Touch of Death(19)

Mom sighed. "I guess you didn't talk to Melodie today?"

I shook my head, feeling my throat close up. "I didn't know what to say to her, and I guess she didn't want to talk to me either."

"Matt's parents called me today. I was able to sneak off to the bathroom long enough to get the details." She squeezed her knees. "They've already made all the arrangements. They don't want to hold things up. They said it's too painful, and they need closure."

I stared at her, waiting for what I needed to hear.

"The funeral is tomorrow night. There's not going to be a service before it."

"No service? They're just going to shove him in the ground and be done with it?" It was outrageous. "What kind of parents are they? What does Amber have to say about it? She and Matt were really close."

"Jodi." Mom put her hand on mine. "People grieve in different ways. I don't know how I'd-" She choked on the words and had to blink back tears. "We have to respect what the family wants. Maybe it's too painful for them to see Matt this way. Maybe they want closure so that they can remember him the way he was when he was alive."

I stood up. "I'm going to bed."

"What about dinner?" Mom called after me.                       
       
           



       

I stormed upstairs, slammed my door shut, and flopped face first onto my bed. I squeezed the pillow in my fists and screamed until my lungs ached. Mom didn't check on me. My phone didn't ring once. And Alex didn't show up lurking in my closet or anything. I was alone. Me and my poisonous Gorgon blood. Toxic to those I loved. Had I loved Matt? Probably not. I'd never really been in love, but I definitely had strong feelings for Matt. When he kissed me, it was electrifying. I'd never felt so completely alive. It was why I'd kissed him back-why I hadn't pulled away sooner. That kiss could've stopped time; instead, it stopped Matt's heart.

By the time I picked my head up, my pillow was drenched in tears and my room was dark. The sun had set. I went to the window and searched for Alex. Was he still watching me? I guessed he was, but he wasn't letting me see him. It didn't seem fair. He was the only one I could talk to right now. Yet, I knew if I broke down and called him, he'd try to get me to leave again. I wasn't ready to do that. I had to say goodbye to Matt first. Then, I had to find a way to tell Mom what I am, tell her that the daughter she gave birth to was really a monster.

I stayed in bed all night, staring at the ceiling and wondering how to do that. By the time the sun came up, I still didn't have an answer. I heard Mom get up and shower for work. The smell of coffee drifted up to my room. My alarm buzzed in my ear, but I hit it until it gave up. Finally, Mom came in my room.

"I didn't know if you were up."

"I never fell asleep," I said, continuing to stare at the ceiling.

Mom let out a long breath. "Do you want to stay home from school today? I think your teachers would understand."

I didn't feel like moving. I wanted to lie there completely still, like Matt was right now. I wondered if his body was already in the casket.

Mom looked at her watch. "Listen, I have to go or I'll be late. Text me and let me know if you decide to stay home. I can call the school for you from work." She bent down and kissed my forehead. "I think it's a good thing the service is tonight. You'll feel better when it's over. I promise."

Somehow I doubted that.





Chapter 13

I didn't get up all day. Didn't eat. Didn't sleep. I stared. A lot. But the day managed to pass anyway. My cell vibrated more than once, and I knew it was Mom checking on me. I never called her to say I was staying home. I couldn't face everyone at school, though. All the questions about Matt's death, about our break-up. I'd break down and cry and who knew how many more deaths that would lead to. Maybe Alex was right. Maybe it was too dangerous for me to be around people right now. Or ever again.

Mom stormed into my room the second she got home from work. Saying she looked mad was an understatement, and I could imagine what all her voice mails sounded like. "You don't get to do that to me! I get that you're upset. I get that you're hurting. But you are my daughter. Do you have any idea what it was like for me at work today? I was a wreck. I screwed up a major computer file. I almost lost my job. The only thing that saved me-that saved us-was me telling my heartless boss what happened Saturday."

