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Real Vampires Don't Wear Size Six(55)

By:Gerry Bartlett

"You can say that again." Jenny pushed her food around on her plate and actually ate very little. "Penny may be going to California. Big new job."
"What?" Mark and Melissa stared at Penny like she'd just proposed taking the space shuttle to Mars.
"Thanks, Jenny. Yes, I have a wonderful opportunity. I've got a chance to work on cutting-edge research with a scientist who has a lab outside of Los Angeles. Glory arranged an introduction."
Now eyes were on me and I was the snake in the Garden of Eden. "Uh, Ian MacDonald does great things. And he has a fabulous setup, right on the Pacific Ocean in Malibu."
"Are you kidding me?" Jenny was totally envying.
Melissa's eyes narrowed. "You realize that area is just one earthquake away from sliding into the ocean, don't you?"
"And there are forest fires, not to mention mud slides." Mark leaned forward. "Have you researched this guy's background? What kind of money are we talking here? You have any idea how expensive it is to live in California?"
"Daddy, Mom, calm down." Penny got up and took her plate to the kitchen. "Chocolate cake, Glory?"
"Are you kidding me? I'd kill for chocolate cake." I smiled. "Not literally you understand." Blank stares from the family.
"Don't worry. She buys this from a local German bakery. Delicious," Penny whispered as she got busy cutting big slices.
"None for me, Penny. I've got to leave soon and hit the books." Jenny came to stand in the kitchen doorway and made sure to put a sad note in there.
"I'm going to pay for you to get a tutor." Penny sighed. "It'll be our secret."
"Seriously?" Jenny grinned and hugged her sister. "I knew you wouldn't let me down. Now I'll go talk up California. You should hear Mom and Daddy whispering about it. You'd think you were going straight to hell." She giggled and gave Penny the once-over. "As if you'd get so lucky."
I turned to Penny as soon as Jenny disappeared. Penny held up her hand.
"Don't say it. She's my twin. And I usually do help her."
"Not saying a word." I took a plate with a huge slice of cake and picked up a fork. "You do whatever you want. Me? I'd let her sink like a rock. But then I'm not related to her." I took a bite and felt the bliss of rich chocolate hit my mouth and tongue. "Oh, God, but that's good."
"Better than." Penny handed me another plate. "Now please help me with the folks. If I get the chance, I'm going to California. Tell them great things about Ian. Make stuff up if you have to."
"Not necessary. He's brilliant and I know this could be a fantastic opportunity for you. It's an easy sell." I carried a plate to Melissa and started in with a glowing recommendation of Ian. I described his advanced degrees and first-class setup. Of course I left out that he charged megabucks for whatever he invented so only rich vampires benefited. Hooking up my fledgling with Ian felt right.
What didn't feel right was my tummy. I felt a gurgle first and looked around, hoping no one had noticed. Not a chance, they were too busy shouting about how Penny should stay at the University of Texas.
"Actually Ian is thinking of opening a lab here in Austin. That's why he was visiting Ray, Israel Caine. They're friends and Ray had told him about our cheap land here, compared to L.A. anyway. Ian's other interest is real estate and he knows a good deal when he sees it. I think there's a good chance Penny could stay here in Austin and never go to California at all." I barely got this out before my stomach rumbled again. I rattled my fork against my empty plate to try to cover the noise.
Not necessary. Penny jumped in with another reason why she was done with the grant program here and the shouting started again. I tuned out. I'd finished my second piece of chocolate cake but that last bite had pushed me past full to miserable. Now, when I looked down, I noticed a bulge under my skirt. Swollen stomach? Wait a minute. This wasn't a tiny bulge. It was like everything I'd just eaten had decided to stage a sit-in. Like back in the hippie era.
I glanced around, glad Penny was the one in the hot seat, then pulled down my sweater. The stupid thing slid right back up again. That did it. I had to get out of here. But, when I struggled to my feet, I heard a pop.
"Glory, I think you just lost a button." Jenny giggled. "Was that off your skirt?" She rolled her eyes. "Careful, Penny. If you two eat like this all the time, you'll soon be giving the blimp a run for its money."
"Jennifer Louise!" Melissa gave Jenny a stern look. "Pay no attention to her, Glory. I just love to see someone appreciate food."
