Heart's Blood(65)

"Oh. Right." That made sense. Unfortunately. Varus and Polonia gave no warning signals, so it was true. "How does this relate to us? Your blood got into me, of course, during the oath."

"But yours got into me as well, through the cut, rather than by swallowing it. Normally, that still makes little or no difference, but in this case, it did help to create the potential for a familiar bond. Potential only, remember."

"So how did it change from potential to reality?" His curiosity had been awakened now, eating away his anger.

"There were a lot of steps. When I was cleaning out all the blood magic in the hospital morgue, and I had too much. We touched, and some of the magic went into you. That started the process. Familiars hold magic for a sorceress. Then, when you were calling Angus Galloway's ghost, it seemed to me that you didn't have enough magic to call him, so-" She made a face. "I'm not exactly clear on this part. Amanusa says you used my magic to feed yours. You called on it. But you couldn't have used it if I hadn't been willing to give it. Do you follow?"

Grey recalled that morning, that rush of surprising power when he'd thought it exhausted. "Yes." He sighed. "Yes, I do."

"And I was able to use your magic to see the spirits and speak to them, but only because you allowed it. And we worked magic together to lay them. Those are all parts of the familiar bond, how it works between two magicians.

"Once, Grey-once sorcerers were courted by other magicians. They knew the familiar bond would add power to them both. Some even tried entrapping a sorceress, thinking to force the bond, but without knowing the secrets of the guild, they could not succeed. A familiar's bond is a true partnership, Grey, in which both must agree for the power to be used."

All of that made impeccable sense to Grey. He nodded, working through the information again.

"It was a partnership from the very beginning," Pearl said, "because I took in your blood, too. Your blood in me bound me to you, just as mine in you bound you to me. The exchange of blood gave you choice. It gave you the ability to use my magic, just as I could use yours. And when we-"

She fluttered a hand at the sofa beneath them. "Did what we just did, especially since the first time was my first time-That sealed the bond. It meant we could walk hand-in-hand through the dead zone without harm. Together, we were more-"

She broke off, shook her head. "Well. That's how it happened. It was an accident, Grey. I never had any control over you. No more than you had over me. Less, because I-"

"You were my apprentice." He finished the sentence for her when she broke it off.

"No, you idiot." Her head shaking was fondly exasperated. "Because I love you. And you don't love me. Which is not at all unexpected." She gave a one-shouldered shrug of helpless resignation. He really was quite good at reading her moods, wasn't he?

"Love." He shook his head back at her. "What is it? Nothing, really. A word. A method one person uses to coerce another, claiming love to bend him to the other's will. Every one of the persons who have ever claimed to love me wanted something from me. Obedience, propriety, jewelry, money, amusement-something. All but one."

"Poor Grey," Pearl murmured. Not sarcastically, he didn't think. She stroked her fingertips lightly along his hand resting near her on the back of the sofa.

"My sister Mary never wanted anything from me." His smile twisted as he remembered. "She was my youngest sister, two years younger than Adela-"

"The sister you can tolerate," Pearl interjected.

Grey nodded a quick assent. "Who is three years younger than myself. But Mary was simpleminded. She didn't know enough to want anything other than my presence."

"How did she die?" Pearl stroked his hand again.

He wished he didn't want her to keep doing it. "She was never in robust health. Our parents kept her tucked away on one of the smaller properties as she got older and more willful. Medehall, in Lincolnshire. She liked to wander, and usually the nurse would let her, if someone went along to watch her. She got caught in a rain when she was eleven and died of a lung fever."

Grey paused, looking back into memory. "She was the first spirit I ever called." He smiled. "She is not simple now, though she still has the same pure, sweet spirit."

"And she still loves you." Pearl's smile was so sad, it made him ache, though he didn't know why. "Whereas even I wanted something from you. I wanted the magic. But I do love you, Grey. That's why I gave you what you wanted. Your freedom."                       
       
