Gazing into his bright blue eyes, something stirs within me at his sincerity. My chest tightens and a knot forms in my throat, causing warm moisture to sprout at the brim of my eyelids. Shit. I'm going to cry.
"Dorian," I choke, fighting back the building sobs threatening to erupt at any moment. "I'm no good for you. And I know sooner or later, you'll figure it out. And it will kill me. It will literally kill me," I say just as the first hot tears escape.
Dorian crushes me to his chest, his arms squeezing out a barrage of whimpers. "Shhhh, little girl. Don't you say that. Never say that," he whispers into my hair over my strained sobs.
He holds me for several minutes, letting me empty my tears onto the front of his shirt. When I finally regain my composure, I look up at him, apology in my eyes. This wasn't about him and his ability to completely dismantle me with his rejection. It was about me shoving my pathetic insecurities onto him. Whether or not we conquer our relationship full speed ahead or reduce to a snail's pace, I'll never feel worthy of him. He sees past all the fighting, cursing, drinking and tough talk. He sees me for what I truly am. A little girl who has never known her place in this world, was never picked first, has never fit in. His little girl, the Light-Dark abomination.
An hour later, we sit cross-legged on the floor, munching on room service, and listening to the soulful sounds of Adele. After Dorian kissed away my tears, we sat in silence, holding each other as if it were our last night together. It made me think of how it must've been for Natalia and Alex as they waited for death. How do you begin to prepare for that? How do you say goodbye? How can you?
"There is something I need to tell you," I say as Dorian refills our glasses.
He gives me a pointed look. "Oh?"
I nod, giving myself a moment to formulate my thoughts. "The fortune teller, the one that was killed. You know she was murdered because of me, right?"
"I do," he responds without blinking.
"What she told me that night, when she touched me. She said that darkness would consume me, and I'd accept it. That I was the darkness." An involuntary shiver creeps up my spine as if the soothsayer's ghost has arrived along with my morbid reflections.
Dorian wipes his delectable mouth with his napkin and nods yet doesn't respond. So she must've been right. I am becoming consumed by darkness.
"Dorian, do you think our relationship is pushing me into the Dark? Are you trying to make me … like you?"
I watch Dorian as he takes a long sip of his wine then sets his glass down on the coffee table. He finally gazes at me with mournful eyes, indicating that my worst fears are reality.
"Little girl, I don't want you to be like me. I've never wanted that for you," he says softly. "But darkness does consume you. It consumes me too. But it isn't me; it isn't my darkness." Dorian reaches his hand towards me tentatively to brush the line of my jaw. "It's yours."
Huh? "What are you talking about? How can I consume you? I am powerless, Dorian. Remember?"
"It's in you. I feel it every day, beckoning me to antagonize the beast in you. I try to resist. But as I told you before, you are drawn to Dark elements. It arouses you, feeds you. I find myself losing control when we're together. It's another reason why I try to stay away."
I absorb Dorian's words, trying to piece together a logical explanation. The darkness within me wants to be unleashed, and it's manifesting in Dorian as a result. There is immense evil within me pushing me into the Dark. Somehow, I'm not surprised. Nothing surprises me anymore. I just have to make the conscious decision to fight even harder to stay in the Light for both our sakes. I have to resist my Dark urges that want to surface and wreak havoc on all those who choose to stand against me, my friends and family included.
Luckily, the song changes and I shift my attention to the melodies emanating from the sleek stereo system nearby, hopelessly trying to salvage the evening and what's left of my sanity. It's a song I know and love, and I perk up into a thoughtful smile.
"What?" Dorian quizzes with a sexy raised eyebrow. God, I love it when he does that.
I smile sweetly. "Nothing. Just thinking."
"About what?" When I answer with a shy grin, Dorian playfully presses me for answers. "Aw, come on. You can tell me."
"No, it's … embarrassing," I say with a blush of scarlet. "You'll laugh at me."
Dorian feigns surprise. "Don't tell me the big bad Dark Light is afraid," he teases. "Seriously, I want to know what has made you smile, so I can ensure it happens again and again."
