-Little girl, I need to see you. I need to hold you. Let me make this better. I love you.
-Please at least send me a text to let me know you're ok. I am going out of my mind.
-I did this for you, my love. I couldn't bear the thought of a world without you. Even if you don't want me anymore. All of this is for you.
-Dammit, Gabriella! Answer your phone! Your voicemail is full and I need to talk to you! Don't shut me out!
-I'm fucking losing it! You don't want to see what I am capable of. You have no idea what I would do to get through to you. Call me, dammit!
-Gabriella, please.
-I'll never stop loving you. I'll never stop needing you. YOU. It's YOU that I want. I love you, in life and in death.
Unable to control my trembling hand, I let the phone slide out of my grasp. My throat has been completely consumed by the large knot of emotion lodged in it. I can't do this; I can't shed one more tear for fear that I won't be able to stop. Snatching the nearly empty bottle of tequila off my dresser, I down every drop. Then I race to the kitchen for more, grabbing the first thing I see and screwing off the cap. I don't even taste it. I just pray the toxic elixir burns away that horrid knot so I can breathe again and take me back to oblivion.
When I stir awake, it's dark outside. My alarm clock displays that it is after 9 P.M. I've slept the entire day away. Good. Better than living it.
A knock at the door startles me and I realize why I awoke in the first place. Before I can get up to answer it, it creaks open, streaming light into the pitch darkness of my bedroom. A tall, masculine shadow steps in and closes the door behind him.
"You know, you really should answer your phone," Jared says, flicking the light on. I shield my tired eyes, my aching head throbbing at the intensity. "Holy shit, Gabs, you look how I feel."
Jared walks over and sits at the foot of my bed, assessing my ragged appearance. I haven't bathed since yesterday morning, let alone looked in a mirror. I can only imagine what kind of rat's nest sits atop my head.
I shrug, unable to formulate a response. I'm not even sure I can talk after downing so much of the searing liquor and my mouth tastes awful. Then I remember vomiting before passing out this morning. I hold up a finger and stagger to my bathroom to freshen up. No need to kill Jared with my breath just because I feel like death.
"So I take it you found out," Jared murmurs once I reemerge.
I nod, clearing my throat. "Yeah," I reply hoarsely.
"Guess you were right." He runs his hands through his messy hair and snorts, shaking his head in disbelief. "I can't believe I didn't see what was going on right in front of my eyes. They were messing around this entire time. And here I thought we had unresolved feelings," he says gesturing between the two of us.
I shrug, still at a loss for words. He's right. Even after meeting … him, I never stopped caring for Jared. I think I'll always be attracted to him. However, after last night and the way he dug into me at the restaurant, I don't think he and I will ever be the same. He said I was a miserable obligation, a burden to him and the rest of our friends.
"About what I said last night," he begins, reading my mind. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things."
"But you meant it," a hoarse, rough voice says. I hardly recognize it as my own.
Jared looks at me with apologetic eyes, shame written on his face. Yes, he meant it. He thinks I'm a selfish bitch. And honestly, I'm fresh out of fucks to give.
"It's fine. I'm fine. You don't need to feel responsible for me," I say standing up and walking to my bedroom door. "I really need to be alone right now."
Jared takes the hint and makes his way to me. "I really am sorry, Gabs. For everything. You were right about … Aurora," he says cringing. That's when I really get a good look at him. His eyes are sunken in with dark circles around them. He's unshaven and his clothes are wrinkled. Jared has been hurting. Maybe as much as I have.
"And I guess you were right about … You were right too," I stammer, my eyes casting down. I look up to find his gaze on me, overflowing with unshed pain. It mirrors my own.
After I walk Jared to the door, I pop into Morgan's room just to show her I'm still alive. Then I make a sandwich, realizing I haven't eaten since the salad over 24 hours ago. Still, I can hardly choke it down, and grab a beer instead. After showering and throwing on some ratty old pajamas, I climb into bed and desperately try to close my eyes without seeing … him.
One day down, eternity to go.
