Cade pulled at his neck, muscles bulging as he did so. "Yeah baby I've got friends at the prison." He replied softly, his meaning clear.
"You had something to do with this?" I asked, wishing him to tell me otherwise.
He continued watching me, stepping towards me, freezing as I flinched away.
"I couldn't let him go on breathing after what he did to you Gwen. He needed to be taken care of. I didn't want any more chances of him hurting you again." His voice was void of emotion, matter of fact, like we are discussing what to have for dinner, not him ordering a hit on someone.
"He couldn't hurt me again!" I yelled at him, "He was locked up for life. He was paying for his crimes, for every single person he hurt."
Cade stiffened, his fists clenched. "That wasn't enough for me Gwen. I couldn't sleep at night knowing someone who hurt the most precious thing in my life was still in this world."
"And how do you think I'm going to sleep at night knowing the man I love ordered a hit on someone?" I all but screeched, "It isn't up to you to play judge, jury and executioner! How am I going to keep on living like this? Am I going to have to worry whether you are going to off someone for stealing my parking spot, or getting the last pair of shoes I wanted?" My voice was still loud, maybe bordering on hysterical.
"Jesus Gwen! This was different and you know it. I'm not a fucking monster. I'm not like him!" Cade exploded, temper flaring.
My temper was threatening to match his, which may or may not be due to pregnancy hormones.
"Maybe not yet Cade! But when human life means so little to you, when it's so easy to end it with just a phone call, who knows where that will take you. I'm not living like that my … " I cut myself off from saying ‘my child will not live like that.'
The look of rage and hurt on Cade's face cut through me like a knife.
"Fuck this!" he roared. "Fine Gwen if you don't want to live with a monster, then I'm gone, I won't be a part of tainting your life anymore!" He pushed past me, slamming the front door. I heard the roar of Harley pipes as he hurtled down the driveway.
"Shit." I muttered to myself. I sank to the floor, tears streaming down my face, my hand lightly cradling my stomach.
Chapter 17
I woke up early the next morning, to a rolling stomach. I quickly pulled back the covers to Cade's bed and made it to the bathroom in time. After divesting my stomach of last nights chicken I placed my head against the cold porcelain, a feeling of dread washing over me remembering the disaster of last night. After I had a little breakdown on the floor, I finished making dinner, made Cade a plate and put it in the fridge. I went to bed early, hoping to wake up to Cade so we could sort things out. It was morning and the bed was empty. He hadn't come home. I didn't know what to think about the fact that he was the one who was responsible for Jimmy's death. I did know I really hurt him, basically calling him a monster. There was no way I could agree with ending someone's life even if he was a scumbug of epic proportions. But I couldn't say I was sorry that Jimmy was dead. It was like a weight gone from my shoulders. That also scared me. I was telling the truth when I said those things to Cade last night, if you have someone who loves you enough to kill for you, where do they draw the line? What justifies ending someone's life in the name of someone else? I shook my head, this was all to much to handle on top on an unplanned pregnancy. I knew I had to talk to Cade. He would be at the clubhouse, and I could only hope the big mouths over there hadn't uttered a word about my little bun. I swear they were worse than women. My phone started ringing, I jumped hoping it would be Cade, but looking down at the display it was my mother. I frowned and let it ring. I couldn't deal with talking to her just now, I needed to sort things out with my man first before informing her she would be a grandmother.
I pulled up to the clubhouse feeling nervous and nauseous. The words from our fight last night rang in my ears, Cade's parting shots still causing me pain. I knew it was just because he was hurting, we could fix it. I walked through the door and my heels crunched on an empty beer can.
"Whoa." I whispered.
They had definitely had a party last night. People were passed out on every available surface, booze bottles littered the floor and the room stank. I didn't want to look at anything too closely even though I had become a bit more hardened to these kinds of things since becoming an Old Lady. I made it to the hallway to see Bull emerging from his room and weirdly a look of panic crossed over his face before he quickly masked it.
"Hey big man," I chirped, trying to sound cheerful. "Looks like a big night, how's the head? Cade sleeping it off?" I smiled at him putting one foot on the stairs.
The look crossed his face again and he ran a hand through his hair.
"Sweetheart, Cades not here, he left out on a run early this morning, I'll have him call you as soon as he gets back k?" His voice was strange and he kept glancing up at Cade's closed door. I frowned at him, something was wrong. Oh god. He was up there with someone. I tasted bile. No. Cade wouldn't do that.
"That's okay, I'll just wait in his room." I told him firmly, needing to make sure.
Bull grabbed my arm lightly. "You don't want to do that Gwen." He said softly.
Shit, that sick feeling came back, I struggled not to throw up on his shoes. I yanked my arm from his and raced up the stairs.
"Gwen!" He yelled after me, but I was already pulling the door open, preparing for my heart to shatter.
Cade sat up in bed slightly, rubbing his eyes sleepily.
"Baby?" He asked, voice husky.
I breathed a sigh of relief. He was alone, in his stupid messy bed. I moved to sit gingerly on the bed.
"I came to say I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said those things last night." Cade opened his mouth but I held up my hand to silence him.
"Let me talk. You see we've still got a lot to talk about, but I overreacted and said some nasty things I didn't mean. The reason I blew up so much is because of hormones. You know those nasty ones you get when you're pregnant? The freaking things magnify every emotion I'm feeling and may or may not turn me into a psychotic mess. And also make me crave Oreo sandwiches. So as long as you keep us in constant supply of Oreos for the next seven months or so, I may be able to stop you from having me committed." I took a deep breath from my babbling and peeked through my lashes at my man sitting statue still, with unreadable expression on his face.
"I'm having your baby Cade." I told him quietly.
He gazed at me in shock and for a split second I was worried. That was until he grinned so wide I thought his mouth might split open. I had never seen a look like the one of pure joy he was wearing at this moment. He reached for me but froze when the door to his bathroom opened. My head turned and my stomach dropped, Ginger leaned against the doorjam, wearing Cade's tee, and a nasty grin on her face.
"Well this is awkward." She spat out of her vile mouth, smirking.
I looked between her and Cade, horrified and heartbroken. I ran to the door, hoping I didn't vomit on the way out.
"Gwen!" I heard Cade roar.
I was already halfway down the stairs, tears rolling down my face. I stumbled at the last few and almost fell but Bull was there to catch me.
"Whoa Gwennie, it's okay." He told me with pity and fury in his eyes.
I yanked myself away from him, stumbling, surprised I was even still upright. I turned away from Bull and ran towards the exit, focusing on getting away from this place before Cade caught me, before I had to look at him. The father of my baby. The love of my life. The man who fucked someone else on the same night he told me he killed Jimmy. The pain of betrayal and my heart breaking was sharp and almost caused me to double over. I heard Cade crashing down the stairs and struggling with Bull. The ringtone of my phone pierced my emotional fog, I retrieved it from my purse. It was Mum, again. She had tried to call me about three times since this morning.
I picked it up, "Mum I can't talk right now, I'm trying not to commit double homicide … " I grit out, deciding anger might work best for me as I stumbled into the parking lot.
I heard Cade yelling behind me. I intended to run for my car until my mother's choked voice on the other end phone, saturated in grief brought me to a standstill.
"Gwen its Ian. Ian's dead." She cried into the phone.