She blinked quickly, not wanting her emotions to show, but the instant Frankie made eye contact with her, Joy's vision went blurry again.
Frankie came running up, all smiles as she reached out to take some of the luggage burden. "Hey! I'm so glad-what's wrong?"
Joy put down her things and threw her arms around her sister. Frankie's hug back was so like her. Strong, secure, warm. She smelled like Ivory soap and fresh air.
"Joy, are you okay?"
Oh, God, Frankie. I made love with a man for the first time while I was away. With Gray. I'm scared that I really do love him and I'm going to get my heart crushed.
And I'm learning things about myself that seem to take me away from you and Alex and Grand-Em. From everything I've always known.
I fear I don't know who I am anymore. Or where I fit in. Or where I'm going.
"Joy?"
"I'm fine. Just glad to see you." Joy pulled back and wiped her eyes. "Sorry."
"For what?" Frankie bent down and picked up the suitcase. "There's nothing wrong with leaking, you know."
Joy grabbed the portfolio off the cement platform and followed her sister through the terminal. She took refuge in asking familiar questions. "How's Grand-Em?"
"She's doing so much better. I can't believe it. She's able to be still and occupied now for longer stretches of time. She can sit at the kitchen table and leaf through her diaries even while Nate's making noise at the stove. As a matter of fact, he's taken to watching her while he cooks and she seems to enjoy the smells in the kitchen."
"That's wonderful," Joy said as they stepped outside. "Are there any side effects yet?"
"She gets drowsy about an hour after she takes the pill. But other than that, she seems to be adjusting fine."
Joy felt some of her unease lift. If she was going to make those other dresses, she'd need to go back and forth to the city with some regularity. Her absences seemed more excusable if the burden on her family wasn't as great.
"And Alex?"
Her sister grew quiet as they wound their way through the parking lot.
"Frankie? What about Alex?"
"He needs another operation on his leg."
"Oh … God. When is he scheduled to go in?"
"This week."
"I'm glad I came back."
Frankie stopped in front of her old Honda Accord. "So am I. He's-uh, he's not doing too well. I've tried to talk with him so many times that he doesn't hear me anymore. Maybe you can give it a shot. He's barely eating anything and I know he doesn't sleep because his light stays on all night. I want to get him to a grief counselor, but he just won't have it."
"I'm not surprised."
"He did tell me he was happy you were coming home. I think he misses you. The two of you have always had that special connection."
They got in and Frankie started the car. "Hey, did I tell you what happened to Stu?"
During the two-hour drive up into the Adirondacks, all sorts of Saranac Lake news was imparted, and as her sister talked, Joy found herself absorbing the landscape. Interstate 87, also known as the Northway, was a four-lane highway running up New York State's vertical flank and it was familiar to her in the way only roads driven over when you were a child could be. She knew all the exits, all the grassy, tree-strewn medians, every mountain and body of water.
The deeper upstate they went, the more the restlessness she'd felt on the train drifted away, especially as they passed Glens Falls, the last enclave that could be considered a big-ish town. From then on, the exits got farther and farther apart. And she got closer and closer to home.
By the time they pulled up to White Caps, she was excited to be back. Looking forward to seeing Grand-Em. Eager to give Alex a hug, if he'd let her.
As she got out of the car, she took a deep breath. Cold, clean air shot into her sinuses, burning the lethargy of travel away. And it was so quiet that her soft sigh was loud enough to bring Frankie's head around.
Joy looked to the left, down to the lake. The water was nearly still, the lakeshore breeze only teasing the red and orange leaves of the oaks by the dock.
"You seem glad to be back," Frankie murmured.
"I am. Although part of me didn't want to leave the city."
"I can imagine. New York's an electric kind of place."
"Yes, it is." Joy glanced at White Caps.
Through the kitchen's picture window, she saw Nate and his best friend and sous chef, Spike, grinning like madmen while arguing over a steaming loaf of bread. All around them, everything in the room was as it always had been. The battered oak table was in the alcove, its matching chairs tucked under its flat back. There was a pile of mail on a counter next to some
Macintosh apples in a wooden bowl. African violets were lined up on the windowsills.
