Fighting? "What? I was in a fight?" I sure as hell didn't feel like I was, unless Dorian … no, never mind. He can't heal. Not that I would need healing.
"No, thank God. He pulled you away before anything escalated. Apparently, some girl was getting a bit too up close and personal with him while he was at the bar getting you some much-needed water. I would have checked her myself if I had seen it, but I guess you did."
Morgan puts her fork down and peers at me with cautious eyes. "Gabs, you walked over, grabbed the girl by her hair and nearly yanked her across the room. Dorian wasn't even giving her the time of day and you were ready to commit murder! It was unreal! He had to literally carry you out of there, kicking and screaming like a psycho.
"Gabs, I love you, girl. You know I do. But when you get drunk, it's like balls to the wall, sorority girl, Hangover, spring break, Girls Gone Wild drunk. And it just seems like you're going down that path again. I know you had a rough week and all, but these past few days were scary for me. I'd come home every night, and you'd be drunk, listening to sad ass music. Seriously, if I have to listen to your breakup playlist one more freakin' time, I will shoot myself. And then the tattoo? What's going on, Gabs?"
I study my half-eaten chicken sandwich before meeting Morgan's questioning eyes. What can I say to her? Yeah, we all have our demons, but how do I explain that my demons are a part of me? That I am the demon?
I'm sorry," I say shaking my head. "I didn't mean to embarrass you. I didn't even mean to get that drunk." My mouth twists into a pained grimace. "The past few days were really bad for me. I just got carried away."
Morgan's hand flies to mine, and she rests her palm on the back of it gently. "Hey, Gabs, you are not an embarrassment. I'm just worried, you know, of what to expect," she says, her voice cracking towards the end. She picks up her iced tea and takes a sip. "You are so wrapped up in Dorian, I feel that if things were to end, it will completely crush you. I don't want to see you lose yourself. I know you love him and I know he is your first real boyfriend. And I do like him. But the hold he has on you worries me. I know you are this bad ass, tough chick, but I really do believe that Dorian has the ability to break you. He may be the only one who can. You manage his store, you live in his apartment … what happens if you two break up?"
I swallow, clearly disturbed at the course this conversation has taken. The question is one I've pondered at length yet have not come up with a reasonable response. Where would it leave me? Back at Chris and Donna's house, broken and utterly despaired? And my friends … if Dorian and I split, will he undo the wards that protect them? Will he … kill me?
"I can't say what will happen, Morgan. I can only hope that we never have to find out." I look up at my best girlfriend and try to give her a confident smile, yet fail. "But I will try to do better. I promise."
Morgan nods and smiles back before picking up her fork and stabbing a piece of grilled chicken. "I know, girl. I just don't want to see you hurt. You have so much to offer, so much to live for. I don't want you to throw all that away for a guy. No matter how ridiculously rich and handsome he is," she winks.
I spend the rest of the evening contemplating my conversation with Morgan. She's right, and admitting that truth has put me in a bad head space. Not to mention the rainy, gloomy weather but I know it is a necessary evil. Dorian made good on his promise to give me what I craved and then some. After dragging me out of Aria and relieving me of the copious amounts of alcohol in my system, he slowly tortured my body with crippling pleasure for hours. The term ‘multiple orgasms' simply does not measure up to what he gave me, making me eat my words from our racy car ride.
But of course, our passion has a price. He gave me so much of himself, and regrettably has had to stay away because of his own craving for me. For my power. The thought that his attraction to me is somehow biologically engraved in him still daunts me, yet I can't be certain that my yearning for him is any different. Of course I'd be attracted to him, even without the supernatural pull. But Morgan's words still echo in my head.
Dorian can break me.
I've never put too much stock into any guy, Jared included. I could have lived with solely his friendship. But can I live without Dorian? When both of our lives are so expendable in the eyes of the Dark, and even the Light, could living without him be an actual possibility?
By Monday night, I am overwhelmed with the discouraging thoughts that have plagued my mind every second Dorian and I are apart. I need him. I've become an addict, completely strung out on the feeling he gives me. But it goes beyond that. Dorian tantalizes every part of me. His passion, his intellect, the mystery that hides behind those startling baby blue eyes- I want it all. My first instinct is to reject the intense hunger for him, to run away and hide my true desires. But I can't. He consumes me completely.