I sat up and pulled my knees to my chest. "You told him about Matt to avoid getting fired?" I didn't want Mom to lose her job, but blaming her screw-up on Matt's death seemed a little too convenient.

Mom looked horrified. "Tell me, what we would do if I lost my job? You know how hard I worked to get that position. I never went to college, Jodi. I don't have the degree to be doing half of what I do." She threw her hands in the air. "So yeah, I did use Matt's death to save my job today. And you know what? It was the reason I screwed up. Matt's death made you shut down. You wouldn't answer a single one of my calls. Then, your school calls and tells me you never showed up. I had no idea if you were okay. That's why I screwed up, Jodi." She sat down on the edge of my bed and cried. Big sobs that made her shoulders shake uncontrollably. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and hug her. Tell her how sorry I was that I'd made her worry. Tell her …  the truth.

But I couldn't. I'd cry. I'd cry, and she'd be dead. And Alex was keeping his promise by staying away, so he wouldn't even be here to bring her back. I hated my life. All of it. There was no way I could go to the funeral. Not unless they had a few extra caskets lying around to bury all the other people I'd end up sending to their graves.

I jumped up from the bed and ran to the door. Mom looked up at me, totally confused.

"Mom," I sniffled. "I can't do this." She stood up and reached her arms out for me, but I took a step back and held my hand up to stop her. "Please. Don't touch me, okay?" She stood still, staring at me like she didn't even know who I was. "I can't go to the funeral. I can't face those people. I need to get away. Be by myself."

"Honey, you were by yourself all day. This isn't good for you. You can't isolate yourself. You'll never heal like that."

"I need time, Mom. This is all happening too fast for me. I need time to process everything. Please."

She nodded. "Okay, we don't have to go to the funeral. We can stay home instead. We'll cook a nice dinner. You always love when we cook a big meal together, and we haven't done it in a long time."

How was I supposed to leave her? How did you say goodbye without actually saying goodbye?

I had to make it through dinner. One last family dinner before I broke her heart and left for good.

"Yeah, dinner would be nice. Um, there's just something I need to do first. Somewhere I have to go."

"I'll take you. Your car's still in the shop."

"No, I can walk."

"I don't like that idea. After the incident with that guy following you-" She shook her head. "I wouldn't feel comfortable with you going out by yourself."

I waved her off. "That was a big misunderstanding. He needed to talk to me. We're fine now. Friends almost." She looked skeptical, probably thinking I was only saying what I thought she wanted to hear. "Really, Mom. I promise."

She picked up my cell and handed it to me. "Take this, and answer when I call."

I nodded.

"Home by six-thirty."

I looked at the clock. It was almost five. The funeral would be starting soon. "Got it. I better go before it gets any later."

She kissed the top of my head. "If you aren't home by six-thirty, I will drive around screaming your name out the window." That made us both laugh because we knew it was true.

I half-walked, half-ran to the cemetery. We lived pretty close to it if I cut through some people's yards. I got there just as they were throwing flowers on Matt's grave. I stayed hidden in the trees, not daring to get any closer. No more accidents. Matt's parents and his sister, Amber, were huddled together at the head of the casket. They looked like their worlds had been shattered. I felt the tears sting my eyes and looked around to make sure I was still alone and it was safe for me to cry.

I waited until everyone left. Matt's body was in the ground. I walked over to his grave, picking up a stray red rose on the way. I laid it on top of the grave. "I'm so sorry, Matt." I wished I had something better to say. Something that would actually make a difference. But what did you say to the guy you kissed, killed, and turned into a zombie? Hallmark didn't make a greeting card for that, and I was at a loss. I wondered what would happen if I dripped tears on his grave. I didn't want to find out, so I backed away, right into Alex.                       
       
           



       

"You shouldn't have come." His tone wasn't reprimanding; he was genuinely worried about me.

"I had to say goodbye."

"I know." He gently turned me around to face him. "Did you figure out a way to say goodbye to your mom?"