I looked as good as I possibly could, and if it wasn’t good enough . . . so be it.
I went downstairs to wait.
Chapter Seven
A
The doorbell rang exactly on the dot.
Martin was wearing a gorgeous gray suit. After a moment I stepped back to let him in, and he looked around.
Suddenly we realized we weren’t observing the amenities, and both of us burst into speech at once. I blurted “How’ve you been doing?” as he said “Nice apartment.” We both shuddered to a halt and smiled at each other in embarrassment.
“I reserved a table at a restaurant the board of direc- tors took me to after they’d decided to hire me for the job here,” Martin said. “It’s French, and I thought it was very good. Do you like French food?” I wouldn’t understand the menu. “That’ll be fine,” I said. “You’ll have to order for me. I haven’t tried to speak French since high school.”
“We’ll have to rely on the waiter,” Martin said. “I ~ 96 ~
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speak Spanish and some Vietnamese, but only a little French.”
We had one thing in common.
I got my black coat from the coat closet. I slid it on myself, not being ready for him to touch me. I lifted my hair out of the collar and let it hang down my back, acutely conscious that he watched my every move. I thought if we made it out the door it would be amaz- ing, so I kept my distance; and when he opened the door for me to pass through, I did so as quickly as I could. Then he opened the patio gate and the door of his car. I hadn’t felt so frail in years. His car was wonderful—real leather and an impres- sive dashboard. It even smelled expensive. I had never ridden in anything so luxurious. I was feeling more pampered by the moment.
We swept imperially through Lawrenceton, attract- ing (I hoped) lots of attention, and hit the short inter- state stretch to Atlanta. Our small talk was extremely small. The air in the car was crackling with tension. “You’ve always lived here?”
“Yes. I did go away to college, and I did some grad- uate work. But then I came back here, and I’ve been here ever since. Where have you lived?” “Well. I grew up in rural Ohio, as I mentioned last night,” he said.
I could not picture him being rural at any point in his life, and I said so.
“I’ve spent my lifetime eradicating it,” he said with some humor. “I was in the Marines for a while, in Viet- nam, the tail end, and then when I came back, after a while I began to work for Pan-Am Agra. I finished
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college through night school, and Pan-Am Agra needed Spanish speakers so much that I became fluent. It paid off, and I began working my way up . . . this car was the first thing I got that said I had arrived, and I take good care of it.”
Presumably the big house in Lawrenceton would be another acquisition affirming that he was climbing the ladder successfully.
“You’re—thirty?” he said suddenly.
“Yes.”
“I’m forty-five. You don’t mind?”
“How could I?”
Our eyes moved simultaneously to a lighted motel sign looming over the interstate.
The exit was a mile away.
I thought I was about to give way to an impulse— finally.
“Ah—Aurora—”
“Roe.”
“I don’t want you to think I don’t want to spend money on you. I don’t want you to think I don’t want to be seen with you. But tonight . . .” “Pull off.”
“What?”
“Pull off.”
Off the interstate we rolled at what seemed to me in- credible speed, and suddenly we were parked in front of the bright office of the motel. I couldn’t remember the name of it, where we were, anything. Martin left the car abruptly, and I watched him reg- ister. He carefully did not turn to look back at me dur- ing the interminable process.
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Then he slid back into the car with a key in hand. I turned to him and said through clenched teeth, “I hope it’s on the ground floor.”
It was.
It rained during the night. The lightning flashed through the windows, and I heard the cold spray hit the pavement outside. He had been sleeping; he woke up a little when I shivered at the thunder. “Safe,” he said, gathering me to him. “Safe.” He kissed my hair and fell back into sleep.
I wondered if I was. In a practical way I was safe, yes; we were not stupid people; we took precautions. But in my heart I had no feeling, none at all, of safety. The morning was not the kind that ordinarily made me cheerful. It was colder, grayer, and puddles of muddy water dotted the parking lot of the motel. But I felt good enough to overcome even the faint sleaziness of putting back on the same clothes I’d worn. We ate breakfast in the motel coffee shop, and both of us were very hungry. “I don’t know what we’ve started,” Martin said suddenly, as he was about to get up to pay our bill, “but I want you to know I have never felt so wrung out in my life.”
