"No, Dorian," I choke out in a whisper. "This is what you want. What you need. You killed me the moment I found out the truth. So just do it."
I feel my eyes pool with fresh tears, unable to blink them away. And why would I? This is the end. There's no use in trying to stifle my agony. It's true; I am dead inside. Without Dorian, without the beautiful illusion of love and true happiness, I am but an empty shell. Even the mirage of my life that pacified me for twenty years cannot pull me back from the ledge. I can't go back to that. Meeting Dorian- loving Dorian- has altered my entire being. Life without him is death.
At the sight of my crack of emotion, Dorian releases a bit of the anger that feeds the beast within him, though his darkness is still prevalent. He reaches a pale, spiny hand toward me, plumes of charcoal writhing around it. The sharp pads of his fingertips slide down my cheek, leaving a trail of frigid cold prickles. I bite back the urge to cringe at the chilling sensation.
"I don't want that," he mutters hoarsely. "But you've left me no choice. I'm sorry, little girl." With a sigh, he stows his darkness entirely, his body settling back into its original magnificent form. The olive tone of his skin returns and the ominous grey smoke dissipates, the ice blue of his eyes the only sign of a supernatural threat.
I hear his words but the peril still doesn't register. There is no room left in me to feel anything else but immense pain. I can literally feel my heart splinter into several jagged pieces, the ache radiating in my chest and spreading throughout my body like a cancer. I don't even notice the tears streaming down my hot cheeks until Dorian brushes them away. I resist the urge to burrow my face in his hand.
"So this is it? You're going to do it?" I whisper with a weak, wavering voice. My brash and bold nature has completely abandoned me. I was defeated from the start.
"Yes." The look on his face is pure agony and regret. Why? This is what he's wanted all along, toying with my heart just to get close to me. Yet this is not the face of a cold-hearted paranormal killer. This is the face of a man tormented by his own demons.
I let my eyes close, before allowing myself one last glimpse of his beautiful face. Dorian. My very own angel of death. "Ok. I'm ready."
I feel his fingers brush a trail from my cheek down to my collarbone, resting there to trace small circles with his thumb against my throat. His warm lips touch my forehead and I ease into the touch. A final kiss goodbye. I allow myself to savor it.
Dorian quietly mutters a few strangled words against my flushed skin in his secret, unnamed language. A language I'm not supposed to know, yet this time I understand every word. Words that I have craved to hear from his lips. Words that grip my shattered heart, trying to piece the jagged shards back together.
My eyes flutter open just as Dorian takes a step back, looking down at me in anguish. I let my hazels plunge into his glossy pools of azure as I offer those same words to him in my last dying breath.
"I love you, too."
Chapter Two
We stand in silence, staring at each other, an array of tortured emotion etched on our faces. Dorian said he loves me. He knows I can understand his language, the sacred tongue of the Dark. And he knows I love him too. We are both jolted with these revelations, unsure of what to do next. I should be dead right now, but instead, I am gazing up at the most beautiful man ever created. At the Dark Warlock that I love so much it's bound to kill me.
Tension swirls around us, the heat of our bodies mingling with the sexual electricity that neither of us can deny. Seconds ago, I was ready for Dorian to end my life in order to save his own. There was nothing I could do to fight him, and a big part of me didn't want to. Knowing that he has deceived me in the worst way possible was like taking a bullet to the chest. I don't think I could ever survive his betrayal.
Dorian's brow furrows, bewilderment flashing in his eyes. He drops his hand from my throat and cocks his head to the side, causing me to stifle a giggle. I've always found the gesture incredibly cute and endearing. Even now, knowing what he is, he still looks like my Dorian. And I will always view him as such.
I open my mouth to speak, but realize I don't even know what to say. What words could possibly sum up my confusion in this moment? I lick my dry lips in exchange, noticing how parched my mouth has grown.
"Fuck, Gabriella," Dorian hisses.
