"It's just that I'm so tired." She didn't want him to think this happened often. Or at all, except for now.
"I know. Exhaustion can make one do all sorts of silly things." Could his smile be any more beautiful?
The tears crashed over Pearl again and she collapsed under their weight yet again. "I'm sorry," she sobbed, "so sorry. I ca-can't seem to stop."
"Don't fret, dear heart." Grey stood with her in his arms. "You're just tired. You need to sleep."
"Yes. Yes." She clung to him as if he were the only anchor in her sea of sorrow.
What was wrong with her? She knew, from bitter, wrenching experience, that she could count on no one but herself. She needed to pull back. To stop hanging all over Grey, and deal with this on her own. But she couldn't make her arms let go. Not even when he set her down in the bedroom she shared with Elinor.
He unfastened the buttons down the back of her wool dress, reaching around her because of the shameless way her arms wrapped themselves around his neck. "There," he said. "All undone."
Pearl only wept and clung. She hated being like this. She tried to stop, truly she did. But it was as if all the misery in her short, lately miserable life had decided to come out tonight. She simply could not stop crying.
Grey dragged one of her arms from his neck and peeled it from its sleeve. As soon as he let go, her arm put itself back again, while he dragged the other away to free it. He kept pausing, as if waiting for her to take up the task of undressing herself, to unbutton the petticoats and push them to the floor, but she could only cling and weep.
"Don't leave me," she cried when he tried to scrape her off him and put her in the bed.
He went utterly still, his hands on her waist over her shift. She still wore her ruffled pantaloons and stockings, as if he couldn't bring himself to remove any more of her clothing.
"Pearl."
Her name groaned out of him in a voice she'd never heard before, part exasperation, part desperation, and part something else she couldn't name but wanted.
"Just till I fall asleep." She spoke quickly, to get the words out between hiccups. "Like you did that time in the workshop. Just for a while. Please."
She hated herself for begging. She had more pride than that. Normally she did. Tonight her pride seemed to have washed away in all the tears and the pain, in the loss of all those she'd loved and all those she'd failed.
She'd been alone far too long and tonight she simply could not bear it. Yes, it was a terrible imposition on him, but she didn't care. Tomorrow. When tomorrow came, she could be herself, alone again, but tonight- Tonight she needed company. Tonight, she wanted Grey.
"This is not wise," he said, voice tight, fingers twitching on her waist, his eyes locked on hers.
"I don't care." She might later, but she didn't think so. She wanted him with her, wrapped close around her. Closer. She would crawl inside him if she could.
And the magic hummed. It rose inside her, bloomed around her with a heady, musky scent that wasn't blood, but when it touched her blood and the magic inside Grey, it chimed. Not actual sound, nor imagined bells, but the magical equivalent, a sweet ringing in her not-ears. "Did you hear that?"
"Hear what?" Grey was staring deep into her eyes when she swam back from the magic to look out of them. "Pearl, do you want this? Do you want me? Not comfort or distraction from your sorrow, but me. This. Do you truly want it?"
Did she? She knew what he was asking. She might be innocent-impossible, but still true-but she was far from ignorant. She stepped away from her grief and guilt over so many things. The magic's rising helped her do that.
But she had to step away from the magic as well and the hum in her blood that pooled in such enticing places. She looked up at Grey, looked back into those dark eyes that promised wonders and delight and secrets revealed.
He was beautiful, but more than that, he was kind. And generous and honorable and so intelligent it sometimes frightened her. He was Grey. And though she didn't love him-she didn't dare-she liked him. A great deal. She was tired of fighting the attraction. She had no reputation to fret over. She wanted this. Wanted him. Which was the question he'd asked, wasn't it? So she said, "Yes. I want you."
She dared to lift her hand, lay it along that fallen-angel's face. He turned into it, eyes closing, and pressed a kiss to her palm.
"Do you want this, Grey?" She knew the answer, or thought she did, but she had to ask.
His eyes opened and he looked at her.
