"But why did this happen? She was in pain, bleeding. Are you sure everything is okay?" He fired at her with an edge to his voice.
Sarah stood at the end of the bed looking at us both, addressing Cade.
"As I was just telling Gwen, babies respond to their mother's distress. And I understand Gwen had just gotten some bad news." She pointed a sympathetic glance at me and Cade's hand squeezed mine.
"But lets give Dad a look so you can feel better." She wheeled an ultrasound machine over from the corner and gestured for us to remove or hands.
She exposed my stomach. Cade's eyes were glued to my belly in a look so intense I forced myself to glance away before it could affect me. After putting the cold jelly on, she moved the wand and we both watched the screen. I looked at what I had seen the day before, reassured to hear the little heartbeat. Cade's grip was iron on my hand. I swear I had never seen a look on his face like the one he was currently wearing. His eyes glistened, he gazed down at me with pure joy on his face.
"That's our baby." He murmured roughly, stroking my cheek.
"As you can see and hear we have a little fighter on our hands." Sarah informed us.
I registered the screen, the baby, the father's joy, but I couldn't bring myself to find any response. A numbness settled over me. I was relieved beyond belief that my baby was okay but that's all I could feel, all I let myself feel. Sarah put the machine away and she stood at the end of my bed again.
"When Gwen's body went into shock, so did the baby. And as the baby isn't equipped to deal with stress, it gave us signs of distress. Now Gwen's blood pressure is also quite high, which is slightly worrying. I would advise you stay rested for the next couple of days, try to avoid stress. I know that is not something that can be controlled at this time. But we can monitor you just in case." She smiled sadly, pity in her eyes.
Pity for me. The girl whose brother just died. The grief cut through me like glass.
"I can't stay anywhere rested. I have to get a flight. I have to get to New Zealand as soon as possible." I informed her flatly.
"Gwen, sweetheart, the baby, I don't know if that … " Cade began, voice tender but firm.
I ignored him, keeping my eyes on Sarah. "Will the baby be okay? Hell I'll even hire a doctor to fly with me." I told her, unable to fathom the thought of being unable to see my parents.
"Honestly Gwen, the bed rest is just a precaution, a flight is obviously not ideal at the moment, but I am reasonably sure the baby will be fine. The biggest worry on a flight is a blot clot, but as long as we can get your pressure down the risk lowers significantly. We will keep you here for observation for a couple more hours, just to make sure your blood pressure comes down, then I will be able to clear you for flying. I'll come back and check on you in a bit." She turned to leave the room but Cade stopped her.
"Reasonably sure?" He bit out. "I want you to be 100% sure that my baby and future wife are going to be safe before putting them on a 12 hour flight. I am not letting Gwen anywhere near a plane for ‘reasonably sure.'" He declared hotly.
I felt my temper flare from somewhere, but Sarah spoke before I can.
"Mr Fletcher, I would never put my patient on a plane if I thought there would be any risk to her or the babies health. That is why I am monitoring her. The baby's heartbeat is strong, her blood pressure is coming down, she is healthy, and young. Now of course even in a healthy pregnancy there will never be a 100% certainty that everything will run smoothly. But I can assure you, she will not be getting on that plane unless I am sure she and they baby will not be at any unusual risk." She maintained eye contact with Cade, not backing down.
I would have been impressed had I been able to focus on anything but my sorrow.
Cade continued to glare at her a beat, then nodded stiffly, returning his concerned gaze to me.
"I'll leave you to it. You will be discharged as soon as your blood pressure gets back to normal and stays there. Should be a few hours." Sarah cut in, before moving to the other side of my bed not occupied by a big biker. She squeezed my hand.
"I'm so sorry about your brother Gwen." She told me sincerely before walking out.
I followed her with my eyes, wishing for glorious oblivion to stop me from getting crushed under the weight of my sorrow.
"Baby?" Cade muttered softly, his hand stroking my face so tenderly you'd think I was made of glass. I felt like it. I felt like I would shatter at any moment. But I couldn't. I had a little baby inside me, who needed its mother to be strong.
"Gwen. I need to explain about before with … "
I held my hand up, halting him. "Cade my brother is dead. Do you think I care you fucked some whore?" I said, my voice flat.
Cade flinched, I regarded his stricken face feeling detached. He stood, towering over me in my bed, his hand going down to cradle my stomach above the blanket.
"Gwen you need to know … " He started again.
"I don't need to know anything!" I all but screamed, my voice ragged. I took a deep breath. "I don't need to know anything but the fact my brother is dead. I will never see him again. My baby will never get to know their uncle. All I need right now is to get out of here so I can go home." My voice was back to the flat, emotionless tone I think I might come to adopt.
Cade sat on my bed carefully, stroking my face again. I didn't push him away, didn't respond to his touch. I just stared at him blankly.
"Gwen, the idea of flying that far, with the complications with the baby … I can't have either of you in any kind of danger." He was trying to treat me with care, but it didn't stop what his true meaning is to fire up a spark inside me.
"I would never put my baby in danger." I hissed.
"I know you wouldn't Gwen, but you won't be able to control what happens when you get on that plane." His voice brokered no argument, but hell if I wasn't giving him one.
"You're right. I don't have any control. I don't have control over the fact my brother is dead, that my parents are beyond devastated, that my heart is broken. And I can't control the fate of my baby, as much as I wish I could shield it from everything in this world, I can't. We could die in a car crash on the way to the airport. I can't control that. But I would never let anything in my control hurt my child, or even give anything the possibility of hurting my child. There is no way you have any say in my staying here once I get the all clear from the doctor, I need to go home and help my parents bury their son. I need to bury my brother."
I didn't allow the expressions on Cade's face permeate. I didn't allow him to speak.
"I need you to leave." I told him flatly, eyes on the ceiling.
"I'm not fucking going anywhere." Cade's voice was concrete.
The fire that had so quickly sparked inside of me withered, the strength to fight him just wasn't in me. I was too busy using it to try and fight the grief that was crushing my chest. Too busy trying to fight off the reality that my brother was actually gone. So I just ignored him, stared past him, to the monitors that showed my baby's heartbeat. I focused on that, clinging to that little sound like it was my lifeline. Cade was talking, stroking my face, kissing my head. I ignored him.
"Gwen." He softly grabbed my face, pulling it close to his, forcing my gaze away from the monitor. He opened his mouth, but before he could speak, the door opened and Amy burst in. She stood at the door, her face red and splotchy, eyes rimmed red, pain etched into every inch of her body. We just looked at each other a beat. A single tear ran down my best friend's cheek.
"Gwennie." She choked before rushing to the bed. She didn't even acknowledge Cade who stood to let her crawl in next to me. She sobbed quietly, her body shaking next to mine, I held onto my best friend for dear life.
Amy clutched my hand as the plane touched down. I looked over at her makeup free face and attempted a weak smile.
"Well we made it home and this little one has behaved." I put my hand over my stomach, letting the relief wash over me. She squeezed my hand and looked down at my stomach.
"I expected nothing less from our super baby." She attempted a jaunty wink, but couldn't hide the raw pain the lurked beneath her eyes. Yet again she was trying her best to take care of me, help take on my grief when her own threatened to drown her. I sighed, gazing out to the tarmac and into the windows of the airport that held my parents. I yearned for the comfort of my mother's arms, the strength from my father's embrace. I was also dreading the moment I saw them. The moment I saw the loss in their faces, the point where this would all become real. The moment when my blissed numbness would crack away to reveal the agony that threatened to destroy me.