Suddenly the fortune teller's haunting words resonate in my head as if her ghost can read my forlorn thoughts.
"Darkness approaches you from many angles. It eclipses the light around you, pulling you further and further into a world of great pain and tragedy. It seeps into you. Alters you. Soon it will consume you completely. Yet, you will allow it. You will welcome the darkness. Because you are the darkness."
I am the darkness. And it seems as if Dorian is pulling me deeper into the curse of my bloodline. I am going further into the Dark. It's what he wants. He wants me to align with the Dark so we can be together. But wouldn't that be like selling my soul to the devil simply for love?
I arrive at Dorian's hotel suite late that evening after texting him the four dreaded words that make a guy's balls jump into his stomach.
-We need to talk.
I use the key card he's given me and let myself in, finding him out on the balcony, staring blankly into the night. A crystal glass of scotch is in his hand, his other resting on the railing. Even shrouded in darkness, wearing only dark slacks and a black sleeveless undershirt, he takes my breath away. This is going to be harder than I thought.
"You're worried," he says on my approach without turning around.
I go to him, sliding my arms around his firm waist. He smells heavenly as always, causing me to nestle my face into his hard back.
"With good reason," I reply. "We should have had this conversation months ago. But you always seem to distract me."
Dorian finally turns to face me, looking down at me with a sexy half-smirk. His eyes are dancing with wild possibilities, causing my heartbeat to quicken at just the sight of him. "Can I distract you now?" he breathes seductively.
Yes, yes you can.
"Maybe later," I respond, stowing my body's carnal requests. If I give him my body now, then I might as well surrender my will. I have to stand strong, no matter how bad I want him, which is pretty damn bad.
Dorian sighs reluctantly and leads me back inside. He stops to refill his drink, pouring one for me as well.
"Have you eaten?" he asks, handing me my glass as I take a seat on the black and gold couch.
I shake my head. "Later for that too." I take a much needed swig and meet his icy glare.
Dorian nods stiffly and sits on the adjacent loveseat, not bothering to hide his irritation. Neither one of us relishes the thought of going into such sensitive territory, especially since we only recently kissed and made up. But the longer we put this off, the murkier our future seems.
I take a deep breath, steeling myself as to not seem meek or uncertain. "I think I made a mistake when I said I'd work for you and live at Paralia."
Dorian sips his poison and looks at me with a blank, unreadable expression. I don't know if I've offended him or if he agrees. "Why do you say that?"
"Because I've made myself completely dependent on you. If you leave me, I'm homeless, jobless, and completely clueless. I'm broken, even more so than when you met me. I think we rushed into all this and maybe we should slow down."
"Slow down? Is that really an option for us?" he asks incredulously. "Gabriella, we don't have all the time in the world to fool around. All we have is now." He takes another hefty gulp and sets down his glass.
I take a sip and nod in agreement. "I know. I know tomorrow isn't promised for either of us. But I shouldn't abandon common sense and be blinded by my feelings for you. Why should I trust that you'll never abandon me? That you really won't … kill me?"
Before I can blink, he's beside me, evaporating swirls of grey surrounding him. Dorian grasps my face between his hands, his eyes searching mine intently. "What do I have to do for you to understand that I would never leave you? Would never hurt you? I've given you my heart, my life. Shit. What else do you want?" he says just above a whisper.
The desperation in his voice, the earnest look on his face pierces the depths of my resolve. He's given me everything, yet I still question his devotion. But it's not him who I doubt. It's me. I know that I could never be worthy of such a beautiful creature. I'm selfish, irrational, brash, and unstable. I'm everything he's not. It's only a matter of time before the other shoe drops and he realizes it for himself.
Dorian lets his fingers wander into my soft tendrils, wrapping a curl around his finger. "Gabriella, you're all I've ever wanted. I don't care what you decide upon your ascension, I just want you. You are enough," he whispers, answering my secret anguished concerns.