"You don't mean that, Dorian. He's your dad. And to be honest, you are not unlike him." I instantly feel Dorian stiffen and I know I've struck a nerve. "Other than the evil, coldhearted dictator part, of course. You are extremely charming and gorgeous and fascinating, Dorian. I wanted you the moment I saw you. And you still take my breath away every single time I'm with you."
Sheesh. I am definitely still drunk. I am way too loose with the lips.
I feel Dorian shift as if he's shaking his head. "But his power … he has abilities that I don't possess. He likes it that way. He keeps us all beneath him so there is never a chance that anyone would ever challenge him. And those who have been stupid enough to try have never lived to tell about it. He gets whatever he wants, no matter the cost, no matter who he destroys in the process. Women love him; men fear him."
"But I don't love him, Dorian. I don't even like him."
Dorian lets his hands dance in my hair, massaging my scalp gently. "But you want him," he states somberly.
"What? Hell no! Absolutely not!" How can he even say that? I only want Dorian, and I always will. For me to desire his dad is just downright … gross.
"You do," he states simply. "He couldn't have planted the dream if you didn't. Even if you opened yourself to him for just a second, that is all he needs. Then he has access to the deepest depths of your subconscious."
If there was ever a time where I wanted to press rewind, it's now. I would have never stopped at the market. I would have gone straight home and told Morgan that they were out of damn taco shells. How can Dorian be so calm about this? Doesn't this wound him? Knowing that even for a fraction of a millisecond that I allegedly lusted for his dad?
"I'm so sorry, Dorian. I have missed you so much. I swear I have no interest in your father."
I stretch my neck to look up at my lover, only to find him smiling down at me adoringly. "I know, little girl." Again he strokes my hair and I go back to listening to his heartbeat. "Did he speak to you?" he asks after a while.
"Huh?" I reply sleepily. Anytime Dorian plays with my hair, I am instantly relaxed to the point of unconsciousness.
"In the dream. Did he speak to you?"
Oh. "Um, yeah. But only like one sentence." And it was one helluva sentence.
"What did he say?"
I take a deep breath and try to recall what Dorian's father, the Dark King, said to me verbatim. "He said ‘I can make you feel this sexy, this free every single day.' What the hell does that even mean?" I say with a nervous, strained chuckle.
Dorian doesn't return my humor. "I see," he responds flatly. "It means that he knows that you feel trapped, confined and uncomfortable with yourself. And he can … he can make you feel free and sexy. It means he'll give you what you want."
"But all I want is you!" I exclaim whipping my head around so he can see the conviction in my eyes.
Dorian gives me a wistful half-smile. "I know you think you do, little girl."
He eases my head back down onto his chest and commences to play in my hair. I snuggle into him, letting my own hand stroke his abdomen. Even through his dress shirt, I can feel the hard, taut ripples.
Dorian nuzzles in closer to me and I feel his lips in my hair. "But the king always gets what he wants. And what he wants is you."
Chapter Ten
"I am just overjoyed that the boys have their mom back. I know they are beyond relieved," Donna says pulling the roast out of the oven. It smells delicious, and my mouth instantly begins to salivate as the aroma wafts throughout the kitchen. I set three table settings for our traditional family dinner.
"They are. When they found out yesterday, I was afraid they'd kill themselves trying to race to the hospital!" I don't have the heart to tell her that I had learned of Tammy's miraculous recovery in the wee hours of the morning before. Or the Dark King's impromptu visit to our unsuspecting town of Colorado Springs.
"Well, Tammy looks like she'll be fine. She doesn't even remember the attack. It's as if nothing happened at all," my mom remarks, setting the meat, potatoes and vegetables onto a serving platter. She looks at me skeptically. "So Dorian found a way?"
I shrug, returning my attention to folding the napkins into neat triangles to avoid eye contact. "I guess so."
"Here, this should do," Chris interjects as he enters the kitchen. He holds up a bottle of red wine that he's retrieved from the wine rack in his study. Things are still strained between us though we are both making an effort to rekindle our relationship.