"It's like I never left," Joy whispered, wondering whether she would get sucked back into her old role and how much she would mind it.
"Let's get inside," Frankie said, lifting the suitcase out of the back seat. "It's cold and you've only got that thin blazer on."
The minute they walked into the house, the men cheered.
"Hey! It's our world traveler," Spike called out while walking around the island. The man was well over six feet tall with tattoos on his neck and a muscular build that made you want to stick on his good side. His jet-black hair was spiked off his scalp. Thus his name. And his clothes were all dark and loose.
His appearance was scary as hell. But as he looked at her, his smile was pure gold and his odd, yellow eyes held deep affection. Well, affection and the kind of territoriality she imagined pit bulls and mastiffs had in spades. She had every confidence that if anyone ever messed with her, Spike would take care of the problem. And then some.
He held out his arms. "Show us some love, baby girl."
She laughed and gave him a hug. He always smelled good. Like clean laundry.
"Who's your new friend?" she asked, nodding to the unfamiliar stove.
Nate winked at her in greeting. "Old one died three days ago. We were lucky to take this gal off the showroom floor, but I'm not sure she's right for us."
Spike shook his head. "That damn thing ruined my bread."
"Yeah, the oven temperature's uneven."
"So tell us about the big city," Spike said while pushing her down into a chair. A minute later he'd poured her some juice from the fridge and put a plate of homemade wheat crackers in front of her. "I made these this afternoon. I think you'll like 'em."
As she shared some of her adventures, Nate cooked up some beef stew while the four of them laughed and chatted. They were just sitting down to dinner when the phone rang.
"I'll get it," Frankie said, jogging out to the office. She came back, a curious expression on her face. "Joy, it's for you. Gray Bennett."
Joy covered up her blush by wiping her mouth with a napkin and hustling out of the kitchen. She straightened her shirt before picking up the phone.
"Hello?"
"Why didn't you call me?" Gray demanded. Then he blew out a breath. "Sorry, that's not the best way to start a conversation, is it?"
She laughed. "I was going to give you a ring after we finished dinner."
"Was the trip okay?"
"Long. Gave me time to think."
There was a pause. "That can be dangerous."
"It wasn't."
"So what were you thinking of?"
Now it was her turn to be quiet. "Nothing important."
Wimp, she thought.
"Actually, that's not true," she amended. "I was thinking about how much I liked being down in the city. Spending some time away from home was a good thing, although I'm happy to be back. Well, happy and a little disoriented."
That's enough, she thought. She was wading into the babbling pool and it was better not to go into all the other things she'd thought over. The things involving him.
"Joy?"
"Yes?"
"I miss you." Before she could say anything, he went on. "I'll let you get back to your family, but I'll call you tomorrow."
She hugged herself, feeling a kind of happiness that cut so deep she knew it was dangerous. She'd been worried he'd forget her when she left, but it sure didn't sound as though he had. Of course, it had only been a matter of hours.
"I miss you, too, Gray."
"Oh, and one more thing."
"Yes?"
"See you in my dreams tonight," he said with a husky drawl.
And then he hung up.
When she sat back down at the table, she couldn't hide her grin, and conversation ground to a halt.
"What was that all about?" Frankie asked.
"Nothing."
"Yeah, right," Nate said, frowning. "Is Bennett making a play for you? 'Cause if he is, he better clean up his act."
"I thought you liked him," Joy murmured, smile fading.
"I do. I just know him too well. That man's a menace with women."
Joy played with her stew and thought about Gray's frustrating self-control. "He's been a real gentleman with me."
And who'd have thought that'd be a pity?
Nate stared across the table at her, his eyes flashing all sorts of male protective stuff. "Well, if he behaves himself, I'll let him keep his teeth."
Spike crossed his thick arms and nodded. "Wise man'll take you up on that offer. Dentures are rough and caps are expensive."
Joy shook her head and laughed, but she didn't get into bed with a smile on her face. Staring up at the ceiling, she wondered where Gray was and what he was doing. Somehow she couldn't picture him out with another woman, but how much of that was just wishful thinking?