“Relaxed,” I corrected smilingly. “I’m relaxed.” “Then,” he said with raised eyebrows, “you didn’t work hard enough.”
We smiled at each other. “A matter of opinion,” I said, quite shocked at myself.
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“We’ll just have to try again until we’re both satis- fied,” Martin murmured.
“What a fate,” I said.
“Tonight?” he asked.
“Tomorrow night. Give me a chance to recoup.” “See, you do know some French words,” he replied, and we smiled at each other again. He glanced at his watch as we drove back. “I’m usually working at the plant alone on Sunday, but today we’re having a spe- cial meeting at twelve thirty, followed by an executives’ lunch. It’s a kickoff for our next production phase.” “What will they say if you’re a few minutes late?” I asked him softly when he kissed me good-bye at my townhouse door.
“They won’t say anything,” he told me. “I’m the top dog.”
For the first time in a long time, I was going to skip church. I staggered up the stairs and stripped off all my clothes, pulled a nightgown over my head, and after turning off the bell of the phone, crawled in bed to rest. I began to think, and with an effort turned off the trickle of thought like a hand tightening a faucet. I was sore, exhausted, and intoxicated, and soon I was also asleep.
My mother called at eleven, as soon as she got home from church. The Episcopalians in Lawrenceton had a nine thirty service, because Aubrey went to an- other, smaller church forty miles away to hold another
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service directly after the Lawrenceton one. I was drowsing in bed, trying to think of what to do with the remainder of the day, persuading myself not to call Martin. I felt so calm and limp that I thought I might slide out of bed and ooze across the carpet to the closet. I barely heard the downstairs phone ringing. “Hello, Aurora,” Mother said briskly. “We missed you at church. What have you been doing today?” I smiled blissfully at the ceiling and said, “Nothing in particular.”
“I called to find out about the annual Realtors’ ban- quet,” she said. “Would you and Aubrey like to come? It’s for families, too, you know, and you might enjoy it, since you know everyone.” Mother tried to get me there every year, and the last year I’d broken down and gone. The annual Realtors’ banquet was one of those strange events no one can possibly like but everyone must attend. It was a local custom that had begun fif- teen years before when a Realtor (who has since left town) decided it would be a good thing if all the town professionals and their guests met once a year and drank a lot of cocktails and ate a heavy meal, and af- terward sat in a stupor listening to a speaker. “Isn’t the timing a little bad this year?” I was think- ing of Tonia Lee.
“Well, yes, but we’ve made the reservations and se- lected the menu and everyone’s kept that night free for months. So we might as well go through with it. Shall I put you and Aubrey down? This is the final tally of guests. I’ll be glad when Franklin’s in charge of this next year.” Each agency in Lawrenceton took the task in turn.
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“He’ll leave most of the arrangements to Terry Sternholtz, the same way you left them to Patty,” I said. “At least it won’t be our agency that looks ineffi- cient if anything goes wrong.”
“Nothing’s going to go wrong. You know how effi- cient Patty is.”
“Lord, yes.” My mother sighed. “I sense you’re put- ting me off, Aurora.”
“Yes, actually I am. I just wanted to sort of tell you something . . .”
“ ‘Sort of’?”
“I’m trying to glide into this.”
“Glide. Quickly.”
“I’m not dating Aubrey anymore.”
An intake of breath from Mother’s end.
“I’m really just . . . I think . . . I’m seeing Martin. Bartell.”
Long silence. Finally Mother said, “Were there any
bad feelings, Aurora? Do John and I need to skip church for the next couple of weeks? Aubrey was a lit- tle somber today, maybe, but not so much that I thought anything about it until I talked to you.” “No bad feelings.”