"No," I reply shaking my head. "I just haven't had much of an appetite." It's true. Whenever Dorian is called away to Greece, which happens a lot more frequently than I'd like, I can hardly function, let alone eat. I know it's downright pathetic to be so dependent on him but it's the truth. Thank God it's finally Friday and he is expected to get back some time tonight. I need him like I need air; I've been suffocating without him.
Jared shrugs. "Well, anyway. I'm glad you could come tonight. Seems like we never get to hang out like we used to. So what's up? What's new?" He takes a big slug of his soda, regarding me with questioning green eyes. "Holy shit, Gabs! When did you get another tattoo?"
I look down at my right hand, at the little blue anchor that now occupies the space under my thumb. "Oh, that. Yeah. Just a little something I got a while ago. Has it really been that long since we hung out?"
"I guess so," he replies with another shrug. And it has been. The man that sits before me hardly resembles my best guy friend. His auburn locks are styled much like the young heartthrobs featured on magazines and in music videos and his wardrobe has gotten a major style upgrade. Jared has always been a looker but in his designer jeans, fitted tee and leather Moto jacket, he looks more GQ than soccer jock. And as much as it pains me to admit, Aurora has good taste. Jared is looking hotter than ever.
"How's life at UCCS treating you these days?" I ask, hoping to distract my mind from the obvious weirdness lingering between us.
"Great. I really like it there. Everyone is really cool. Obviously I've been busy as hell with soccer but it's been awesome." He bites into his massive bacon burger, chewing slowly before grabbing his soda to wash it down. "And the store? How's it going?"
"Good. Sales are better than ever now that I've incorporated some different styles and local designers. And Carmen is doing great. She's a huge help."
For the next hour, Jared and I try to make idle chitchat to fill the uncomfortable distance between us. I just want to press pause and rewind to a time when things were seamless and easy. We were once so close, kindred spirits even. We could talk for hours about absolutely nothing and when we'd run out of things to say, we could be comfortably silent. As long as we were together, everything made sense. But as I stab my salad at our once favorite restaurant, I realize that I've lost my best friend. Jared Johnson is a stranger to me.
"Well, I guess I better get to why I asked you to come meet me tonight," Jared says after our empty plates and glasses have been cleared. He pulls a navy blue velvet ring box out of his pocket and sets it on the table in front of me. I look up at him with shocked, unblinking eyes.
"Jared … is that what I think it is?" Holy shit! Is Jared about to propose? My heart is beating out of my chest, and I'm not sure if it's from excitement or immense fear. Maybe a mixture of both.
"It is." He reaches over and opens the tiny box, revealing a glimmering princess cut diamond fixed on a white gold band. "Dealing with what happened with my mom and realizing that our loved ones can be taken from us at any moment, I decided to stop delaying the inevitable. I know what's important to me now, Gabs. And I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid to take that step."
I try to swallow, but my mouth is suddenly bone dry. I reach over and grasp my iced tea with a shaky hand, downing it in seconds. "What are you saying?" I whisper as soon as I've regained my voice.
"I'm saying that I'm ready. I'm ready to take a leap of faith and start my life with the woman that I love." Jared smiles at me brightly, his emerald eyes gleaming brightly with adoration.
This is it; he's going to say those words. I hold my breath in anticipation.
"I'm going to ask Aurora to marry me."
What. The. Fuck? "Jared, what are you talking about?" I sputter. "Are you crazy?" Aurora? He wants to marry Aurora? Hell no!
"No, I'm not. For once in my life, I'm completely certain about this. Gabs, you should know better than anybody how difficult it was to almost lose my mom again. I'm tired of playing it safe. I want to make Aurora my wife." Jared snaps the top of the ring box down and slides it back towards him.
"That's ridiculous, Jared! You can't marry Aurora!"
Jared recoils as if I've just slapped him across the face. "Why not? We're in love. She gets along with my family. I want to be with her. What's the problem, Gabs?"
