I turned my back to him, sinking down into the sand, watching the waves, trying to beat away the demons currently knocking at the corner of my mind.
"She was beaten, savagely, raped, stabbed. Face fucking tattooed." Jumbled words from Luke's short but heartbreaking story rushed through my mind. Beaten. Stabbed. Raped. Sweet girl. Clueless girl. Like me she just fell in love with the wrong guy. Yeah that guy did not kill her, but she would still be alive if it wasn't for gangs and their fucking politics. I didn't react when Cade sat behind me, his powerful thighs coming around either side of mine. Strong arms pulled me to his chest. I sat rigidly, trying to work up the strength to fight him off. Problem was, all my strength was going towards not having a mental fucking breakdown. It was focusing on what an idiot I was for letting another man so much like the one that almost killed me, into my bed, under my skin.
"Babe." He murmured in my ear, voice soft. I ignored him and continued looking blankly at the sea.
"Crawford had no fucking right to talk to you like that, badmouth the fucking club." He still sounded soft, he was angry but he was checking that anger for me.
I went as hard as stone. "God forbid he badmouth the fucking precious club." I hissed. "Never mind the girl that was murdered."
At my words, Cade tensed. "You don't know anything about Laurie, Gwen." His voice turned hard.
"Yeah, I do. I know she fell in love with a man, a dangerous man, who at the time seemed exciting, made her feel alive. And no matter how dark things got, the love was still there to make it seem light, so she could ignore the signs, the big fucking flashing red signs that should have made her run the other way. But she didn't and that got her dead. Raped. Beaten. Dead." My voice cracked at the end.
I felt Cade flinch at my words, his arms tightening around me. Then I'm in the air, turned so I was straddling him, his hands came to my face.
"Need your eyes Gwen." He muttered, staring at me so hard I felt like he was staring into my soul.
"Bull loved Laurie, fuck never seen a love like it. They were the last two people you'd ever think to be together. Him a huge fucker with tattoos. She was tiny, smaller than you babe, with blonde hair that shone like the sun. Smile, Christ, she had a great smile, made everyone happy just by being around. They didn't seem like they'd fit, but you saw them together, you knew, they fit perfect for each other, made sense."
"Cade..." I interrupted, not wanting to hear anymore, but his eyes turned hard.
"I'm speaking now babe, shut it. Wait till you hear the hole fucking story before you say one more word." His voice was tight. "We had shit going with another club, not gonna elaborate babe. But that shit got bad, brothers both sides felt the hits. But no women, fuck, women never see that kind of shit. Until that day. Laurie went for a walk, a walk in the town she lived, place she felt safe, happy. They snatched her right off the street, broad daylight, fuckin witnesses." Cade's eyes turned feral, he was devastated and furious. Of its own volition, my hand reached up to stroke he cheek.
"Soon as we found out, had to lock Bull down. He was ripping things apart, in a rage like I never seen, he couldn't check it, couldn't reign it in, couldn't help Laurie like that. We had boys out looking for her, even got the fuckin pigs involved, cause we knew what they would do to her. Didn't help. We got the call, telling us to back down or they'd kill Laurie. We knew they'd kill her either way, these weren't the kind of guys to just drop her off, unharmed. Minute they got what they wanted they'd put a bullet in her brain. We were in an impossible position."
I felt the pain in his voice. I immediately knew Luke was wrong, those men did care about this girl, but Luke's mind was so clouded by hate, that he couldn't see the love.
"Honey..." I started, but Cade cut me off again.
"I'm speakin babe." He sighed, looking to the ocean then back at me. "We gave in to those boys, there would have been blood, a shitstorm we couldn't weather, the town couldn't weather. We knew either way, Laurie got dead. So we tried to find her, ripped apart the fucking countryside looking for her. We couldn't, they dropped her off the next day. Left her alive, barely, they did that on purpose. It was the worst day of my godamm life, seeing that girl like that, seeing my brother, unravel. Life went right out from behind his eyes, he's empty now. Only way he got through any of it was cause of the club, cause we had his back, pulled him through." Emotion saturated his voice.
I stared into his eyes, lost for words, fresh tears streaming down my cheeks. Cades thumbs wiped them away. Seeing the grief, the raw pain in his eyes, something in me clicked. This wasn't Jimmy wasn't even close. Jimmy's boys didn't give a shit about me, didn't blink as the beat me, watched Jimmy beat me.
I saw the love that Cade had, love for his brother, love for that girl. The pain he obviously felt, still felt. I was so conflicted, he was obviously different, and the men in the club were different. But that didn't mean the club was, it caused her death, no matter what way you look at it, no matter how much it broke their hearts. I had no words, no kind whispers to make anything better, so I touched my mouth to his. That's when my actions stopped. He gripped the back of my head, thrusting his tongue into my mouth, his kiss unraveling me, draining me. I felt him fall back on the sand and I fell on top of him. His hands travelled down my back, resting on my bottom, kneading it. Delightful shivers ran down my spine as I ground up against him, needing to feel closer. Then I realized where we were, on a beach, in public, in broad daylight. Shit! I sat up quickly and Cade frowned, trying to pull me back down and after being unsuccessful he sat up.
"Babe, like your mouth, like you on top of me, especially after all that. What the fuck?" He growled.
"We are in public Cade." I declared, righting my shirt and darting my eyes around the beach. Thankfully there wasn't anyone in the immediate vicinity.
"So?" He stared at me annoyed.
"So? I thought that might be enough of a deterrent! We could get done for indecent exposure!" I blew the hair out of my face to see him smile.
"Baby, was kissing you. Wasn't fuckin you, and sure as shit wasn't going to expose any of you, that's for my eyes only. Although you exposing more than enough in those shorts." His gaze narrowed, dropping to my legs.
"These shorts are the shit." I snapped, sensitive to people criticizing my fashion choices.
"Yeah they are, your legs look amazing in those things, all I can do is imagine them wrapped around my back, and that will be what every other man will be thinking when he looks at you." He raised his eyebrows. "Not to keen on men thinking about my woman like that."
His woman. It hit me. He considered me his, considered us together, as he had done pretty much since the first moment we met. That was intense, too intense, given all the information I had learned about him and the club, I wasn't sure that was what I wanted. We had slept together once, okay more than once technically but we had spent one night together. A handful of amazing make out sessions, multiple orgasms and limited conversation did not a relationship make. I couldn't deny this man was under my skin, there was something between us, something I couldn't describe but something that seemed to turn this relationship up to warp speed. With a regular guy this would freak me out, with someone who represented a past I was trying to escape, it made me want to run for the hills.
"Gwen?" Cade asked softly, interrupting my inner monologue.
"I can't do this." I whispered, watching as his face hardened.
"Yes you can Gwen, don't let that prick deputy get into your head." He said fiercely, holding me tight.
"This has nothing to do with Luke, I just can't do this." I gestured between us. "There's things you don't know about me … "
"Well then tell me." He interrupted roughly.
I shook my head, lifting myself off him, expecting him to hold me in place. Surprisingly he let me go, helping me get to my feet, then grabbed my hips softly. His grey eyes pierced mine. "I know you feel this Gwen, this thing between us, its not fucking normal, but don't run away because you're scared."
His gaze, the electricity sizzling between us made my resolve waver.
"I need time to think about this, can you give me that?" I conceded.