Chapter Eighteen
The next day passes in the same excruciating manner and by Monday I am all too happy for the distraction of working. I try my hardest to make myself presentable although my raging headache from my 3 day binge is making it almost impossible. Carmen keeps looking at me with pity in her eyes and by early afternoon, I'm sick of it. I know she's heard and she most likely suspects I've been lying about being sick. I make up an excuse about paperwork and opt to hide in the office.
"Hey, Gabs?" Carmen says, poking her head inside.
Busted. I lift my head from my desk, my sleepy eyes giving away my cat nap. "What's up, Carmen?"
"Someone is here to see you." Her eyes grow large with excitement and she waggles her eyebrows.
My thoughts immediately go to … him, but Carmen shakes her head to dispel my unspoken question. "I've never seen him before but, O-M-Geeee! So hot! I think he might be a new designer."
I sit up straight and nod, trying to hide my twinge of disappointment. Why should I be upset that it's not him? I told him we were done. He's engaged; there's no reason for him to come see me.
"I'll be right out. Thanks, Car."
I fluff my hair and give my cheeks a few light smacks to wake up. Then I slather on some lipgloss, hoping I look somewhat professional, seeing as I am now the freakin' owner of Cashmere. How the hell did that even happen? And what the hell am I supposed to do to keep it afloat? I sigh, shaking my head in frustration then head out to greet our guest.
"Hey Gabs, I mean, Gabriella," Carmen stammers as I approach. The mystery man's back is to me and her eyes once again widen with delight to indicate her approval. I muster up a tight grin, meeting my daily smiling quota. Yeah, that shit won't happen again.
As the man turns to face me, my breath catches in my throat. Perfectly styled dark hair, light blue eyes, and tan skin. And so impossibly gorgeous it makes my eyes hurt. This isn't a man at all, and every alarm bell in my head is telling me, screaming for me, to run like hell.
"Hello, Ms. Winters. I am Nikolai. So lovely to finally meet you," he smiles with an outstretched palm.
The very sight of his dazzling smile causes me to tremble with a mixture of unexpected desire and fright. So freakin' beautiful it's scary and I instantly know that he is Dark. He has to be. And if there is one thing I have learned about the Dark, especially in the last few days, is that they are ruthless, vile bastards with no regard for humanity. I look around me at the innocent, human shoppers and employees in my store. I have to do something; I have to get him away from them without raising suspicion. It's not only my life that is at stake.
I look down at his hand, still extended for me to take in mine. Hell no, there's no way I'm letting him touch me. "Good to meet you too. Sorry, just getting over the flu. Wouldn't want to get you sick," I say with a strained smile. He nods and places his hand behind his back in response. "Let's go back to my office so we can speak comfortably, Nikolai."
With a nervous wave, I turn to make my way to the back office on shaky legs, Nikolai right on my heels. What am I going to do once we get back there? And what could he possibly want? Surely he wouldn't do anything stupid to draw attention to himself in a store full of bystanders. Once I usher him into the tiny room and click the door closed behind me, I glare at Nikolai with cautious yet threatening eyes.
"Who the hell are you and what do you want?" I growl.
Nikolai perks into a wide smile, his white, sparkling teeth looking more like razor sharp fangs. "I told you; I'm Nikolai. But please, call me Niko. I came to formally introduce myself," he explains as if I should know this already.
"Nikolai who? And what is that supposed to mean to me?"
Nikolai laughs and shakes his head. "He didn't mention I'd be coming by? Typical. Well, this is as good a time as any."
"Mind telling me what the hell you're talking about? And what are you doing here?!" I nearly shout with clench fists.
"Dorian sent me. He asked me to keep an eye on you during this … rough patch you two seem to be having. So here I am." Niko gracefully folds himself into my swivel chair and props his hands behind his head.
Dorian. Just hearing his name causes my heartbeat to stutter. I try to slow its pace with a series of deeps breaths, feeling a wave of tears prickling the back of my eyes.
"Wow. He really has you affected, doesn't he? Interesting."
My cold gaze snaps to Niko, casually lounging in my chair. "I don't need looking after. Especially not by some strange, Dark asshole who looks like a High School Musical reject. So run along now and feel free to tell him that," I say, turning to open the door.