What is the problem? Is it the fact that Aurora is a sex-crazed Dark One that thrives on the depraved desires of others? The fact that her relationship with Jared was manufactured so she could get close to me? Or that she is admittedly still in love with Dorian and always will be? Or could it be that Jared was the guy I once thought I was truly in love with and hoped to spend my life with? But without even voicing my endless questions aloud, I know that the answer is a combination of all my concerns. Not only is Aurora merely preying off of Jared's undeniable sexual magnetism, she is only sticking around to appease Dorian. The man that we both love. The man that I am certain we would both kill and die for. Love that runs so deep it frightens me.
"Jared, she's just no good for you. She isn't who you think she is." No matter the reason, the look on Jared's face tells me he's not buying it. There's no way to make him understand and protect myself, Dorian, and even Aurora at the same time. But I have to try. "You may think she feels the same about you but you're wrong. She can't be trusted."
"And you know this, how?" he says, his brow furrowed in frustration. "Look, Gabs, I get that you and her have problems. But don't sit here and try to say she doesn't care about me. That's really low. Even for you, Gabs."
What's that supposed to mean?
"I'm sure she cares about you," I say with a huff. "But there are things you don't know about her, about who she is. And I don't want you getting caught up in her lies." I gaze down at the little blue box and am suddenly repulsed by the sight of it. I try a different angle, hoping to tap into Jared's rationality. "Not to mention that you are no way ready for marriage. You're only 20, for crying out loud! And you haven't even finished school!"
"I'm not saying that we'd get married right away, Gabriella. But Aurora is a few years older than me, and women like her aren't single for long. I need to show her that I'm in this for the long haul. I mean, who wouldn't want to marry her?"
Ouch. "Jared, if she really loved you, she'd wait until the time is right. It's only been like what, 5 or 6 months? Give it time. You have your whole life ahead of you."
Jared exhales noisily. "Don't you think I know that? I'm not stupid." He grabs the velvet box and stuffs it back into his pocket. "But after the summer I had, I can't afford not to live every day to the fullest. Playing it safe is no longer an option for me."
I nod, hoping that my show of understanding will soften Jared's annoyed expression. "I know. And maybe one day, you'll both be ready for such a monumental step. But I have to say, I don't think that time is now." Or ever.
"So you mean to tell me, if Dorian popped the question you'd turn him down?" Jared questions with a raised eyebrow.
I look down at my knotted fingers, trying to force down the swell of agony rising in my chest. I feel my bottom lip begin to quiver and I bite down on it to keep my emotions at bay. Why the hell does this subject keep coming up?
"That will never happen," I whisper. "Dorian will never ask me."
"Humph," I hear Jared snort. "Well, looks like Aurora was right about him. But just because your boyfriend has serious commitment issues, you shouldn't try to bring everyone else down too. Our happiness isn't always based on you, you know."
Hold up. I know Jared is not going there with me. "And what the hell is that supposed to mean?" I snap, unable to hide my agitation.
Jared runs a hand through his messily styled auburn locks. "It means that misery loves company. Your outlook on love, relationships, life in general … you're so fucking pessimistic. All because you are unhappy. So we all feel guilty for wanting what we want and try to downplay our happiness to accommodate you. But you know what? Shit, I'm tired of watching The Gabriella Show. I'm tired of rushing to your aide every time you've got another shit storm coming your way. I want a life. Not an obligation."
I gaze at Jared blankly, unable to process the razor-sharp words that have just fallen from his lips. How can he say these things to me? How dare he! All this time I thought that the friendship Jared and I shared was based off of mutual trust, respect, and even affection for each other. And now he's telling me he felt obligated to stick around throughout the train wreck that is my life?
Before I know it, I'm on my feet, my chair screeching against the floor, causing nearby diners to cringe. I am only just aware that I am rummaging through my purse to retrieve my wallet where I grab a twenty to slap down on the table. It is a feat considering the violent shudders rolling through my body. My hands are shaking fiercely and I know that if I don't get out of there, Jared will very easily become the target of my unpredictable rage.
"Oh, so you're leaving? You finally hear the truth and you're running? Instead of staying and talking this out? I thought you never backed down from a challenge, Gabs," he snorts, playing a dangerous game at provoking me.