We pull away after a few moments, not able to do much more than stare into each other's eyes. So much has gone unsaid yet there are really no words to sum up what has just transpired.
Jared breaks into a sultry grin and grips my hips. "I think we can do better than that."
His lips collide with mine, searing me with years of unspoken love and passion. I gasp at the sudden contact and he easily slides his warm tongue against mine, tasting of sweet grapes and champagne. This is different from any other we've shared. This is what our first kiss should have been like. Because if it was, I would've picked Jared. I would've felt just how deeply he adores and desires me in that kiss. I would have moaned my gratitude into his mouth and tried to convey the same. I would have given him, and him alone, my whole heart.
Jared pulls his mouth away with a groan, resting his forehead against mine. "I'm not asking to be a replacement. I know that's something I could never be." His fingers rake through my hair and he presses his lips to mine for just a moment before pulling them away again. "But if you could just … try. Try to let me love the hurt away, Gabs. Try to let me in so I can heal the parts of you that are broken. Because I swear … I will never hurt you. I will never do what he's done. I'll make it my mission to bring you back to life."
I close my eyes and absorb his earnest declaration. Every part of me believes him; there is no one I trust more. And in that moment, I want the same. I want Jared to bring me back to life. If anyone could do just that, it's him.
"Ok," I whisper just centimeters from his lips. "I can try."
With our foreheads still joined and my eyes still closed, I feel him smile. His mouth unites with mine as he slowly eases our bodies down onto the comforter. "Oh God, Gabs, you don't know how happy you've made me," he mumbles against my lips. "I just want to show you how much you mean to me."
I return his smile and wrap my arms around his neck, running my fingers through his hair. "Happy New Year, Jared."
"Happy New Year, Gabs," he murmurs, stroking my cheek. His green eyes shine as he looks down at me with so much adoration, I can literally feel his warmth embrace me. "I love you."
***
The shrill dinging of my cell phone rouses me from the most contented sleep I've had in months. I stretch my arms above my head and slowly peel my eyes open before quickly shielding them from the bright sun streaming through my curtains. Then it hits me.
Last night … Jared … Us. The memories flood my mind in a rush, causing me to sit up abruptly. Then I smile, letting my eyes close to savor each remembrance of the previous hours. It was … absolutely perfect. Everything I imagined about Jared could not live up to how remarkably sweet and tender he was. My eyes scan the empty space next to me and my smile falters. He's gone. Before panic sets in, my cell phone- conveniently resting on the pillow next to mine- perks again signaling another text message. I quickly grab it.
From Jared, 9:34 A.M.
-Good morning, beautiful. I can't tell you how amazing it was to wake up next to you. Sorry I had to cut out but I have to work & I didn't want to wake you. I want nothing more than to lay with you all day and night.
-I want you to know that I have no regrets. And I meant every word of what I said. I love you, Gabs. Call me later?
I hug my phone to my chest and grin, falling back into the mound of pillows and giggling to myself.
"Are you trying to kill me?"
I gasp in surprise, clutching the comforter and drawing it up to my chin before sitting back up.
"What the hell are you doing here, Dorian?" I all but scream.
Dorian slowly makes his way to the side of my bed, his expression stoic as he sits down beside me. He looks as beautiful as I remember him and while my heart aches at the memory, it doesn't kill me. Not anymore. Jared's love has cushioned the blow.
"Have you no feelings for me at all? No concern for how that would feel to me?"
I swallow my trepidation, taking in the sight of his anguished face though he refuses to look at me. "I'll ask you again. What the hell are you doing here?"
Finally his blue eyes sink into mine, so full of pain and anger that I take in a sharp breath at the sight. "How could you?" he grits though a tense jaw. "You are mine, Gabriella. You belong to me. Do you know what you have done?"
"Belong to you?" I spit back with a frown. "Dorian, I'm not yours. Not anymore. And furthermore, I am completely justified in moving on. You obviously have."
Quicker than I can see, Dorian grasps my hand, his touch nearly burning me with vicious tingles. He brings it up, exposing his mark. "This says otherwise, Gabriella. You are mine, whether you like it or not. Mine." His murderous glare penetrates my own annoyance and I pull my hand free, tucking it back under the covers.
