"It was six months after my attack, I went through hell trying to heal physically, but I got there. Mentally I was still in that warehouse. I barely ate, hardly ever slept, I saw their faces every time I closed my eyes." I paused, taking a deep breath before I continued. "I couldn't get clean. No matter how hard I tried, I felt dirty, tawdry, broken. I felt like I would never get better, that I would be sentenced to the nightmare of a life I was living. I had dedicated friends, a loving family. They all wanted to help, tried so hard, but they couldn't. They couldn't fix me. So I was going to take the coward's way out. The selfish, easy way out. I planned on swallowing a bunch of sleeping pills, convinced I wanted to die. I almost succeeded."
I heard Cade's hissed breath but he still didn't turn. I wanted to go to him but I couldn't, I couldn't bear to see what might be disgust or rejection in his eyes. So I carried on, I had to make him understand.
"I was lucky. So incredibly lucky that I had a friend who saw the signs, he knew what I was going through, he suspected what I was going to do. He walked in on me with a handful of pills. He saved my life." I whispered. "I managed to get help, talk through my issues. But until I met you I was still broken. I was resigned to the life I was going to live, I wasn't unhappy, but I would never have the appetite for life I used to. Or so I thought." The energy in the room turned electric, but Cade still didn't turn. I willed myself to finish what I had to say.
"I'm not trying to say that I would ever consider hurting myself again. I'm in a good place now, a healthier place, but you fixed me. You scared away my demons, made me fall in love with you. I don't care about the club, what you think might happen. I trust you, feel safe with you. I'm not letting you walk out of my life because you are trying to protect me. If you walk out that door you will hurt me more than any evil thug ever could." I finished on a whisper, my voice barely audible.
The silence in the room rang in my ears, I felt sick at Cade's lack of response. I didn't know what to do, I was about to run out of the room and go and curl into a ball of despair when he turned. All of sudden he was right there, in my space, hand yanking my head to his and his lips meeting mine. The kiss was frenzied and tender at the same time. His mouth plundered mine with an intensity I could hardly fathom. This kiss mirrored the one we had on the side of the road, so full of emotion and passion I could hardly stay standing. Cade's hands moved to my butt and he lifted me, my legs instinctively going around his waist. He never broke contact, but I felt him walking, climbing the stairs. I heard the door to my room slam behind us, but I am in a fog, almost delirious. I grind myself against him, craving him, aching to get as close as possible. My hands went to my tee, pulling it off, having to break contact with Cade while I pulled it over my head was near painful. I ignored the twinge in my ribs. In a flurry of desperate activity we were finally both naked, Cade gently laid me down on the bed, his body settling on top of me. His eyes met mine, the look on his face so incredibly tender, my heart jumped. Then he was inside me. I moaned into his mouth, pleasure and relief flooding through me. He pulled his mouth back and slowly moved, eyes never leaving mine. One of his hands bit into my hip, the other roughly cupped my face. I could tell he was holding back, treating me like I was made of glass on account of my injuries.
"You are the strongest, bravest, most caring person I have ever met. You fucking amaze me. Every time I slide into you I thank god for making such a perfect creature." His voice was rough, he didn't stop moving, eyes locked on me.
I swear I felt my heart stop, warmth spread through my body as Cade brought me to the most intense orgasm I've had like ever.
It had been an indefinite amount of time, could be minutes or hours. I'm not sure. Cade was still on top of me, still inside me. Neither of us had said a word.
Cade slowly pulled out of me his body leaving mine. I made a little whine of protest, digging my hands into his back. He smiled down at me, and I swear to god it was the most erotic and beautiful thing I have ever seen.
"Don't worry baby, I will be inside you again soon. I actually plan on being inside you for the rest of the night. As long as you aren't hurting." He glanced down at my ribs with concern. "But we have to talk first." He rolled onto his back but brought me into his side carefully, pulling my leg so it's cocked over his and tucked me into his shoulder.
I still hadn't said a word and he begun to stroke my hair.
"What you said before, Gwen, you were wrong. You are not weak, nor are you a fucking coward. Don't want you ever saying that about yourself again." His voice was still tender but it had a bite.
"You are human. What happened to you was fucking horrific, I know men who would've broken down under the weight."
"But I did break down." I whispered, voice ragged.
Cade lifted me up slightly, so his eyes were on mine. "Like I said babe, you're human. But you are also the kind of person that has friends that would lay down their lives for you. Friends who would do anything for you, like save you life."
My breath hitched a little at his words and he kept going.
"Says a lot about you babe, that you would inspire people to be that devoted to you. It's cause you are special, so god damn amazing that people gravitate to you. I owe Alex my fuckin life, he saved you, so you could be brought to me. You are strong babe. Even after trying to hurt yourself, you fought back, became yourself. Not a lot of people would do that, most people would spiral and find themselves in a blackness they couldn't escape."
His rough hand stroked my face, reverence in his gaze.
"Because of who you are Gwen, you not only pulled yourself out of that blackness, but pulled out one of my best friends. You are strong baby, one of the strongest people I know. Never doubt that. Even after today, I nearly fucking broke down, seeing you hanging from that fucking ceiling. You were the one that brought me back from the edge, your spirit your faith in me."
Tears were now falling down my cheeks at Cade's words and the undisguised love in his gaze. I couldn't believe the heart breaking tender things that were coming out of my gruff bikers mouth.
"I love you." I said quietly. "Promise you will never try to leave me again?"
Cade's gaze turned hard, possessive. "Nothing in this world is keeping me away from you baby."
He then spent the rest of the night inside of me.
Chapter 15
One month later
"Yeah you go Vinnie!" I shouted at the television screen, almost spilling popcorn in my lap.
Amy snorted beside me and I whipped my head towards her.
"The Rock is so much better than Vin, he is kicking his ass." She declared, eyes still on the TV.
I gasped. "How could you … ? What makes you … ? I can't even believe you just said that!"
Amy rolled her eyes. "He has like 40 pounds on him and about six inches, in height, and width." She grinned wickedly.
I threw a piece of popcorn at her.
"Take that back, Vin Diesel is like a thousand times more of a badass than The Rock," I sneered at his name.
She threw an M&M at me. I caught it in my mouth and smirked.
"Vin Diesel is an actor The Rock is a WWE world champion, he is the badass of all badasses." She proclaimed after giving me a high five for my catch.
"Um have you not seen XXX? Vin kicks some serious ass in that movie, he is like a freaking super hero, not to mention all the Fast movies." I retorted.
"Gwen, you do know movies aren't real right? He didn't actually battle Columbian drug lords and do all that shit with the cars." She was talking to me like I was a small child who is slightly slow.
"What do you think WWE is Amy?" I asked in the same tone.
Amy was robbed of her smart retort when I heard a chuckle from the door. My eyes landed on Cade who was leaning with his arms crossed, amusement dancing on his handsome face. Seriously it should be illegal for him to look that hot. He was in head to toe black. Black jeans, tight black tee, black motorcycle boots and his cut. He hadn't shaved, so his face was rough with stubble, his black hair looking professional messed. He looked delicious and dangerous.
I sighed. "We are both wrong, I think the biggest bad ass of them all is standing in this room. My man could take both of them on and win." I said dreamily, shamelessly checking him out.
"You aren't wrong." Amy breathed, doing the same thing.
Cade ignored us and his gaze settled on the TV.
"What are you watching?" He asked frowning.
"Fast and the Furious." I replied, eyes back on the movie.