The Dark Tower-Part 3#-4#-5#(51)
She spread the facecloth on the side of the basin to dry, then plucked a towel (it was the same shade of pink as the wallpaper) from a fluffy stack on a nearby shelf. She got it halfway to her face, then froze. There was a piece of notepaper lying on the next towel in the stack. It was headed with a flower-decked bench being lowered by a pair of happy cartoon angels. Beneath was this printed, bold-face line:
RELAX! /te?e OOM amp;S, rue-
And, in faded fountain pen ink Odd's Odd O\ amp;?
Frowning, Susannah plucked the sheet of notepaper from the stack of towels. Who had left it here? Joe? She doubted it like hell. She turned the paper over. Here the same hand had written: s T'vc left fo* Sonc/liig 1*1 ife JnediciJte but- -fit'/
In the other room, Joe continued to speak and this time Roland burst out laughing instead of just chuckling. It sounded to Susannah as if Joe had resumed his monologue. In a way she could understand that-he'd been doing something he loved, something he hadn't had a chance to do in a good long stretch of years-but part of her didn't like the idea at all. That Joe would resume while she was in the bathroom tending to herself, that Roland would let him resume. Would listen and laugh while she was shedding blood. It seemed like a rotten, boysclubby kind of thing to do. She supposed she had gotten used to better from Eddie.
Why don't you forget the boys for the time being and concentrate on what's right in front of you? What does it mean?
One thing seemed obvious: someone had expected her to come in here and find that note. Not Roland, not Joe. Her.
What a bad girl, it said. Girl.
But who could have known? Who could have been sure? It wasn't as if she made a habit of slapping her face (or her chest, or her knee) when she laughed; she couldn't remember a single other instance when-
But she could. Once. At a Dean Martin^Jerry Lewis movie.
Dopes at Sea, or something like that. She'd been caught up in the same fashion then, laughing simply because the laughter had reached some point of critical mass and become selffeeding.
The whole audience-at the Clark in Times Square, for all she knew-doing the same, rocking and rolling, swinging and swaying, spraying popcorn from mouths that were no longer their own. Mouths that belonged, at least for a few minutes, to Martin and Lewis, those dopes at sea. But it had only happened that once.
Comedy plus tragedy equals make-believe. But there's no tragedy here, is there?
She didn't expect an answer to this, but she got one. It came in the cold voice of intuition.
Not yet, there isn't.
For no reason whatsoever she found herself thinking of Lippy. Grinning, gruesome Lippy. Did the folken laugh in hell?
Susannah was somehow sure they did. They grinned like Lippy the Wonder-Nag when Satan began his
(take my horse … please)
routine, and then they laughed. Helplessly. Hopelessly. For all of eternity, may it please ya not at all.
What in the hell's wrong with you, woman?
In the other room, Roland laughed again. Oy barked, and that also sounded like laughter.
Odd's Lane, Odd Lane … think about it.
What was there to think about? One was the name of the street, the other was the same thing, only without the-
"Whoa-back, wait a minute," she said in a low voice. Little more than a whisper, really, and who did she think would hear her? Joe was talking-pretty much nonstop, it sounded like-and Roland was laughing. So who did she think might be listening?
The cellar-dweller, if there really was one?
"Whoa-on a minute, just wait."
She closed her eyes and once more saw the two street-signs on their pole, signs that were actually a little below die pilgrims, because the newcomers had been standing on a snowbank nine feet high. TOWER ROAD, one of the signs had read-that one pointing to the plowed road that disappeared over the horizon. The other, the one indicating the short lane with the cottages on it, had said ODD's LANE, only …
"Only it didn't," she murmured, clenching the hand that wasn't holding the note into a fist. "It didn't"
She could see it clearly enough in her mind's eye: ODDS LANE, with the apostrophe and the S added, and why would somebody do that? Was the sign-changer maybe a compulsive neatnik who couldn't stand-
What? Couldn't stand what?
Beyond the closed bathroom door, Roland roared louder than ever. Something fell over and broke. He's not used to laughing like that, Susannah thought. You best look out, Roland, or you 'll do yourself damage. Laugh yourself into a hernia, or something.
Think about it, her unknown correspondent had advised, and she was trying. Was there something about the words odd and lane that someone didn't want them to see? If so, that person had no need to worry, because she sure wasn't seeing it.