"Do you want me? For me, not the-" Could he even feel the magic in the air? If she asked, would it drive him away? "For me, myself? Who and what I am?"
"God, yes. I've wanted you for days. Weeks." He held her hand against his cheek a moment before kissing it again, never shifting his gaze from hers. "Ever since you first looked at me with those blue-and-gold eyes of yours and let your illusion melt away so I could see you. The Pearl hidden inside the shell of magic."
His words had her rising on her toes, stretching toward him. He came down to meet her, his full, perfect mouth touching hers in their first kiss. She didn't have time to marvel, for the touch seemed to set her on fire from the inside out, a burn that had nothing to do with magic, but somehow fueled it. Her mouth opened, as if she knew what he wanted without being told, and the kiss deepened. It consumed her. It made her want more.
She said it. "More."
He chuckled, lips against hers. "Greedy wench."
He stepped away from her, and for an instant, she wanted to protest, but it felt right. Whatever he was doing made this more than a quick shag in the dark. Which it wasn't. Dark. There was a candle on the washstand, so she could see.
She could watch as Grey, deliberately and with great precision, removed his clothing. He folded his frock coat and laid it across the back of the chair, then untied his cravat and tossed it. He unbuttoned his waistcoat, then his shirt and his cuffs and then his trousers, all the while watching Pearl. His gaze slid down over her standing there in her shift and pantaloons and stockings before returning to her eyes. He smiled when he saw them widen as he unbuttoned his trousers.
He paused, buttons all undone, and bent to remove his half-boots and stockings before straightening to shove off shirt, waistcoat, and braces all at once. His trousers didn't fall when they lost their support. When Pearl retrieved her senses from the sight of all that lovely naked skin, she saw that he held them up.
"Shall I wait?" he asked. "Are you shy?"
She swallowed hard, shaking her head. She'd seen naked men before. She'd seen them aroused. She'd been playing boy, and the denizens of the docks and the Dials didn't have much modesty. But this, Grey, was because of her. She had aroused him, and that made everything different.
She stepped forward, hands out, needing to touch him, needing to see whether he felt as glorious as he looked. Grey's hands met hers, caught them. She shook one free and laid it on his chest. The sight of her fingers spread wide over his faintly golden skin, the feel of it against her palm made her quiver and tighten, and soften at the same time.
He groaned. "The look in your eyes-"
Puzzled, she looked up and was captured in a kiss. He pulled her tight against him, into that all-consuming kiss. She wriggled to get closer. To find more.
He shoved her pantaloons down, his hands skimming along her legs, her hips as he returned, somehow never breaking the kiss. Pearl clutched at him, rising onto her toes to press more of her against more of him. He tossed her onto the bed and followed, making it bounce and scrape across the floor.
Grey fumbled with the ribbon tying her shift closed, got it open, and something ripped, making her flinch, then laugh with joy at his eagerness, that he would want her as much as she wanted him. She wrapped her arms round his neck to bring him to her for more of that marvelous kiss, but he ducked away.
She cried a protest, which wavered and dissolved as he kissed his way across her breast. The cry came back in delight when he found the peak and kissed it, licked it, sucked it into that perfect mouth. He did it again for her other.
"Only fair," he murmured, his lips teasing her hard nipple before he left it to kiss his way lower, across her stomach, where he dipped his tongue into her navel.
He crawled back up over her, grinding the hard ridge of his arousal into her as he plunged into another kiss. "I want it all," he groaned into her mouth. "I want to kiss every inch of your skin. I want to taste you, make you scream with pleasure until you lose your voice-"
"All right." Pearl's gasp of assent didn't slow him.
"But I cannot wait." He slid to one side, so he could still press his-his cock against her hip, as he slipped his hand between her legs. The legs that had already spread to accommodate him.
Pearl felt the tiniest twinge of shame at her wanton behavior, but thrust it away. She wanted this. She wanted Grey and she would not regret anything about it. She was who she was and she wanted what she wanted, and she gasped as Grey stroked his fingertip across a place that made her shudder, and made magic unfurl in the air around them.