Before I can even respond, his mouth is on mine, urgently moving against my lips. I gasp at the sudden assault and Dorian easily slides his tongue inside, tasting my impassioned desperation. He pulls me into him, pushing our bodies as close as they could possibly be. Feeling the rigidness of his artfully muscled physique, his hand on my lower back, the other at the nape of my neck, I completely lose myself and just feel. Even after kissing him countless times, even after learning his intentions, his touch completely disarms me. I am putty in his skilled hands, his to mold and shape however he sees fit.
Dorian's tongue explores my mouth with perfect precision, tasting refreshingly sweet as always. I drink in his intoxicating flavor, my head swimming with illusions of hope and redemption. I try not to overthink it and just let myself get lost in the passion radiating from his soft lips. He playfully nips my bottom lip before sucking it into mouth. I sigh against his lips, letting my hands grab soft handfuls of his silky black hair.
God, I've missed him. Even though it's only been a mere 24 hours since I kissed his lips, it feels like it's been months. For a moment, I lost him. My Dorian left me, leaving a horrific beast in his wake. But he came back; he uttered those three little words that completely altered my resolve. And now, as I melt into his arms, our mouths joined in a slow yet heated embrace, hands kneading and stroking generously, I know that I have surrendered to him wholeheartedly. In life and in death.
Dorian sucks my tongue into his mouth once more before reluctantly pulling away from me. He runs his hand through his tousled hair, making my desire for him burn even hotter.
"You amaze me, you know that? I am completely enraptured by you in every way. So much so that I am about to commit suicide," he says, eyes twinkling in the dim light of the room.
"What does that mean?" I breathe, my voice hoarse from shouting and struggling to choke back sobs.
Dorian strokes my cheek with the back of his hand reverently then chews his bottom lip. "It means that I can't do it. I can't hurt you; I won't. I'd rather die than harm you, Gabriella."
I nuzzle into his touch and kiss his palm, as he does with me whenever I touch his face. "I can't let you do that, Dorian. I meant what I said. And even if you were to lay down your life- which is ridiculous, by the way- what is stopping the Dark from sending someone else? Someone that doesn't give a damn about me?"
"You're right," he says with a resigned sigh. "But there is no defeating or deceiving them. We can't win."
We? Is there still a we?
"Let's back up, Dorian. You lied to me. You purposely deceived me and made me believe that we had something real. How can I ever trust you? How do I know you won't change your mind and decide that I'm disposable?"
Dorian's eyes are on my lips as he runs his fingers through my dark waves. "I never lied to you, little girl. I may have deceived you- and for that I am truly sorry- but I never lied. I can't."
"What do you mean, you can't?"
He leads me to the plush black and gold filigree couch, easing me down. I crumple into the cushion, suddenly realizing how fatigued I am after missing dinner, not to mention the emotional roller coaster of events this evening.
"Gabriella, I cannot lie. Ever. I was cursed, unable to ever deceive the Dark, or anyone else, again. So when I tell you that I love you, that I could never hurt you, I mean it. I would gladly lay down my life for you, and that is the realest, truest thing I have ever felt."
I'm rendered speechless at his declaration. He loves me. Even the words passing his lips leave me utterly breathless. And now more than ever, I know that I cannot live without him. He is willing to give up everything for me. He is willing to die for me. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
"I can't let you do that," I whisper. "I won't let you do that. I … need you. That day in the restaurant, you were absolutely right; I am just now living. And that's only because I met you." I take his hands in mine and relish in the contact, letting it motivate me. Touching him always soothes me. "You changed me, Dorian. You awakened something in me that I never knew existed. And now I can't go back to the life I had before. It wasn't a life at all. Not until I met you."
Dorian gazes at me in wonder, completely taken aback at my earnest confession. "You really mean that?" he asks, clearly perplexed.
I nod and give him a reassuring grin. "Yes. I do. I love you, Dorian."
His eyes are on my lips again, as if he is struggling with the urge to kiss me. He smirks, and shakes his head in disbelief. "I've never done this before, Gabriella. I've never … loved. We aren't taught to, even as children." Dorian brings his eyes to mine and they are filled with so much intensity, it startles me. "But what I feel for you- this … love- is real. I never thought it was possible for me to feel this way. But now that I have it, I never want to let it go. I never want to let you go. And I will do whatever it takes to keep you alive."