She wished Eddie was here. Eddie was the one who was good at the funky stuff: jokes and riddles and … an …
Her breath stopped. An expression of wide-eyed comprehension started to dawn her face, and on the face of her twin in the mirror. She had no pencil and was terrible at the sort of mental rearrangements that she now had to-
Balanced on the stool, Susannah leaned over the waisthigh washstand and blew on the mirror, fogging it. She printed
0W? IANE-Looked at it with growing understanding and dismay.
In the other room, Roland laughed harder than ever and now she recognized what she should have seen thirty valuable seconds ago: that laughter wasn't merry. It was jagged and out of control, the laughter of a man struggling for breath. Roland was laughing the way the folken laughed when comedy turned to tragedy. The way folken laughed in hell.
Below 0W? ?AA/? she used the tip of her finger to print t)N?lt)?LO, the anagram Eddie might have seen right away, and surely once he realized the apostrophe-S on the sign had been added to distract them.
In the other room the laughter dropped and changed, becoming a sound that was alarming instead of amusing. Oy was barking crazily, and Roland-
Roland was choking.
<h3>Chapter VI:PATRICK DANVILLE</h3>
ONE
She wasn't wearing her gun. Joe had insisted she take the La-ZBoy recliner when they'd returned to the living room after dinner, and she'd put the revolver on the magazine-littered endtable beside it, after rolling the cylinder and drawing the shells.
The shells were in her pocket.
Susannah tore open the bathroom door and scrambled back into the living room. Roland was lying on the floor between the couch and the television, his face a terrible purple color. He was scratching at his swollen throat and still laughing.
Their host was standing over him, and the first thing she saw was that his hair-that baby-fine, shoulder-length white hair-was now almost entirely black. The lines around his eyes and mouth had been erased. Instead often years younger, Joe Collins now looked twenty or even thirty years younger.
The son of a bitch.
The vampire son of a bitch.
Oy leaped at him and seized Joe's left leg just above the knee. "Twenny-five, sissy-four, nineteen, hiker Joe cried merrily, and kicked out, now as agile as Fred Astaire. Oy flew through the air and hit the wall hard enough to knock a plaque reading GOfJSJseS amp;OaRtiOMe to the floor. Joe turned back to Roland.
"What I think," he said, "is that women need a reason to have sex." Joe put one foot on Roland's chest-like a big-game hunter with his trophy, Susannah thought. "Men, on the other hand, only need a place\ Bing!" He popped his eyes. "The thing about sex is that God gives men a brain and a dick, but only enough blood to operate one at a-"
He never heard her approach or lift herself into the La-ZBoy in order to gain the necessary height; he was concentrating too completely on what he was doing. Susannah laced her hands together into a single fist, raised them to the height of her right shoulder, then brought them down and sideways with all the force she could manage. The fist struck the side of Joe's head hard enough to knock him away. She had connected with solid bone, however, and the pain in her hands was excruciating.
Joe staggered, waving his arms for balance and looking around at her. His upper lip rose, exposing his teeth-perfectly ordinary teeth, and why not? He wasn't the sort of vampire who survived on blood. This was Empathica, after all. And the face around those teeth was changing: darkening, contracting, turning into somediing that was no longer human. It was die face of a psychotic clown.
"You," he said, but before he could say anydiing else, Oy had raced forward again. There was no need for the bumbler to use his teeth this time because their host was still staggering. Oy crouched behind the thing's ankle and Dandelo simply fell over him, his curses ceasing abrupdy when he struck his head. The blow might have put him out if not for the homey rag rug covering the hardwood. As it was he forced himself to a sitting position almost at once, looking around groggily.
Susannah knelt by Roland, who was also trying to sit up but not doing as well. She seized his gun in its holster, but he closed a hand around her wrist before she could pull it out.
Instinct, of course, and to be expected, but Susannah felt close to panic as Dandelo's shadow fell over them.
"You bitch, I'll teach you to interrupt a man when he's on a-"
"Roland, let it go!" she screamed, and he did.
Dandelo dropped, meaning to land on her and crush the gun between them, but she was an instant too quick. She rolled aside and he landed on Roland, instead. Susannah heard the tortured Owuff! as the gunslinger lost whatever breath he had managed to regain. She raised herself on one arm, panting, and pointed the gun at the one on top, the one undergoing some horridly busy change inside his clothes. Dandelo raised his hands, which were empty. Of course they were, it wasn't his hands he used to kill with. As he did so, his features began to pull together, becoming more and more surface things-not features at all but markings on some animal's hide or an insect's carapace.