Rage and Ruin(37)

It was nice, and it was calming.

Accompanied by the distant hum of conversation and the trill of cicadas, I sank into my thoughts. Not about Zayne. I didn’t have the brain capacity to deal with anything Roth had just shared about him. Not when I’d just straight up killed someone.

Someone who was only mostly human and who had wanted—actually, needed—me dead. Who wouldn’t have mourned me. Who would’ve used my death for nefarious ends.

Still...someone I had killed.

I didn’t want to go back to the apartment. I didn’t want to be...trapped there with these thoughts. I needed to file them away before I faced Zayne.

I walked and walked, passing stunning waterways, ancient rock scrambles and even a rustic log cabin that looked one windstorm away from crumbling. I crossed a boulder bridge, awestruck by the fact that the thing was still standing, and as I walked, I replayed what I’d done.

Part of me couldn’t believe that I hadn’t found a different way. Another part of me knew I should’ve kept my cool and not given in to the anger that had led me to showing the witch what I was. The moment I’d done that, there was no going back. And I acknowledged that that wasn’t the first time I’d killed something other than a demon.

There’d been Ryker, then Clay.

And there’d been Misha.

All of them had been acts of self-defense, but although Faye had attacked me, I’d been able to restrain her. She’d been no real threat to my safety. Plus, I’d goaded her and then some, and...if I was being honest with myself, serving retribution had felt good.

Coming to a bench, I sat down heavily and lifted my gaze to the trees. This place reminded me of the Community, where I’d grown up. The air smelled fresher here. I sat back, realizing I didn’t feel any demons nearby.

Guess they didn’t like parks.

I stared at a sign across from me, having no idea what landmark it announced, and all I could think was that, when Faye had screamed, I hadn’t flinched, and when I’d ended her life, I hadn’t felt anything other than righteous retribution.

That was why I needed to walk. Those were the feelings I needed to sort out. Roth’s parting words had been powerful but pointless, because I didn’t feel an ounce of guilt. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to or not, and if I was, I didn’t know what that said about me.

Or what I was capable of.





17


I had no idea how much time had passed when my phone started ringing. But I had a sinking suspicion about who it was as I pulled out my phone.

Zayne.

I really should’ve found my way back to the apartment before he returned, but I would’ve had to hail a cab or figure out how to use the Uber app, which I would barely have been able to see. Two things I’d never done before.

Probably should’ve thought of that before I let Roth drop me off.

I answered, wincing when I squeaked out a criminal-sounding “Hello?”

“Where are you?” Zayne asked, concern so apparent I could picture him pacing. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” I felt bad for making him worry. “Completely okay. I’m at Rock Creek Park.”

“You’re where?” Surprise flooded his voice.

“It’s a park near the zoo—”

“I know where it is. How did you get there?”

“Oh, I just sort of walked...and ended up here.”

“That’s one Hell of a distance to walk, Trin.”

Watching a couple jog by in matching spandex, I wondered how far I was from his apartment. “Yeah, I know. That’s why I’m sort of just sitting here on a bench.” I crossed my ankles. “So, did you take care of everything you needed to?”

“Yeah.” Zayne fell silent, and for a second I thought the call had disconnected. “Do you want me to come get you?”

A tiny part of me was on the verge of saying no, but I was going to have to deal with Zayne’s questions face-to-face sooner or later. “Can you? Because that would be great.”

“I’ll be there in about thirty minutes.”

“Perfect,” I said with so much chirpiness, the one word could’ve turned into a cheer. “Do you want me to meet you at the entrance?”

“I’ll find you in the park.” There was a beat of silence. “Trin, I...”

A child toddled past me, chasing the leash of a dog that was three times its size. “Yes?”

He didn’t answer immediately. “Nothing. I’ll be there in thirty.”

Zayne disconnected, and I was left staring at my phone, wondering what he’d wanted to say. There was no way he could know what I’d done today. Distance definitely seemed to mute the bond, so even if he’d felt my anger, it couldn’t have been enough to worry him, because he hadn’t checked in on me.

