looking for.”
Grinning as I felt his lips coast over my shoulder, I said, “I don’t think he was. I can’t imagine him not saying anything by now.”