           



       

She paused before she spoke again. "That night. The first time we-"

"Had sex," he supplied, when she didn't.

She scowled at him. "Stop finishing my sentences. We made love. I could see what we made, Grey. It had substance. I've learned to see that kind of sorcery, and the sort made from love is different from that made without it.

"That night, you asked me what I wanted, whether I wanted you, of yourself. For yourself. I said yes. Because I did. Not for the magic or anything else. Just for you, because I love you." She smiled at him as she stood.

"I know you won't believe me, since Amanusa has come and everything has worked out so well with the magic, and if she hadn't come we might never have known about the bond. But if it had been a question of breaking the familiar bond and losing all chance of learning magic, or keeping it and making you unhappy-I would still have broken it. It is broken, Grey. Utterly."

Lies. He only thought it, without any heart in it, but still his spirits responded.

Truth.

He'd almost forgotten they were present.

She speaks of matters concerning the bond, Polonia said. She speaks truth.

This one almost always speaks truth, Varus added. Except to herself.

"I don't believe it," Grey said to Pearl. "But my spirits say it is truth, so I suppose I must."

Pearl gave that sad shake of her head. "No, you mustn't. You must do and believe only what your heart tells you." She smiled. "It's all right. Truly. I always knew this would end badly, you and me. Better it happened before we were trapped by marriage."

She looked around the room, as if committing it to memory, that strange little smile riding her face. "I'm glad we cleared the air." Her smile changed as she looked at him again, true, warm, and all Pearl. "Be happy, Grey."

And she was gone. Why was she always fleeing this room?

Why did he always miss her when she did? He did not love her.

Lie, Varus said. The first spoken here this day.

"Oh, do be quiet," Grey grumbled. "Go back to Elysium, or wherever it is you loiter. Besides, I wasn't the one sworn to truth today."

No. We just thought you might like to know, Polonia said. Love is too precious to squander.

You were sworn to silence. Be sure you keep it, Varus warned, and they were gone, too.

Why didn't the solitude feel as peaceful as it once had? Why did it feel . . . lonely? He'd never minded it before. He would get used to it again.



NO MORE THAN two hours passed before McGregor climbed his way up to the workroom to inform Grey that Miss Parkin and Miss Tavis insisted on seeing him. So insistent that they did not wait for him to descend to the parlor, but climbed the innumerable flights of stairs in McGregor's wake to confront him on the landing at the top.

"Did we not say good-bye, Miss Parkin?" Grey raised an eyebrow, doing his best to look sardonic as he buttoned his cuffs in preparation for putting on the coat McGregor held for him. "Or did you miss me so much already?"

"Grey, this is serious," Elinor scolded. "One of the sorcery students has gone missing."

He settled his frock coat on his shoulders, settling the surge of alarm with it. Alarm might not prove necessary. "Who? When?"

"Katriona Farquuhar," Pearl said. "The girl who was walking with me earlier. She never arrived at the hotel after we parted. No one knew she'd gone missing until I arrived without her. They assumed she'd stopped with me at Harry's for luncheon."

"But they didn't," Elinor said. "Obviously."

"Katriona is adventurous, and fearless." Pearl followed Grey as he started down the stairs, Elinor behind her. "She may have gone exploring."

"Except you told her to find Amanusa and tell her you stopped here," Grey said.

"I also told her I was fine. That nothing was wrong."

"While I dragged you forcibly into the house."

"I came willingly." Pearl sounded increasingly annoyed, which, perversely, amused Grey.

"It was that, or be hauled by your hair." How thoroughly could he provoke her? They reached the first-floor foyer and he turned to watch.

"There's something you both seem to be forgetting," Elinor said as she took the final step onto the checkered marble.

"What is that?" Grey took it upon himself to ask.

"The new moon is on Thursday."

A chill went through Grey, cold enough to freeze his blood. But- "Angus Galloway and Rose Bowers were both taken the night of their murders. Neither of them went missing days before."