I pointed down to my stomach, "Not really in the position to chug beers on account of the little human growing inside me."
"Hmmph excuses, excuses." Elliot rolled his eyes at me before rejoining the men, a couple glaring in my direction. I blew them all kisses, turned back to Cade and Amy.
"It's still a sensitive subject." I explained.
"How long ago did this happen?" Amy asked grinning.
"Oh about six years ago." I deadpanned and Amy burst out laughing.
Cade just gave me a look before he pulled my in for a kiss.
"Looks like you've been holding out on me and the boys Gwen." Cade whispered, eyes twinkling.
"Oh just you wait biker boy, I'll whip all your asses once I get this little sucker out." I told him, deciding it was time to put some of those cocky assholes in their places.
I waited for Amy and Cade to laugh, or even smile. It was a joke, I thought I was pretty funny, but there faces turned serious and I was met with silence. I felt like Ben Stiller doing stand up.
Cade cleared his throat, an intense expression on his face. "You planning on coming home to Amber then Gwen?" He asked softly.
Realization dawned, my offhand comment had been given these guys a much needed clue as to my plans of the future. Was I going back to Amber? This place, this town was my home it always would be. It held a huge chunk of my heart, contained people who I loved, respected, grew up with. It had been an amazing place to grow up, somewhere where I had no worries, the horrors and reality of the world outside rarely touched me here. I had always thought I would eventually come back here and raise a family. But in my mind that was always someday. It was way in the future, an undedicated date I had given little thought to. A twenty something girl living a glamorous lifestyle in New York barely thinks of the future, apart from wondering about Louis Vuitton's next handbag collection. But this was now. Not someday vaguely in the future, and I had a lot of other people to consider in this decision, not just myself. As much as the idea of staying here, where nothing ever changed, or would change, appealed to me, I knew I couldn't. I couldn't stay in the place where everyday I would have to drive down the road Ian and I would have four wheeler races on, drink in the pub he brought me my first legal beer, take my child to the school where he and I had gone. It would shatter me.
"Yeah." I replied quietly, "I'm coming home."
I woke up for the second morning to be encased in Cade's arms, my back snug to his chest, his arm protectively cradling my belly. I instantly felt it. Different. For the first time in two months I didn't feel like a thousand pound weight was pressing down on my chest, making me almost physically unable to get out of bed, to face the day. I felt happy. Then I felt guilt. So strong it washed over me like nausea, settling in my stomach. A tear rolled down my cheek and I held my body taught trying to stop myself from shaking with silent sobs.
Cade's arms tightened around me. "Gwen? What is it? Are you okay?"
He flipped me on my back, hovering above me worried eyes searching my face.
I looked at him a beat then burst into tears. He sat back on the bed pulling me into his arms, I buried my face into his shoulder and tried and stop but the tears kept coming. Cade rubbed my back.
"It's okay baby."
I didn't say anything for a while, my emotions churned through me, rendering me speechless. How could I talk if I didn't even know what I was feeling?
Cade pulled me back slightly, to meet my no doubt tear stained eyes.
"Want to talk about it?" He asked softly.
I bit my lip. My silence, my denial has been the only thing keeping me together the past two moths.
"I woke up, with you, after last night having such an amazing day with you, and a night with my friends and family. I woke up and I was happy." I hiccupped, "But how can I be happy? My brother's dead, His life is over. I'll never see him again, and now I feel so guilty for being happy because he's gone." My voice broke on the last word. "I've been trying so hard to be strong, for Mum, for Amy, for Dad and for the baby." My breath caught, I tried to calm myself.
Cade yanked me up so I was straddling him, his hands framing my face.
"You don't need to be strong baby. I've got you. I'm going to take care of you, and our Bun." One of his hands moved to my stomach. "You're going to be happy, and you aren't going to feel guilty about it, because one day you're going to realize all your brother wanted in this world was for you to be safe and happy, and he wouldn't want you stopping living your life because you were clinging onto his."
His grey eyes searched mine, he looked strong, determined, like he would do anything for me.
"I love you so much." I whispered.
"Love you too baby." His hand pulled me down to his mouth and he slowly kissed me, hands running up to me breasts caressing them.
I moaned, deepening our kiss, craving him, needing our connection. He roughly squeezed my nipple, sending a rush of heat between my legs. I rubbed myself against his growing erection, both of us already naked. His hand moved between us to my clit. I gripped his shoulders hard as his circled it with his thumb.
"Cade." I whimpered.
"Come for me baby." He growled, eyes never leaving mine.
I cried out as my orgasm rushed over me, Cade didn't let it stop as he thrust in from underneath me while I was riding the last wave. He grabbed my neck pulling our foreheads together. His mouth met mine for a frenzied kiss before he moved to my nipple, sucking it. The sensation shot through my sensitized breasts and I shuddered.
"You're going to come again Gwen," Cade commanded roughly.
I didn't answer but I felt myself building, Cade clutched my hips pounding into me hard and deep. I managed to stifle a scream as I came, feeling myself clenching around him milking his release. I collapsed on top of him, rather clumsily with my belly between us. Cade lifted me off him, tucking me into his side, pulling my leg over his body. I felt him dripping from between my legs. So could he, because he slipped his hand down there, I shuddered still feeling sensitive.
"My come dripping from your pussy, my baby in your belly, fucking perfect." He grunted, bringing his fingers to my lips, I opened my mouth and sucked, tasting our combined fluids.
Cade claimed my mouth. "Still the hottest piece I've ever had. I'm the luckiest son of a bitch in the world."
I rested my chin on his shoulder. "You won't be saying that when I'm in my third trimester when I'm fat with swollen feet and a screaming bitch because I can't fit into heels." I told him seriously.
"You won't be fat you're fuckin pregnant and beautiful. And I'll just have to find a way to keep your mind off your feet." He declared, rubbing my breasts thoughtfully.
"Well right now my mind is on food. Bacon in particular, with banana and maple syrup."
Half and hour and a shower later I was happily munching on my plate of deliciousness, my breakdown a distant memory. Cade sitting beside me chomping on some eggs helped a lot.
"Sweetheart, are you sure you want to eat that for breakfast? That baby needs some nutrients." My mother asked me, entering the kitchen. She looked down at my plate with a raised eyebrow.
"Banana is full of potassium Mum." I declared.
"And what is bacon and maple syrup full of?" She countered, setting a green tea beside me.
"Happiness." I said without missing a beat.
Cade chuckled beside me and Mum shook her head with a smile.
"Where are Dad and Amy?" I asked between mouthfuls. It was after ten and Amy was usually down here inhaling her eighth cup of coffee by now. My father could be anywhere, considering he was up at six.
"Your father, believe it or not is teaching Amy how to ride a quad bike."
My mouth dropped open, luckily I had swallowed my food already.
"No way?" I pushed my chair back, my breakfast forgotten. "I've gotta see this!"
"They're out at the back paddock, you want to take the truck?" Mum smiled. I was guessing she'd already seen the spectacle.
I grabbed my jacket, slipping on some gumboots, Pink Hunter boots mind you.
"No I'll just take a bike." I glanced at Cade, who up until now had been smirking into his breakfast, now he was glaring at me.
I gestured the universal ‘come on' at him. "Hurry up, don't you want to see this? We've got two more bikes in the shed." I yanked up my second boot and straightened, opening the door. Moving at his usual macho speed of light, Cade was beside me, blocking my way, arms crossed. Now it was my turn to frown.