"Only in the supernatural sense," I reply, more meekly than I intend. "Isn't this what you wanted? For me to find someone safe? Someone human? To lead a happy life with someone that could love me the way I deserve?"
Dorian takes my words like a blow to the gut and he closes his eyes to compose himself. "But I love you," he shouts fervently. "And I don't want any of this! You know that! I don't want you with him or anyone else."
I shake my head. "That's not your call to make. Not anymore. You made your choice. You chose Aurora. She's the one you're marrying, Dorian. Not me. Concern yourself with her."
He takes a deep breath before facing me again. "What is it going to take? You want me to give it all up? Fight against my father and my people? Commit mutiny. Shit! Fine, I'll do it! Will that make you happy?"
I reel back with a disgusted look, confused by his anger. "I don't want anything from you! I didn't ask for this! I didn't tell you to invade my life. You did this!"
"Little girl, you are my world," he says, clutching my hand firmly. "But you are crushing me. You're killing me. Knowing you want someone other than me physically makes me sick."
I shake my head and pull away from his touch. "Welcome to the club. I've been in my own personal hell for months. I can't deal with your pain and my own, Dorian." I swallow against the knot in my throat and let my eyes close, conjuring strength. "You have to stop this. You have to stop coming in and out of my life. You have to leave me alone for good if I'm ever going to get over you."
He cringes as if my words have sliced right through him. My first instinct is to comfort him but I resist. No. He's no longer mine to console.
"You want me to let you go?" he asks, pain etched on his face.
"I want you to let me be happy. I can't do that if I keep hoping you'll turn up. I know you're not good for me, but that doesn't make me stop feeling what I feel for you."
He nods though I can tell it's a nearly impossible feat for him to accept. "I'll never stop loving you, you know that."
I smile through my pain, knowing that I'm doing the right thing. It has to be. Even as the newly mended pieces of my broken heart quiver and crack, I know this has to be done. We both need to let go so we can live again.
"I know," I whisper hoarsely around the lump in my throat.
I watch through watery eyes as Dorian flashes me his wickedly sexy crooked smile one last time. Then he's gone, leaving me to hold on to that precious memory of him.
I cry one last time for the man that I love and will probably always love. I may learn to live again, and I may even learn to love again but it will never be the way that I love him. It will never be the all-consuming way that penetrates every bone in my body. I'll always love Dorian Skotos, the Dark One who captured my soul and ruined me for anyone else.
Chapter Twenty Five
Routine had become my friend over the passing months. It was the only way I could get through each day without anxiety completely overwhelming me. I wasn't miserable; I wasn't even unhappy. I had become … resigned. This was my life now. Well, for the next few weeks or so it was.
With my ascension quickly approaching, I could no longer sweep it under the rug. I couldn't ignore the changes taking over my body. My eyesight was clearer, sharper. My hearing was magnified. My reflexes were quicker than any ordinary human. And I felt good. Better than good. I felt incredibly empowered in a way I never knew possible. And I loved it.
That's why I needed to see Solara. I had so many questions for her and I needed to know I was making the right decision. I had been visiting the abandoned parking lot for weeks, hoping to see the illusion of the coffee shop. But it never returned. She never came to me, no matter how hard I tried to conjure her memory.
Resolving to head home, I click on my seatbelt just as my cell phone buzzes. Seeing the name on the screen, I smile and open the attached message from Jared. It was hard not to smile these days when he had made it his mission to brighten each one with his presence.
From Jared, 8:07 P.M.
-Thinking of you. But that's nothing new. It seems like I can't stop these days. Can I see you tonight when I get off? xx
-Absolutely. Only if you promise to behave ;)
I chuckle to myself and click over the ignition. Things between Jared and I had been … interesting, to say the least, since New Year's when we shared a searing kiss that would forever alter our friendship. We spent the night holding each other, our tongues tangled, before falling asleep in each other's arms. It was perfect and tender. Jared reopened a part of me that I wanted to keep sealed away. A part that had been previously crushed by Dorian. But somehow, some way, Jared's love had begun to heal that broken part of me.