I opened my missed calls. All of them were Jada’s except one from Matthew. He’d called this morning, before I’d woken up on the couch with Zayne...

I saw the way he looked at you yesterday.

“Stop it,” I whispered. My thumb hovered over Jada’s name. I missed her. I needed to talk to her. I owed her a return call and then some. I started to tap her name, but my stomach dropped so far I thought I might dry heave. I was being ridiculous. I needed to talk to her, but I wasn’t ready.

Tapping the text app, I typed a quick message and hit Send before I could chicken out. I wasn’t even sure what I’d said, other than I was sorry that I’d been out of contact and I’d call her soon. I turned the phone to silent like the coward I was before slipping it back into my pocket.

I looked up and noticed an elderly couple ambling along, leaning on one another for support. The sun had broken through the clouds, and bright rays of light filtered through tree branches, seeming to follow the couple. They made their way to a bench across from mine, their gray hair nearly white in the sunlight. The old man sat first, hand still clutching a cane as he gazed to his left while the woman remained standing. I thought she might be speaking to him, but he was still staring away. Maybe he was hard of hearing? Or maybe—

The woman’s form flickered and then stabilized. I squinted, realizing the glow around her wasn’t due to the sunlight.

She was a spirit.

Possibly the man’s deceased wife, and she was right next to him—she had helped him to the bench—and he had no idea she was there. A suspicious wetness gathered in my eyes. I’d never seen anything so sad and so beautiful. I started to rise just as the spirit turned toward me. Although I couldn’t make out her face, I knew she was aware of me. Spirits always were. I could help her—help them both—if that was what she wanted. She must have a mes—

A chill tiptoed over the nape of my neck and settled between my shoulders. Twisting, I scanned the area behind me, but there was nothing but grass and trees. No one stood there like a creeper, but the feeling remained and it reminded me of what I’d felt in the zombie building.

I looked back at the couple. The spirit was gone, and the old man was still staring into the distance, seeming unaware of just about everything. I shifted on the bench, unable to shake the strange shivery sensation. Muscles along my spine stiffened.

I didn’t just feel watched. I felt watched like a field mouse being eyed by a hawk. Becoming hyperaware, I inched one hand closer to one of my daggers. Something was near me.

My fingers drifted over the handle...and then the iciness vanished and the feeling of being watched with it.

What in the Hell?

I looked around again. Nothing had changed. In front of me, the old man stood and began shuffling down the path, relying on his cane instead of his wife.

By the time I felt the warm ball in my chest pulse brightly, I had no explanation of what I had felt. Zayne must’ve driven like a bat out of Hell, because I didn’t think thirty minutes had passed. I sat straighter, looking toward the bridge. I squinted, but things were just a fuzzy blur. Zayne had to be close. I could feel his presence—

My head jerked the other way, and under one of the dazzling streams of light, Zayne strode forward, his golden hair taking on a halo effect in the sunlight.

In human form, he looked more like an angel than I did. Nearly a carbon copy of the battle angels in the paintings on the ceiling of the Great Hall back in the Community. It had been a long time since I’d been able to see them in any detail, but my memories were clear. Mom and I used to sit under them, and she’d make up silly stories, giving them names like Steve and Bill.

While I couldn’t see his eyes since they were shielded behind silver sunglasses, I could feel his gaze on me.

I know the way he looked at Layla.

A vastly different kind of shiver curled down my spine. Stop it. My heart rate kicked up as his steps slowed. Two women jogging past nearly tripped over their own feet when they got an eyeful of Zayne. A smile tugged at my lips. I couldn’t blame them for that.

“Hey.” Zayne spoke first, stopping in front of me. I took a deep breath, catching his wintermint scent.

I waved at him. “Hi.”

His lips twitched. “You must be exhausted.”

It took me a moment to realize what he meant. “I’m not that tired. It was a good walk.”

“Bet you burned a whole lot of calories.” His hands were shoved into the pockets of his jeans. “With all that walking.”