"Jesus Gwen, don't pop my eardrums."
I ignored this since people seemed to say that to me a lot and continued.
"Ian is coming to stay next week! Can you believe it? I haven't seen him in so long, I have been so worried about him. Now he is coming to stay and gets to see my new life." I babbled, the only silver lining in my and Cades breakup being I wouldn't have to deal with Ian's reaction.
"That's great Gwen." Alex didn't sound too excited.
"Great? Are you kidding me? It's fucking awesome!"
"Are you going to tell him?" Alex asked seriously.
I immediately knew what he is talking about and my mood plummeted.
"There is no reason to upset him Alex." I tried not to sound angry but I was kind of pissed. We had talked about this, I didn't want to put anyone through the trauma of what I almost did.
"He would want to know Gwen." Alex pushed.
"No Alex he wouldn't. I couldn't put him through knowing that I was ready to check out because I couldn't handle living anymore." I took a breath, Alex was silent down the phone, so I continued.
"He already has to live with the image of me in that hospital bed, he still somehow blames himself, knowing that I wanted to kill myself is not something I'm going to put on him Alex. Christ I hate that you have to have it on your shoulders."
"Not a burden Gwen." Alex said quietly, "Not when I know you are living, laughing again."
I smiled down the phone.
"Not a burden." He repeated.
"Please just accept that I won't tell Ian?"
He paused. "Okay Gwen, your choice." I breathed a sigh of relief at his response, then quickly changed the subject. We chatted for a couple minutes more then said our goodbyes, with Alex promising him and Ryan would be down as soon as they could. I blasted my music back up,and continued to suck down my margarita. After an hour or so, I decided the combination of hot sun and a heavy hand with tequila was not a good idea. I was tipsy, well on my way to smashed, and getting smashed on my own was not healthy in the least. So I got up, planning on getting some food and gulping down some water to sober myself up. Headphones still in my ears, I looked up to see a figure standing on the back porch, I screamed my glass went flying, smashing against the tile. Shit we're not going to have any glasses left if people keep sneaking up on me. My vision focused, Amy was wearing a barely there bikini her mouth was moving as she walked towards me.
"I can't hear you!" I yelled while I pulled my headphones out.
She approached me, carefully stepping past the broken glass.
"I said, watch the fricking margarita glasses! Those are our most important kitchen item!" She declared hugging me.
I glared back at her. "And where have you been you dirty slut?" I accused, only slurring my words slightly, and waited for the graphic details of her ‘fuckfest'. That girl left nothing out when filling me in on her sex life. She got a weird look on her face that I couldn't decipher in my almost inebriated state.
"Let me get you another drink and I'll fill you in."
I watched as she drained her full glass, raising an eyebrow.
"What?" She asked defensively.
"I have to catch up, you're three sheets to the wind already you alcoholic!"
I gasped in mock offense. "I am not an alcoholic! Me and alcohol just enjoy a very close relationship."
She laughed and turned to the house to get us more drinks. A brilliant thought entered my mind.
"Amy!" I yelled at her.
"What?"
"I've just had a brilliant idea!" I exclaimed.
She waited a beat and then gestured impatiently "Which is … ?"
"Let's have a pool party!!!" I said. "Girls only." I quickly added.
"Call Rosie and the girls when you get inside and tell them to come around, we can order pizza or something, I don't really care about food, as long as we have enough booze."
Amy grinned at me. "I like the way you think girlfriend."
I smiled back then added "Oh and bring out a broom as well."
"What did your last slave die of?"
"Disobedience." I deadpanned.
I heard her laughter all the way back into the house.
Hours later, our girls only pool party was in full swing, and I was definitely smashed. The sun had set but the weather was still scorching and I was currently lying on an inflatable lilo in the pool watching all my crazy new girlfriends dancing to some pop song under the dim outside lights. I smiled at them all, Amy, Rosie, Lucy, Ashley and a couple of their friends who I had met Friday night, we even managed to rope Lily in, convincing her to just try a margarita. Considering the way she was dancing, she liked them. I watched them a minute more then lay back and watched the stars swirling above me. Wait. I didn't think stars were meant to swirl. Maybe being this drunk in a pool isn't the best idea. I paddled down to the shallow end and slid into the chilly water before climbing out.
"Gwen!" Rosie screamed over the music, "Come and dance!" By the look of the way Rosie was moving her body, tequila was definitely winning tonight.
"Just a second!" I yelled back, raising my empty glass. "Need a refill."
Amy caught my statement. "Might have to make a new batch, I finished the last of it."
She thought for a second. "Wait." Her face was serious, so I stopped and faced her.
"What?" I asked, almost concerned.
"We don't have any margarita mix left!" She cried, and the girls faces all dropped.
I giggled. They all looked like Amy told them she was amputating her left arm.
"No biggie girls, we'll just go and get some more." Lucy chimed in, "I'm sober so I'll go to the liquor store and get some more."
Amy threw her arms around Lucy before pulling back and holding her shoulders.
"I Love You." She declared dramatically.
I watched Lucy laugh and grab her keys. "Won't be long girls."
"I'll come too." I called to Lucy while pulling on my denim cutoffs. I didn't bother with a top, the weather was still fricking hot, and why did I need one anyway?
I grabbed my purse, slipping my feet into some sandals before following her, slightly unsteadily to her car. We chatted about all sorts on the way to the store before the inevitable came up, the subject I had managed to avoid all night.
"So what's going on with you and Cade?" Lucy asked carefully, not to be nosey, but out of obvious concern.
I sighed, looking out the window before turning back to her.
"Nothing."
She raised an eyebrow.
"We broke up." A drunken giggle spurted out of me. "Although we were barely together."
Lucy didn't look convinced. "I've known Cade all my life. He has had a lot of girls." I snorted, massive understatement.
"But the way he looked at you, the way he treated you. You are different. No way he would let you guys break up, after this little time together."
"Well he did." I tried not to sound bitchy, "Lets not talk about it okay?"
She glanced at me worriedly a second then nodded her head. "Okay sweetie."
We pulled into the liquor store, there was a couple of cars outside, it looked almost busy for a Sunday.
I hopped out, tottering towards the store with Lucy by my side. Once we entered I was made aware of my state of undress by the florescent lights and two college age boys at the counter leering at me. Woops. I glanced over at Lucy, who was wearing a white, crochet, see through sundress over her bikini. She obviously didn't care, so neither should I, I deduced drunkenly. I gave the boys a jaunty wink over my shoulder and their eyes near popped out of their heads. Lucy smacked me playfully.
"Tease."
She then blew one a kiss.
"Right back at you sister."
She looked innocently at me.
"They are kind of hot."
I rolled my eyes, men, or more adequately boys the last thing I needed. "How about you go and get some more precious liquor and I will go and get some chips?" I asked, feeling a sudden hankering for nachos.
"Meet back here in ten."
I sauntered through the aisles grabbing various foodstuffs I decided I needed until my arms were overflowing with treats. I made my way back to meet Lucy, feeling slightly lost. I turned the corner towards the counter, spotting Lucy, stopping dead when I realize who she was speaking to. Cade stood with his back to me, wearing his usual perfect fit jeans, wife beater and his cut. His muscled, tattooed arms looked good enough to lick, I wonder what they tasted like. No wait I was getting side tracked, stupid alcohol. He was with Bull and Brock, both of whom spotted me just before I was about to hide behind a display of cereal. Shit. They looked me up and down and Brock grinned. What he was grinning about I had no clue and I had no time to ponder it. I began walking again, with no other choice now that they had spotted me. Lucy caught my eyes over Cade's shoulder. Cade must have caught this and he turned around.