"Looks good, dear," my mom remarks. "Ok, dinner is served."
We all sit at the kitchen table, ready to dig into the sumptuous meal that Donna has prepared for us. It's nice to enjoy a normal family dinner together. I've made it a point to at least be here on Sundays, especially since Dorian insisted that Cashmere close early on the conventional holy day so I can spend as much time with my parents as possible. I think he knows how much more difficult it will be to maintain my once carefree, human life after my ascension. He knows Donna and Chris; he likes them. They may have all even been friends at one time. He knows losing me will break their hearts and sympathizes with them. He values my human relationships, causing me to appreciate my family and friends just a little more while I still can.
"So things are going well with Dorian, I presume," Chris states flatly, filling our glasses with wine.
"Yes," I say tersely. Looks like he wants to jump right in with the questions. I grab my glass and take a lengthy sip, preparing for battle.
"Humph. So I'm assuming you'll be aligning with the Dark upon your ascension." Chris cuts into his meat, and places a portion into his mouth. Disappointment and judgment is written all over his face.
I finish chewing my bite of food then gently place my silverware on the table. Looks like I can forget about a nice, relaxing family meal. "I haven't actually decided. And I don't really understand why I have to. I am equally Dark just as I am equally Light. Why should I have to choose one side and shun the other?"
"This isn't about being fair, Gabriella," he says. "It's about believing in something and devoting yourself to it. Natalia lived her life for the Light. And she died because she fell victim to the Dark allure." Chris shakes his head as if to dispel any false speculation. "Now I'm not saying that your father didn't love her; I know he did. Alex was a good man. But I can't say the same about the rest of them."
I look over at Donna who is silently picking at her meal and nod weakly, not quite agreeing with Chris but not totally disagreeing either. I get what he's saying. Other than Dorian, I can't fully trust any Dark One as far as I could throw them. But the same could be said about the Light. I know nothing about them, and they've chosen to keep it that way. Why should I place my devotion in their hands?
"But you once knew Dorian too. He sacrificed so much to protect my parents and their secret. He protected me before he even knew me. Why do you hate him so much?"
"I don't hate him, Gabriella. It's because I know him that makes me so cautious. It's what he's capable of that worries me. He's Dark. That's not going to change no matter what you do. A tiger can't change its stripes."
So what is he saying? That no matter what, Dorian will never be good? That he'll always be a cold, callous assassin? I don't want to change him; I never have. I love him for who and what he is. I just want to show him the good that's already there, that's been there all along. I don't ever expect him to be anything less than Dark, just like he can't expect me to be anything less than the indecisive, irrational, hot-headed Dark Light that I am.
"I understand that I could never bring Dorian into the Light, if that's what you're implying. And I honestly don't want to. It was you who told me that there is no absolute evil, just as there is no absolute good. Just because Dorian was born into a family that does not value the man that he is, that doesn't make him a bad person. He's proved that more than once already."
I take a deep breath and try to reflect just how deeply I feel for Dorian. I have to make them understand. "I see him, Dad. I know that sounds crazy, but I do. I know who he is and I'm not going to turn away from him just because of some ancient feud that isn't even my fight to begin with. And if I did, that makes me no better than the ones that slaughtered my birth parents and left me an orphaned half-breed. They acted out of fear, out of hatred. I want to act out of understanding, acceptance. Love. Like Alex and Natalia did. Like you and Mom did when you took me in and raised me as your own."
Chris chews his food and swallows laboriously. He then picks up his glass of wine and downs it in one quick gulp before turning to me. Uh oh, here it comes. I down my wine as well, ready for the onslaught.
"When did you get so smart, Kiddo?" he responds, pride and affection twinkling in his brown eyes.
I smile at my dad, the man who cared for me from birth. The man who dried every tear and bandaged every scraped knee. "I had some really awesome parents. They taught me everything I know."