I sigh and channel what's left of my steely nerves. "Ok. This song. It reminds me of you. Was kinda like my song for you when I first started having real feelings for you. When I admitted to myself that I sorta … loved you. "
I can't help but cast my eyes downward in mortification as the beautiful sounds of guitar echo throughout the suite. My cheeks are hot and I get an unwelcome tightness in my chest, indicating the swell of restricted emotion. And as Adele belts out the first notes, I know that I won't be able to hold the tears much longer.
Every lyric coaxes the unspoken realizations that I find it so hard to verbalize. So many years of being lonely and discounted, no one ever truly seeing me, the person that I really am. The Gabriella I so desperately wanted to be. Yet somehow he broke through the walls and barriers and penetrated my frail, dejected heart. He loves me for all that I am and what I will become, even though it scares us both to death. He accepts the darkest parts of me and doesn't try to change me, in all my shattered complexity. Meeting him has given this fa?ade of my life new meaning. He's given me purpose, strength. He's given me love. Dorian has given me everything and, in turn, is everything to me. Designed by the Divine Power especially for me.
I feel cool fingers brush my cheek before pulling my head up to meet a pair of dazzling azure eyes. Eyes so full of adoration that it causes a poignant gasp to catch in my throat. Dorian smiles tenderly and appears amazed and grateful at my silly, romantic gesture.
"No one's ever dedicated a song to me. Thank you," he says before placing a sweet kiss on my lips. He sweeps a loose curl behind my ear, still cradling my face in his hand. "I love you, little girl. So much it astounds me."
Dorian is on his feet faster than I can see and he pulls me to mine. He ushers me to the bedroom where I find dozens of flickering candles illuminating the room, filling the space with the scent of jasmine. Of course they weren't here before and I gaze up at Dorian and smile brightly. He flashes me a wink in response then turns his smolder upwards, indicating that I should do the same.
Miraculously, the high vaulted ceiling is black as night and glittering with hundreds of twinkling stars. They appear as luminous and radiant as the ones that inhabit the sky and I am completely beguiled. I look back in awe at the gorgeous creature before me. The Dark One I've surrendered my heart to. The man who taught me to live and love despite our twin imminent deaths.
"Dorian," I gasp. "It's amazing. What is all this about?"
He leads me to the grand four poster bed shrouded in satin, looking at me adoringly. He strokes my cheek gently with the back of his hand and I reflexively turn into his touch.
"Loving you is and will always be my greatest honor. You've done the impossible; you've opened me, Gabriella. And despite what the future may hold for us, I will carry that with me forever. My heart will always be yours, in life and in death."
In life and in death.
I absorb Dorian's amorous proclamation, emotion swelling in my chest. But there is something else in his beautiful words. An edge of remorse, a hint of sadness. I try to squelch the creeping doubt and enjoy this moment despite the subtle double entendre.
Dorian holds up a single finger then makes a whirling motion, the room falling away from us, dissipating before my eyes. Four walls no longer contain us. Plush carpeting is replaced my soft, white sands between our toes. There are no dressers, no bedside tables, not even an inkling of the gold and black room that has housed our intimacy countless times. The sounds of crashing waves flood my ears. The only light besides the twinkling stars is produced by the enormous iridescent moon stationed above us. The scents of water, fresh rain and seduction surround us, and the aromatic memory instantly stirs something within me.
Skiathos.
"Dorian. How?" I gasp, unable to produce any other words to describe my awe.
"I told you I wanted to bring you here. And while I still hope to one day, this illusion will have to do." He leans forward and kisses me tenderly. "I want to make love to you under the stars. I want to become one with you, create a new memory in the place where I was birthed. I want to bring you home."
Dorian's hands roam my bare back, making me painfully aware that I am suddenly naked. He too is nude and it instantly distracts me from my own insecurities. Seeing his luscious body illuminated only by the moonlight is a glorious sight. His olive complexion and those ice blue eyes contrasted by his jet black ruffled locks seem to glow in the most startling, ethereal way. He is so remarkably gorgeous and content here in his element. He pulls me into him, our warm bodies mingling, reacting to the familiar static that occurs every time we touch.
Dorian gently pulls my face up to meet his, and envelops my mouth with his soft lips. His agile tongue strokes mine, tasting and teasing with leisure. There is no rush. He's taking his time with me, making this intimate act last. This is different. So full of emotion and wonder, as if it's our first kiss. We want to commit every taste, every sensation to memory.