"Oh, I appreciated it all right." I heard my stomach rumble again. "Excuse me." I headed to the bathroom, where I shut the door and sat on the lid of the closed toilet. What was going on? My stomach was growing, and the noises! I heard a knock on the door.
"Glory? You all right?" It was Penny.
"Get in here." I unlocked the door and dragged her inside. "How are you feeling? Did you take Ian's potion?"
"Of course I did. I ate, didn't I?" She stared at my stomach. "It's moving. I need to get my notebook. Damn, I wish I had a stethoscope. I can hear the strange sounds from here." She leaned down like she wanted to press her ear to my stomach. "Gurgles and-whoa!-I think it's calling for help."
"Not funny." I popped her on the arm. "I'm making a run to my room. Can you make my excuses to your folks? Keep your fangs out of sight?"
"Sure, that's no problem." She pressed her hands to her own stomach, which had no unusual bulges. "And my tummy is quiet. Nothing going on there." She stretched out her hand. "Seriously. Are you in pain? Maybe I should get Ian over here."
I felt a lightning bolt shoot through my midriff. Power of suggestion?
"Oh, ow! Thanks a heap. Didn't hurt till you mentioned it. I'll call Ray, he can send Ian over. Just get rid of your parents. Please?" I burped what sounded like the mating call of a lonely foghorn, then clapped my hand over my mouth.
"Another symptom. I ate as much as you did. I wonder why nothing's hit me." Penny's eyes gleamed and I had a feeling she was going straight for her notebook when she left me. "Go lie down. It's not unusual for people to have digestive issues the first time they eat Mom's food. Maybe it's nothing to do with Ian's stuff." She grinned, then clapped her hand over her mouth.
"You couldn't have warned me?" I managed to gasp. "We could have saved that potion for steak at a fabulous restaurant, you know." I moaned when another pain hit.
"You're right. But, if I get this job, you can have more of the formula, all you want." Penny wasn't smiling now. "I know I should have admitted that Mom's not the greatest cook in the world. That's why I told her we were on a diet. Tried to keep her from bringing dinner in the first place, nothing to do with the vampire thing at all. Honestly, it would have been easier chewing a rubber band than that pot roast." She patted my shoulder. "But the cake was stellar, you have to admit that."
"Oh, yes. Two pieces of heaven." I gasped as agony ripped through me. "You sure you're okay?"
Penny frowned, checking herself, then shook her head. "Not an ache, not a twinge. Ian's formula worked perfectly on me."
"Great, just great." I kept my head on my knees, nausea now an extra added attraction.
"Try to relax, Glory. I'll get rid of Mom, Dad and Jenny. No worries." Penny patted my back, then closed the bathroom door.
No worries? I breathed through the nausea, held on to the wall to stand, and made a run for my bedroom. There I eased my door shut before I collapsed on the bed. I fumbled for my purse on the floor and pulled out my cell phone, barely managing to hit Ray's number before my stomach rumbled again and made me double over. I shoved my purse away and grabbed my trash can, just in case. Thank God, I didn't throw up but it was close.
I listened to the phone ring with my eyes closed. This had to be way more than a simple case of gluttony that a Tums could cure.
                       
       
           



       Seventeen

 

"Glory? How's it going? Isn't this the night you were having Penny's folks over for dinner?" Ray's voice sounded wonderful, not slurred. He was sober and cheerful. I was so . . . not. I could barely talk as my stomach did a bob and weave. Shapes moved under my skirt. Like a boa trying to make an escape.
"Not great. Tell Ian I'm having one of my weird reactions to his stuff." I gasped. "Pain."
"We'll be right there. Hang in, babe."
I tossed the phone aside and grabbed my middle. Skirt. Even without the button it was too tight. I managed to get the zipper down and wiggled out of it, then kicked it to the floor. I slid under the sheet and coverlet, shaking as another pain hit me. I'd been a pig and this was what I got.
But Penny was right. She'd eaten just as much and she hadn't looked like she'd swallowed a water balloon. I huddled under the covers and curled onto my side, my knees pulled up toward my chest. Even my black silk panties felt tight, but I wasn't about to shuck those. Why couldn't anything ever be simple for me? I don't know how long I lay there before Penny opened the bedroom door.