I slowly regained coherent thought and realized he was still dressed, I sat up slowly. "You. Naked. Now." I commanded, breathing heavily.
Cade smiled wickedly and stood, divesting himself of his clothes in record time.
He knelt before me, pulling me gently to the edge of the bed, spreading my legs.
"I need to taste you so badly baby." His face disappeared between my legs and I suppressed a scream as he devoured me like a starving man. Riding my second orgasm I vaguely noticed Cade's body on top of mine.
"I need you inside me more than I need to breathe." I whispered to him.
His hands framed my face, kissing me tenderly as he pushed inside me, he let out a grunt of pleasure as he filled me to the hilt. I opened my eyes.
"I love you."
His eyes were fierce. "I love you to my soul baby."
I woke suddenly, terrified it was all a dream, that I was still alone and broken. Cade's arms tightened around me, his face close to mine in an instant.
"What is it Gwen? Are you okay? The baby?" His hands moved to my stomach.
I let out a breath of relief, kissing him lightly. "She's fine. I just had the most terrible feeling I dreamed you. That you weren't really here, it scared me."
Cade leaned over and switched on the light. I squinted for a second, my eyes adjusting.
"Can't have this conversation in the dark Gwen." He explained softly.
I nodded against his chest. I heard him take a deep breath, preparing for something.
"The day. That morning, what you saw before you found out about Ian." He began, I feel nausea at the pit of my stomach.
I hadn't forgotten about what happened since he arrived, just buried it. He sensed my tension and grabbed my chin, eyes blazing.
"I didn't touch her Gwen. You need to know that. I hate to bring her filth into our bed but this needs to be said, I don't want its poison to sit in your mind." He paused and kissed my nosed tenderly before watching me. He must have been content with what he saw so he continued.
"After our fight I was pissed. Pissed with you, pissed with myself. I was angry with you because you were right. I don't regret that he is dead, especially when we are going to have a little girl, I don't want her walking the same earth as him." His eyes blazed with protection for our unborn daughter. Something warm settled in my gut.
"But I know how you feel, what you meant. I want our child to be proud of me. I will protect you both with my last breath, won't let anything hurt you. But I won't let the taint of what I have done enter our house. Our family. I promise you that. Anyway, I got drunk. The club was having a party, but I stayed away and chose a bottle of Jack for company. I sat for hours thinking of everything, wanting to go back to you, but I was too fucking proud. Baby it has haunted my dreams for 63 days that I didn't go back to you, I'll never forgive myself. I dragged my sorry and drunk ass to bed. I did that alone Gwen. I swear to you." His face was right in front of mine, eyes not wavering. I believed him, with every inch of me I believed him. I opened my mouth to tell him that but he put his hand to my lips.
"Let me finish baby. The next thing I know I was waking up to my beautiful girl telling me the best news I have every heard and making me the happiest son of a bitch on earth. Then the whore skulked out from the bathroom. The look on your face Gwen, I swear to god I'll never forget it. You broke. Right there in front of me. Later on I found out the fuckin slut walked in not long before you arrived. Bull told me. Saw her sneak in, drew the wrong conclusions. But she must've picked my tee of the floor, used the bathroom then stayed in there, chose her moment when you got there." His words were laced with fury and I could tell even now, two months later his anger with still blazing.
"Never wanted to lay a hand on a woman so much my entire life. Wanted to fucking kill the bitch." He spat.
"But you didn't." It wasn't a question. I knew he wouldn't.
"No. As much as I wanted to, I handed her over to Rosie and Evie instead." He smiled without humor.
I raised a brow but said nothing, I would so be ringing Rosie tomorrow.
Cade tightened his arms around me then kept going. "Then I saw you baby, you collapsing in my arms, hearing you fall apart, thinking I was watching you lose our child." He shuddered. "Thought I had died and gone to hell. Got a respite when I heard our baby's heartbeat for the first time. That was until I saw nothing on your face. Heard the lack of emotion in your voice. You are the most vibrant person I know, and that just disappeared. You disappeared. You were a shell Gwen. Scared the shit out of me. You leaving me outside that hospital damn near ruined me. Wanted to kill my brothers, myself. Anyone that was responsible for me not being by your fucking side when you put your brother in the ground." His words bit through me and the pain was so sharp it surprised me. I couldn't have this.
"Cade." I whispered softly, brokenly.
"No baby. I will never forgive myself for the fact you had to do this without me, I couldn't be there to shield you protect you best I could. Watch you grow with my baby in you. It's all on me. And the decisions and the club that led me here."
"Stop." I commanded firmly. "Stop doing that, blaming yourself. The club. They are your family. And just like any family they have their downfalls, but no matter what they love you. Things are going in a different direction now right?" Cade said nothing just nodded stiffly.
"We can't change the past." I said quietly. "I would give anything to have that ability. But I can't. We just have to live every day in the present. I love you. I don't blame you for anything. You are the reason I'm not falling into a thousand little pieces right now, you are holding me together."
"You are the one doing that babe. I'm in fuckin awe of you." Cade's mouth covered mine and he was inside me the next moment. We didn't say another word for the rest of the night.
Chapter 19
I was humming contentedly the next morning, pouring pancake batter into the pan, sneaking glances at Cade who was sipping coffee and reading the paper. It was such a domestic situation, one that I never saw myself in, but one that felt completely natural. Grey eyes met mine. "Concentrate on the pancakes Gwen, I don't want you burning yourself. Or my breakfast." He teased.
"Stop distracting me then." I snapped.
"I'm readin the paper how is that distracting?"
"You're just being all sexy and irresistible and its distracting okay?" I declared, my hormones telling me to jump him on my parent's kitchen table.
His eyes darkened as he read the desire in mine.
"Pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen Gwen? I'd never thought I'd see the day." Amy walked into the kitchen pouring herself a cup of coffee, smirking between Cade and I.
"You watch you mouth if you want pancakes Abrams." I pointed my spatula at her warningly as she walked over to me, handing the cup of the sweet sweet nectar into my free hand. I brought it up to my face and Cade's angry voice stopped me.
"You're not allowed coffee Gwen!" He growled, looking as if he was going to waltz up and snatch my precious away from me.
I cradled it protectively to my chest. "I know." I glared at him until I was sure he was staying put. "I just like to smell it."
I took a huge inhale and let the scent dance into my nostrils before Amy snatched the cup away from me and sat at the table.
"Seriously Mouse, I don't know why you torture yourself with that every morning. You can be a weird kid sometimes. Just drink decaf if you are that addicted to the stuff." Dad entered the room smiling, kissing me on the forehead.
"I'll drink decaf when you drink non alcoholic beer." I told him, turning back to my pancakes.
"The day I drink that horseshit is the day hell freezes over." My father proclaimed with ferocity, before pouring his own coffee, as if to taunt me.
"Decaf." I muttered to the pan in disgust. I flipped a pancake onto a plate and was preparing to pour another one when I felt it. I grabbed my stomach, the glass jug slipped from my hands and shattered on the floor. Cade was by my side in a second, Dad was on his feet phone in hand. I was impressed with their reflexes.
"What's wrong Gwen?" Cade looked terrified with his eyes glued at my stomach.
"I'm calling the doctor." Dad declared.
I smiled, catching them both off guard. "I'm fine both of your calm down, Dad hang up the phone." I grasped Cade's hand and put in over my belly. His eyes widened. "She just caught me by surprise that's all." I said softly relishing the feeling of my baby kicking at Cade's hand.